I'm not treated like me. It's like my mother has completely forgotten about my email and just treats me like I always was, not like how I want to be treated, even though I thought I was giving even more to her.

I'm also very jealous of my sister, who is on her third boyfriend.

Quote from: Willow on December 16, 2013, 08:49:56 PM
I'm not treated like me. It's like my mother has completely forgotten about my email and just treats me like I always was, not like how I want to be treated, even though I thought I was giving even more to her.

]
I think that's part of the denial process. My family was like that for 3 years. I "gave them time" as they requested whenever the topic came up, but after 3 years of "time" I finally had to start breaking their denial and confronting it head on.

Quote from: Willow on December 16, 2013, 08:49:56 PM
I'm not treated like me. It's like my mother has completely forgotten about my email and just treats me like I always was, not like how I want to be treated, even though I thought I was giving even more to her.

I'm also very jealous of my sister, who is on her third boyfriend.

I'm so sorry hun!

You are a remarkably wonderful woman and I hope your family comes to realize it one day. Also its not about the number of partners you have but the quality of the relationships. 

Quote from: caleb. on December 16, 2013, 10:06:50 PM
I think that's part of the denial process. My family was like that for 3 years. I "gave them time" as they requested whenever the topic came up, but after 3 years of "time" I finally had to start breaking their denial and confronting it head on.

I just hope I'm not forced to go to church in clothes I don't want. I already am not thrilled of going to church at all, the only way I'll do it is in my dress, I've determined. But according to the way mom is acting, said dress doesn't exist.

Quote from: Shaina on December 16, 2013, 10:56:22 PMI'm so sorry hun!

You are a remarkably wonderful woman and I hope your family comes to realize it one day. Also its not about the number of partners you have but the quality of the relationships.

Maybe it will get better when dad gets in on Saturday.
I don't care about her number, just that she can do it. I never had the chance, and won't for a while. The words girlfriend and boyfriend weren't in my vocabulary, and still aren't. I don't even know how to negotiate a relationship, set one up, anything. This gives her more experience in something that is normally a "coming of age" event, that I never had.

It's been 17 hours since my last HRT dosage and I am getting quite GID angsty already . And I still have 14 days in front of me. Also, I don't understand why I had to have a libido boost to "release steam" levels right before this. The first two days were quite fun, but I'm getting my genital dysphoria back.

So my hiatus from work continues.  Apparently, there is a hiring freeze and my transfer/promotion needs to be approved by the higher ups.  They will only hire if it's deemed necessary to fill the position (which it is because it's a really busy medical practice).  The office manager in charge told me that things should be okay because they need to fill that position, but it appears that I may not start until the beginning of January and that's if the company heads approve.  Otherwise, it may be a longer wait.  My original position was temp, so I'm on the sidelines until this gets sorted out.  Sucks.   

Everything is compounding and it all seems to be my fault foe making it worse. Nobody is saying it is, it just feels like it. Dad has been given his new orders, and has 7 days to accept the transfer, or submit his retirement papers. He and mom are at each other's throats again and are looking at divorce, again. This may not have been the best time to come out after all.

Quote from: Willow on December 17, 2013, 12:41:07 PM
Everything is compounding and it all seems to be my fault foe making it worse. Nobody is saying it is, it just feels like it. Dad has been given his new orders, and has 7 days to accept the transfer, or submit his retirement papers. He and mom are at each other's throats again and are looking at divorce, again. This may not have been the best time to come out after all.

There is never a best time. You are not responsible for your parents actions or reactions. The issues they have seem to have been around for quite a while and they would be arguing/fighting whether or not you said anything. Be glad that it is done and not hanging over your head as it would be if you hadn't.

Quote from: LordKAT on December 18, 2013, 01:35:41 AM
There is never a best time. You are not responsible for your parents actions or reactions. The issues they have seem to have been around for quite a while and they would be arguing/fighting whether or not you said anything. Be glad that it is done and not hanging over your head as it would be if you hadn't.

♥ ~ There is so much truth in this. My timing was terrible for some other people. I was sorry about it, but others' issues don't take precedence over my own. I came out 6-12 months after my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer ~ he has been in remission for over a year now and is doing great. Shortly after I came out, my mother's cousin died (relatively young and suddenly, I think it was a heart problem). It was too much for them to handle, but they made their own problems worse by their reaction ~ I didn't make it worse because of who I am.

