I need to share with all of you something that has truly destroyed my life. The following video it is simply a glimpse of what I've had to deal with as a child and as a teenager and as an adult. And lately its gotten worse. The things that my mother has done to me and my younger brother are far and above and beyond anything that should be done to child. I was not able to record the entire incident on video. But I can assure you that my mother has done things like this and much worse. This is the thing that keeps following me around keeping me from being my true self. I can only imagine how it's affecting my younger brother as well.  She just wants me to be  some version of myself and I am not allowed to be my true self, which will be lying to everyone else and I can't do that. Anyways I need your support right now I know am going through a hell of a time and even though I just won some money its been tainted by the constant chaos that's around my life. This video had to do with me trying to find items for my of costume and also we were trying to have Thanksgiving dinner But it seems like nothing I do matters or can make a difference. I'm stuck in a beauty and a beast a relationship with my mother and I'm not even living with her


Here is a link to the unlisted video for that only you all here can see it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEUVGnhji2I&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I dont know what to say...

It seems like your mom really doesnt understand you , its clear that you go through a lot but its just like you said, you are not a screw up...

I ve been through a lot myself but they only thing I could do was believe that better days will come...
so hang in there 

Unless you have to depend upon her, I would not even associate with her.  You do not need negative people in your life.

I couldn't even believe what I was watching. I am so, so sorry you have had to have someone like her as part of your life. I've had issues with my parents, but nothing even comes close to what was in that video. If I were you I would do whatever it takes to get away from her and never look back.

Kia Ora Shawn,

I only listened to the first few minutes of the video...

Your mother needs 'specialist-professional' help, I say this out of compassion with no malice intended...

Sadly it would seem your presence brings out the bottled up hatred and venom in her. .By staying in contact with her, you are only fuelling the fire of hatred she has towards you...

There's an old saying "If you truly love somebody you should let them go !" Perhaps it's time for you to love your mother from a distance...

Remember Shawn you have a new family here now, one that totally accepts you for who you are...

Metta Zenda

Thank you all for your loving words. Unfortunately this is not even over yet because now my moms best friends somehow is defending my mother's actions and saying that I should have not posted the video on YouTube. Except that this video is only be able to those who I send the link to. I asked her best friend to try and get my mother some help and try and see what to do about the situation. But instead I got a reply of your mother's going through a lot of stress and your part of her stress in that you are horrible to post a video. But I had to post this video it was eating away at me I need people to see this video so that's my family n friends who I trust or what I thought I could trust and see the real true side of my mom. Or at the very least the side of her this seems to always occur whenever I'm around her or my brother. So now I think was going to happen is the rest of the family is going to look just say oh she known you for posting this video on YouTube. But again I had to remind them that this is a unlisted video I can make it only available to those I give the link to. What you know if my family needs to see the whole entire truth about everything anyway. I can't be the person I need to be when I'm around my mother and I know that's the truth. But I'm kind of stuck in that abusive relationship thing that I know everyone talking about. I keep hoping and praying that somehow someday my mom will change and she never does. And I think that she wants me to change to but not the direction that I would want to go. So all I can do now is just move on and find another family and you're right about that. It's just really painful to try to accept that reality.

I have had to walk away from abusive family before. My grandpa. Fortunately, it didn't last forever - when he realized I was serious, he shaped up, at least around me. It was the hardest thing ever for me because my grandma means the world to me. But I reached a point where I knew I had to do it, for my own health, so that I could be the best person I could be. I was starting to grow hateful, and that wasn't the type of person I wanted to become.

I can't watch your video, knowing that it will hit me way too close to home, but take my word for it - since you are not dependent on your family, consider yourself lucky and try to make some breaks. You don't even have to tell your mother you are "done", just take the break and don't do anything final. You can't grow into who you want to be when you are surrounded with people who are abusive towards you. You have to be emotionally healthy, not just for you, but for the people who love and care about you.

Shawn, I think you may find some helpful information here:
http://www.outofthefog.net/
Take care Sunshine.

-Emerald

Honey get away from her, she is sick.

I suffered unbelievable abuse, but they didn't care for me, just the money I could earn for them.

To face that sort of crap from a parent is too much.

And my apologies I could only watch a few minutes as it was triggering me.

Send this video to your therapist.

I've told you before,walk away from her right now.I'm so sorry you had to go through this crap

I'm speechless after watching that. Shawn you need to distance yourself from your "mom", not that she deserves that title.

I can not believe how you were able to remain calm during her outburst. At least you appeared to keep calm.

I wonder what would happen if you were to show that video to the authorities. She might be given the help that she needs.

Hugs,
Bethany Dawn

Well actually I already have shown this video to my therapist. My therapist doesn't even know my mom and she compared her to Medusa. Saying that I have to be willing to cut off the Medusa head out of my life. Thing that I will never truly happy and less I get out of this relationship. I've been trying to find some sort of bond with my mom for the last 35 years. Instead of having a binder any kind of real love I get a mixture of love and hate and it hasn't changed and I'm hoping it will change. I went on Facebook and post this to certain family members and friends. I told my mom simply that I love her but I can't be around her and then I have to mostly divorce myself from her. I have asked her not to call me not to visit me not to text me. And I told her that I pray that she will get the help she needs.

She is a grown woman though showing the video to authority is not the answer.

"Just be simple", "Don't make things complicated". I think these are things that a lot of trans people hear. Sometimes people(especially parents) just can't or don't want to deal the inherent difficulty of having a transperson in their life. I've been told, albeit very mildly, to just "not be so weird".

You may never get her to understand that it's harder for you than it is for her and you're not just acting out or something. Asking her to stay away was probably smart. I wish you the best.

I was mostly raised by someone who chose to put me down most of the time, tell me how much of a burden I was and at times even locked me into a small bedroom as a child when she had to go to work. So my advice to you is stay away from her as much as possible. If you have to currently rely on her for anything, work at getting out of that situation. The sad thing is that sort of treatment from someone who should care about you is what does us quite a bit of damage, damage that can take a very long time to fix if ever.

I'm not going to call her names or anything as she is your mother, but just do whatever you can to shed yourself of her, its really in your best interest.

Ugh..well now I feel awful ...moms best friend and one family member said posting the video was a horrible thing to do. I'm being attacked now for trying to tell the truth. Its too much to bear but I'm handling it ok since there are other family and friends who are supporting me I.don't wis to.harm or embarrass my mom but she needs mental help and emotional and spiritual help. I didn't post the video to family to make my mom look bad. I simply needed my own peace of which I cannot find when I'm near her. I love her still but

I am finally shattered.

I had a dream that they were demons surrounding me as well
That the ghost of  my mom was haunting me
In fact I felt so guilty for trying to tell the truth myself. That I had nightmares last night that seem to be evil in nature. I dreamt of my mom committed suicide or was going to commit

suicide and it goes to my mom was wanting me

Well posting a video on your mom on youtube sure isn't very nice, But I do understand that you feel the need to be heard and a proff material on whats going on, and when theres no other way we do get quit desperate.

like the other I belive its good you take a distance from her not to let her harm you any future.
You should not deal with her problems if you already tried for so long then I belive you did a good try and she would need a profesional if that the caise. Sure you can do something for the situation to be better but if she isn't wiling to accept your offer then its no help. You can't force her to accept your offer she have to take that step by herself.

I think its good you have the video for your therapist so she understand and can help you getting thou some of this. its not your fault.
-

I'm sure I'm not the first person to post videos of abusive behaviors from family members. Kitkat.  This was totally neccessary for my own peace alone and for others in the family to see. I was not trying at all to.be mean. But thank you for caring natkat

MOVE FAR AWAY !! GET A JOB ! TRANSITION. ! CALL HER TWICE A WEEK . This is a toxic relationship !

Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on December 20, 2013, 09:49:18 PM
I'm sure I'm not the first person to post videos of abusive behaviors from family members. Kitkat.  This was totally necessary for my own peace alone and for others in the family to see. I was not trying at all to.be mean. But thank you for caring natkat

I don't see anything wrong with you posting the video. As you've said, it's in an "unlisted" setting. I have seen FAR worse videos of this type just thrown out onto Youtube for the entire world to see.

I also completely understand your reasons for doing what you did. I hope that maybe, someday, your mother can get some help. She sorely needs it. You certainly don't deserve that kind of treatment.

My god Shawn I'am so sorry you have to deal with that, it's awful.

No offense to your mother, but from that video, I can only see one person with problems. I feel bad for her, but worse for you and your so civil when you talk to her that's amazing. It's obvious your the only one making the real effort here and I know that's your mother and a part of you may always love her, just try not to waste much more of your life getting her to respect you. It just seems incredibly stressful and I really really hope you can get out of it soon. May sound selfish, but stay focused on you.

All my best wishes