As I sit here writing this I am kind of laughing at myself. Why you might ask. Well because I am close to accomplishing a major goal and I once again I am learning to deal with that.

So I probably need to explain this. One of the issues that many post op women face is this driving, almost all encompassing goal to get SRS. It often can consume us and become our one focal point in life. Then fast forward to shortly after SRS. The goal is accomplished........what's next? We were so focused on that goal and now that its over what the heck do we do? Sometimes post op women go thorough a sort of depression after SRS because they were not prepared for after reaching that goal.

So for me, as I have said I am about to accomplish this major goal. The one thing I didn't do was finish the hair removal on my face till years after SRS. I guess I just ignored it and shaved once a day and was happy. Then earlier this year I got an electro machine and began zapping. It has become a focal point for me for the last seven months. I have put in more time than I can imagine zapping those hairs.

Lately I find when I sit down in front of the mirror it is very hard to find hairs. But I feel compelled to keep looking, almost like my mind is saying if you look harder you will find them, don't stop!! I think my mind is not accepting the fact that I don't have to be zapping hairs like I was a month ago. I want those dam hairs but they aren't there anymore. And then I stop and sit in my chair and its like what next?

So now you know why I am laughing at myself. I guess I simply am having a difficult time dealing with the fact that I am about done with this one last transition related goal, and I need to find something new as a goal or perhaps just tell myself to relax.

Life is weird at times.

Katie 

I am not transgender but I know I get the same feeling every time that I accomplish something I have set for myself. I am the type of person who is GO GO GO and when I just finish a goal, I have that small period of quietness before I start on my next project. It is frustrating for sure! Just try to ride it out and you will find something that you can work towards that will take away the unease!

Ah yes, I remember it well!

Being transsexual in the 1950s and 60s was an extreme struggle! Doctors didn't know squat so there was so much I needed to learn, biology, the endocrine system, negotiating skills, psychology - basically all the things to help me get where I wanted to go and to not be derailed along the way. I also had to learn patience and dogged determination. The struggle went on for more than 10 years and became a matter of life or death in the last few years.

When I finally won out and achieved SRS/transition it was just an incredible sense of relief. It was just euphoria to not have to struggle any more and I spend a year or more just revelling in the ease and comfort of my new life. I didn't want to do anything other than enjoy life.

Later, in my career, I turned the determination and stubbornness I had developed toward my work and did extremely well in my career.

Now, being retired, I am having a great deal of trouble "letting go" of that drive. I am getting better but I still have to learn to sit back and relax.

Sit back and relax or find some thing creative to do. I have a different sort of hobby . I do mathematics. I  can  spend an incredible amount of joyous energy on my hobby.

Katie,

What you describe sounds a lot like post-partum depression!

Post pardum depression? Ya know that very well could be the case. I just know that a lot of post op gals I have met go through it. For me I don't recall experiencing much of it after SRS but then I quickly focused on FFS and that became the focal point. After FFS, I don't remember. As I said before I ignored my facial hair for a number of years till this year. Go figure.