This morning I went to my therapist with my mom. She spent 45 minutes talking with my therapist and going over some ultimatums with me. She told me that after I went to church a few weeks ago dressed, she had received a few calls from the congregation. Aparently everyone knew me. I didn't go there hiding from now one. My mom told me that I am not passable, even though she doesn't fully understand what being passable is. I told her that all I did was since I was planning on starting to go full time, I decided to test the waters, and I went to church as my true self, regardless if people recognized me or not. That wasn't my intention.  The main problem I had was when I used the ladies room. My pastor called me about that a few days later and told me what I should have done. Now of course, the congregation was more concerned about my sister and my niece seeing me dressed and what could have happened. They weren't there, so it wasn't a part of the equation. I preplanned everything. My mom felt that I was being selfish in deciding to do this, because of the fact that a lot of people know us and now they're going to be ridiculing me.  If they had just asked me, I would have explianed, but no they went to my mom and asked her and she doesn't know enough about my condition to accurately  explain it to them.

And again my mom told my therapist that because of how well they are known, because of their business, I am being ostracized.

Then she told him that I am confused of who and what I am. Then he stood up for me, and said that this is not a fade, but more of a reality because I've been doing this since I was 15 years old. Five years after my accident. So my mom has accepted that and that it is caused because of the damage to my brain and she will not stop me from doing it, but if I were to go full time, she refuses to call me 'GINA'. Then she asked me why do I have to go out dressed? Why can't I just be content with dressing behind closed doors? I should keep this to myself. Then she said that being gay is the better of the two evils.

So we've agreed that I can go out dressed as long as it's in a diffrent county. 

Ah, yes, the good ol' you're trans/gay/bi/ace/fill-in-the-blank because of some kind of trauma (physical, emotional, verbal, etc) argument. Wow. That gets old.

HUGS

Moms can tough... but we gotta love them because they are.. moms. Is there any slightest chance that she might change her opinion if You press hard and long enough?

I would suggest to not accept her "ultimatums", nor the cowardice of the church's pastor and the congregation.

You would not tolerate this behavior if you were black in an all-white church...don't accept any closet offered, even if it is the entire neighboring county.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on December 17, 2013, 03:04:48 PM
I would suggest to not accept her "ultimatums", nor the cowardice of the church's pastor and the congregation.

Agreed.  And as for being selfish, you should definitely be true to yourself and not worry about what other people say (even your mom).

Sorry for the rough time BFF. Here is a BIG HUG! I wish I could do more. 

Quote from: Constance on December 17, 2013, 02:41:01 PM
Ah, yes, the good ol' you're trans/gay/bi/ace/fill-in-the-blank because of some kind of trauma (physical, emotional, verbal, etc) argument. Wow. That gets old.

HUGS

Yeah I see what you mean Constance, but I've seen enough neuropsychologists that have told me that my GID is caused from the damage done to the frontal lobe of my brain. So there's gotta be some truth to what they're sayin'.

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on December 17, 2013, 02:52:01 PM
Moms can tough... but we gotta love them because they are.. moms. Is there any slightest chance that she might change her opinion if You press hard and long enough?

Y'know Emily, my mom said very adamently that if I continue to dress in Port Charlotte, she will pack up everything and move, and she was very serious about it. And she'd be moving to Texas to be with my youngest sister and her grand sons.She honestly believes that everyone in Port Charlotte knows her because of their business that they've been running for the past 20 years, and she's afraid of losing credability if they see me dressed as a woman.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on December 17, 2013, 03:04:48 PM
I would suggest to not accept her "ultimatums", nor the cowardice of the church's pastor and the congregation.

You would not tolerate this behavior if you were black in an all-white church...don't accept any closet offered, even if it is the entire neighboring county.

I'd be really taking my chances by just going out anywhere and anyone could see me and they'd call my mom and tell her. Do I really want to take that chance? I mean I could be simply walking through our shopping mall and someone could see me and they could easily go back home and call without giving it a second thought. Is it really worth the risk?

Quote from: Anna++ on December 17, 2013, 03:09:55 PM
Agreed.  And as for being selfish, you should definitely be true to yourself and not worry about what other people say (even your mom).

I can easily travel a half hour either way and not be causing any trouble, and I'd still be able to be true to myself and not worry what other people would say. This was something that my therapist had discussed with me awhile back.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on December 17, 2013, 03:31:49 PM
Sorry for the rough time BFF. Here is a BIG HUG! I wish I could do more. 

Hey Jessica, nice hearing from you.  It's been rough, but at least we're compromising now instead of purging.

Hugs, I am sorry you are having a difficult time.

I agree moms can be really tough. Actually parents in general can be tough and try to make you do what they want. I guess this will just take time

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on December 17, 2013, 06:48:40 PM
Hugs, I am sorry you are having a difficult time.

Thanks for the hug Cynthia. At least I know I can always depend on my sisters here.

Quote from: gowiththeflow on December 17, 2013, 06:49:50 PM
I agree moms can be really tough. Actually parents in general can be tough and try to make you do what they want. I guess this will just take time

I agree with you as well. Parents can be tough. But I'm just bidding my time. I'm actually working on something that may bring her around. Let y'all know later.

Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 17, 2013, 06:25:52 PM
Yeah I see what you mean Constance, but I've seen enough neuropsychologists that have told me that my GID is caused from the damage down to the frontal lobe of my brain. So there's gotta be some truth to what they're sayin'.

Total and utter rubbish.

If any reputable neuro said that they would be wearing a red nose and a clown costume

I've sustained several injuries including spinal and cerebral injuries, but my GID existed long before hand so I'm not buying into the injuries being responsible either

Sorry your mom is not being very supportive, hopefully she'll come around at some point

Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 17, 2013, 02:27:48 PM
My mom felt that I was being selfish in deciding to do this, because of the fact that a lot of people know us and now they're going to be ridiculing me. 

Argh! Selfish!

Like you decided in utero to become transgender just in order to make life tough for them.

Keep repeating to yourself and whomever will listen:
1. We don't choose to be transgender.
2. Transgender is so powerful that when we ignore it, it drives us to depression and even suicide.
3. There is only one effective treatment for transgender, and that is to transition to live as our true gender.

Good look sweetie. Your family situation sounds difficult and challenging. Give yourself credit for standing up to a tough challenge.

My dear old mother accepted my changes well enough, but just now, back for an extended visit before christmas, she occasionally waxes on about how she misses her son. What can you do? I could push, I could fight, but the reality is she knew me as her son for 30 years before, she's 80 now and fairly frail both emotionally and physically. So I just smile and say I'm still here for her, just a little more myself these days. Someone said, Moms, gotta love em. That's about it. Unless they're being malicious of course. But sometimes it might be best to understand where they are coming from too. And then we go back to where we live and work and have lovely friends who know us and love us for who we are, and everything is fine. As they say round these parts, hugs.

Reason number 436 as to why organized bigotry religion in the US is poisonous.

You could solve this problem very easily.  Don't go to church.  Trust me, you'll be so much better off.

(Off the soapbox now.  I hope all of this works itself out, but don't allow anyone to make excuses for your gender identity or convince you that you're ill or something that should be hidden for the comfort of others.)