Hi, my name is Jimmy and I'm about 20,5 years old. I live in Sweden, in a town called Frillestad, which is located in the southern parts of Sweden. I have Aspergers and ADHD, which has made it very difficult for me to connect socially with other people during my life. I've never had any friends outside of the family. I'm currently studying at the university in Lund, to be a civil engineer, but I've always wanted to go to med- school and work with sports medicine, which I also will do when I've improved my grades a bit. My grades would translate to about a GPA of 3.7, so a bit of work is still needed to get in.
I'm an athletic person and I've competed at the national championships in athletics for juniors, 3000-5000m.I hold the national record for persons under 20 on the marathon distance with 2.38.19.
My other interests are animals and reading. I live with my parents and two younger brothers on the countryside about 10km away from the closest city.
So why have I joined this forum?
Well, as long as I can remember I've always been different and never felt that I'm 100% male, even though I've always presented as one. I can remember several things from when I was younger that made me feel uncomfortable with myself. The biggest thing when I was a child was that I never wanted to get a haircut, so when my parents forced me to get a haircut I always cried because I wanted to have long hair.
Another thing when I was younger was that I often thought about being a girl instead and when I was in school I almost always played with the other girls. But due to my Aspergers and ADHD, the boys in my class started making fun of me. This continued for about ten years. I've been abused many times and have several scars after all the injuries other persons have given me.
When I was about 10 years old I became aware of the thing called puberty and I became very scared by the thought of getting all big and hairy. Plus the voice becoming deeper. But since I was so afraid of what others might do to me I never mentioned it to anyone. I remember how much I cried when I saw my first facial hair starting to appear and that I several times tried to starve myself to the point where my hormones stopped. I had always been very tall when I was younger and I hit 1.80m when I was 13. Since I was this tall I tried to stunt my growth for several years. I developed severe anorexia and at one point had a BMI of under 14. After several appointments and forced meals I overcame my anorexia when I was about 17. I'm now 1.88m and weigh about 70kg. And I haven't grown more than about 1cm this year.
Since I always felt different and that I didn't really belong in this body I started searching for the answers to my questions. At first I believed that all this was a fetish of some kind. But I came to understand that it wasn't any after a while. Because of my reduced skills in communicating with other persons I've never really talked about my feelings to anyone and I'm not really sure if I have the courage to do so either.
Since I'm extremely dependent on my family I've barely talked about any of this with them, because I'm afraid of the consequences that might come from this.
I wouldn't consider myself to be transgender, but I don't feel right with my appearance as it is. I've never been interested in having big muscles or broad shoulders, a beard or a hairy chest either. I've always wanted a slim waist, a body with little hair growth and a feminine face.
If I would label myself it would probably be as a genderqueer or androgynous, as of now at least.
Well that was a bit about me and I hope that I'm welcome here. I've already read everything about the rules and such.
Since I believe that this forum is something that I strongly believe in and is something very important for very many persons in this world I've donated $25 in hope that you can keep this forum going in the future too.
Thanks for reading!
A picture of me:
