I learned a long time ago that trying to be assertive or even aggressive with my mom only causes me more pain.  When I was a kid it sometimes led to beatings. I've been beaten ptrerty badly with a bike tire. Kicked in the stomach for trying to tell my mom not not buy a Ouija board. Screamed at ..cussed at..been told all my life how worthless and how much of a burden I.am. there are more bad moments I have blocked out. Being passive while.I'm whispering to myself its only temporary or shes just having a bad day. I have developed.a. way to.keep calm.

I watched the first 2 minutes of that video and had to stop watching it; it was triggering me.

Shawn - you HAVE to get away from her - she is TOXIC. I don't know what her problems are (and I don't really care), but they are not YOUR problems and she is clearly taking her problems out on you. This is sorry parenting; it is ABUSE. Listen to her shout - she can't even carry on a normal conversation without raving and shouting and denigrating you!!

No child should ever have to suffer abuse from a parent like you are taking.

Please, please make a plan to escape her. You will feel much better when you get yourself away from that abuse. And when you do escape her don't look back.

My thoughts are with you.

~Eva

Well it will be sometime before I can move away from Texas that's all I can do for now it's just not contact her and not visit or anything. But at the same time now it looks like I'm getting a lot of flack for posting that video. I only posted  it to people who were friends and family that was close. And again I just don't know what to do with I think I'm going to have to go to my sisters to visit them for Christmas. I have one sister I have not met yet because she's from a different family. So I think I will save some money up and take a bus trip. And I should be able to go sometime between the 26th May 31st to South Carolina and Arkansas. And then eventually come back. But there won't be any sort of real Christmas for me here.

Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on December 21, 2013, 08:31:38 PM
I only posted  it to people who were friends and family that was close.

Except that, you didn't. It's here for all the world to see. Just pointing that out.

I can't watch anymore. Get away from her. Live your life. Be happy.

Its still an unlisted video..I don't mind if people from Susan's see it.

I will try. Going to be rough to severe all family ties. It would probably lead to that.

Not sure how it could be rougher than maintaining them.

I would have NOTHING to do with my mom if she treated me like that. Get away from that toxic relationship as soon as possible!

I am so sorry.  I couldn't listen to more than the first couple of minutes, because it triggered really bad memories of the abuse I suffered from my wife before I even had come out to myself as trans.  She is (thankfully) my ex now. 

I don't know your financial situation, or what is keeping you there, but I'd say you are desperately in need of an exit strategy.  Transitioning is hard enough without having negativity screamed at you constantly.

*hug*