It is funny. My parents and siblings (aside from my brother and his wife ~ though he still gets really nervous when I tell him anything) took it hard and fought back. My in-laws still appear to like me and treat me pretty normally. My wife is somewhere in between, but that's understandable (and she's really amazingly supportive in her way). Unfortunately it will mostly be my wife who controls whether I will remain a part of that family. Fortunately there's hope there too.

Winterfell has literally came out of my fridge. I nearly have double the capacity now, and judging some of the things attached to the ice chunks, a good deal of the ice predates me.

I accidently stepped a Cheerio that had fell from my cereal.  :/  It's totally uneatable now because it's RUINED!  Wasted money....and I didn't even buy them.  I feel bad.

Yes, I am seriously complaining about that.  It's a slow morning.

Net was down last night.

i had some mental issues lately (with my Aspergers). I'm relapsing to how bad it was before i went into therapy for it. All those years for nothing?

Have to go to work, just got some more bills I can't pay and meds I can't afford.

Quote from: Zóôt Al-Lúrês, Count of Anvil on December 18, 2013, 12:19:26 PM
i had some mental issues lately (with my Aspergers). I'm relapsing to how bad it was before i went into therapy for it. All those years for nothing?

Hardly! Everyone takes a few steps back some times. The most important thing is that you use what you learned in therapy to get back to a better place. It won't take nearly as long because I think of these things as riding a bike. You never truly forget.

Dysphoria took away my strength to get out of bed for over six hours. It's a good thingi don't have anything important to do today.

Quote from: Willow on December 18, 2013, 02:18:55 PM
Dysphoria took away my strength to get out of bed for over six hours. It's a good thingi don't have anything important to do today.

I am so sorry to hear that! I know that Caleb has been dealing with something similar today. He got out of bed but he doesn't feel up to going out to the store or anything like that.

It must be the day for it. Mine has been bad, though not debilitating thank god.

The hormonal dysphoria has been hiding lately... now it wants to "play" again before  \/ \/ \/

Quote from: kabit on December 18, 2013, 05:18:17 PMIt must be the day for it. Mine has been bad, though not debilitating thank god.

Tis' the season, they say. Indeed it is for me.
I only feel it right to ask for permission from my parents, considering I'm still on their insurance, to start HRT, but it could take months, years, for them to understand enough to accept me as me.
Nothing in the world would make me happier than them saying "I approve of this, go ahead and transition." Not all the presents under the Christmas tree, nor any that don't fit. Not even my desire to own my own jet is as strong as the desire to be accepted as a woman by my family. I'd much rather have the latter than the former, that can come later, if ever.

Quote from: Willow on December 18, 2013, 09:27:59 PM
Tis' the season, they say. Indeed it is for me.
I only feel it right to ask for permission from my parents, considering I'm still on their insurance, to start HRT, but it could take months, years, for them to understand enough to accept me as me.
Nothing in the world would make me happier than them saying "I approve of this, go ahead and transition." Not all the presents under the Christmas tree, nor any that don't fit. Not even my desire to own my own jet is as strong as the desire to be accepted as a woman by my family. I'd much rather have the latter than the former, that can come later, if ever.

It's all I want for Christmas. I'm afraid I'll be disappointed on Christmas day, but you never know!

I couldn't care less about the physical stuff. This Christmas is different... all I want is love and acceptance. It's an expensive gift... My wife loves me and appears to accept me, or at least she's incredibly supportive, but I want her to be OK with me sticking around permanently. Most of my family does not accept me as I am; they are incredibly nervous and touchy around me and I suppose I am around them. I want that to end and acceptance to begin... but I think it will be years, yet. My wife's family is great, though. There are some awkward times, but for the most part I'm treated normally -- which is all I really want. My MIL is just cool ~ she talks to me about all kinds of stuff. One SIL is the same... only closer to my age and with kids around my kids' ages. I have yet to have a problem with her.

Tolerance and acceptance are different... perhaps my in-laws are only tolerating me, but at least they're tolerating me. Most of my family, aside from my brother and his wife, aren't even tolerant of me right now. They're trying... but they need to fix their problems with me and that's not something I can really help with... and my brother will be away this Christmas (his wife's family lives some hours away).

So Christmas should be a blaaast... At least I'm looking forward to visiting with my in laws ~ which is where the bulk of it will be!