Just heard word, the logical choice of endo in the area wants me to wait on assessment.

In truth, I am not even really aware of what assessment even means. Is some professional going to ascertain if I am really a woman? An idiotic prospect.

But the thing is, my assessment is on a waiting list, and frankly THAT wasn't the end of the world as everyone has to wait there turn some times. But I had been told I could contemplate HRT in the mean time. I was more or less hoping 2014 would be a year of getting ready, of getting rid of the male, getting more of the female and basically getting some peace of mind in my head space.

I was thinking 2014 would be a year of learning make up, shopping out a new wardrobe and just getting set and ready to get rid of that damned thing too.

If you want to offer any suggestions I am all ears.

But right now, I feel like shutting down, turning off, disappearing into my models and just ignoring 2014.

What it might mean for here, is it might mean I basically go absent. I won't be interested in the daily news, the daily events. The last thing I am going to want, is to focus on something that simply is not going to be going anywhere at all for me for the whole year.

What a major bummer.

I won't need make up or a new dress or any form of attire if nothing about me is going to change a damned bit for the whole year. If I am set to essentially say screw it and just stay home and ignore the world, then my night gown will do just fine. And no one will need to see me.
I'm not interested in spending good money on guy clothes I'd rather not need. I will just leave it at what I have and wear it the least amount possible and go out as few instances as managable.

Bummer! Hopefully you won't have to wait for the whole year...
Maybe work on beard removal?

If my memory is correct, you're in Canada right? If not, please forgive me. If so I know how brutal wait list can be up here.

Would you be able to find a different endo or perhaps as GP who would be willing to prescribe?

In my city (over 1M people) there is only one endo who does trans HRT and he requires a referral from one if only two psychiatrists in the province. When I started to look into HRT there was only one and the wait list was 18 months.

I was able to have my private psychologist write a letter and convinced my GP to help me by providing him with a printout of the protocols used elsewhere. The process took less than a month.

In the new year I will likely be attempting to see if I am seriously stuff waiting all because the first pick said no. There are after all other endos in the area, it is just that the one that looked the most promising said to wait.

My doctor's office receptionist stated she knows the endo in the nearby city of Peterborough through previous interactions (likely unrelated reasons), so it is likely I will be pursuing the matter further.

I mean damn it, it's just hormone therapy, yes I said it, JUST hormone therapy. It can be dangerous if don't in a clumsy uninformed way is all. So can't medications for sleeping troubles and stress. I haven't reached a brick wall yet though. But I was not overly happy.

How tired am I? well it isn't that I bounce back easy from misery and unhappiness, it's I am just so damned tired I can't maintain a state of agitation for too long any more than a crying child inevitable just wears out and falls asleep.

Been difficult though maintaining my mood enough to keep at my Christmas baking.

Is there a local support group either face to face or on line? Perhaps you could find other doctors that will help you.

I always tend to obsess about things I want resolved. One thing that helps me feel better is to have a Plan B or even C, D and E.

If you can make it happen, you could move to Philly. It's hands-down the most transgender-friendly city in the States. There's a wonderful LGBT clinic here, and you wouldn't have to wait for hormones.

A. Support group? what's that? (that is my way of making it plain, not only no support group, I have never met face to face a self professed homosexual let alone something seemingly more rare like a person that is TG. There simply is nothing in town here that I am aware of.

As it is, the crisis person I met way back in the beginning was clearly out of her depth dealing with a suicidal depressed TG person. I have been told the professional crowd in town lacks the job training I need.

B. Move to Philly? That would be hard for me to manage as a single day trip. Moving to the US might as well be moving to the moon for me. I am breathing only thanks to my ODSP pension. The second my address is not Ontario Canada I might as well set fire to my belongings and go expire on the street.

I have an old close friend living in Texas (married a Texan girl) he's Canadian. He has actually made the remark, 'why not come and live with me and I will pay for it'. He's generous like that in the way that life will give most people 1 or 2 persons in your life time that would actually do something like that. I have zero desire to even pass through the US let alone vacation there, so living there is of course, to my mine a preposterous notion. But hey, if I were single, and I had just been told no, we are not helping you with squat, I'd likely take him up on it.