I'd forgotten how often my godmother says something gendering me... She's been here for barely one day and has tried to get me in a dress, put  jewelry on me, given me a jewelry box as a present and said I should have my hair curled if I have it this short...

I realize this post will sound petty and spoiled, but I really didn't ask for much on Christmas and got nothing that I wanted.  My mom got me things she thinks I should like rather than stuff I actually wanted.  And what gets me is that I told her only a few things I really wanted so she wouldn't go all out like she always does.  She kept begging me for things to get, and I gave her a little list and said that's all because I don't want her to get a lot and only wanted a few things.  Most of those things weren't there in place of expensive things I really didn't want or need.   I'm not angry at her and I'm grateful that she tries so hard, but she didn't even hear me.  I totally understand her financial hardships and simply asked for a few things that I actually wanted/needed.  In place, she got me a bunch of stuff that I don't want or need which was not only a waste of money but shows me how little she takes my feelings into account.  I'm trying to put a smile on my face so she feels it's a good christmas and that she surprised me; however, I would rather her spend half of what she did and receive things that I really wanted rather than what she thinks I should like.  In any case, all I want is for my mom to have a good Christmas because she works so hard and she's been through a lot this year (my transition and other family problems), so I will take my feelings and place them anonymously here.  It just hurts when you see your sisters open up gifts they wanted and I get things that I won't use.  While it sounds terribly spoiled, I really just wanted her to get me the things I wanted/needed rather than spend a whole bunch of money on things I don't want.   It's the emotional statement that it sends to me.  Well, I suppose some things are too close to my transition, so that's why she wouldn't get them for me.  Boys must get boy things only, right?

Sorry for sounding terrible, it just hit me emotionally.  In any case, my mom is a great person who does everything for her family.  She deserves a great Christmas, so I'm holding this in.  Hopefully, we'll have a nice dinner and I'll again keep my feelings to myself.   Eh, sorry for sounding like a bitch, I don't mean to be like that.

Quote from: learningtolive on December 25, 2013, 09:44:32 AM
I realize this post will sound petty and spoiled, but I really didn't ask for much on Christmas and got nothing that I wanted.  My mom got me things she thinks I should like rather than stuff I actually wanted.  And what gets me is that I told her only a few things I really wanted so she wouldn't go all out like she always does.  She kept begging me for things to get, and I gave her a little list and said that's all because I don't want her to get a lot and only wanted a few things.  Most of those things weren't there in place of expensive things I really didn't want or need.   I'm not angry at her and I'm grateful that she tries so hard, but she didn't even hear me.  I totally understand her financial hardships and simply asked for a few things that I actually wanted/needed.  In place, she got me a bunch of stuff that I don't want or need which was not only a waste of money but shows me how little she takes my feelings into account.  I'm trying to put a smile on my face so she feels it's a good christmas and that she surprised me; however, I would rather her spend half of what she did and receive things that I really wanted rather than what she thinks I should like.  In any case, all I want is for my mom to have a good Christmas because she works so hard and she's been through a lot this year (my transition and other family problems), so I will take my feelings and place them anonymously here.  It just hurts when you see your sisters open up gifts they wanted and I get things that I won't use.  While it sounds terribly spoiled, I really just wanted her to get me the things I wanted/needed rather than spend a whole bunch of money on things I don't want.   It's the emotional statement that it sends to me.  Well, I suppose some things are too close to my transition, so that's why she wouldn't get them for me.  Boys must get boy things only, right?

Sorry for sounding terrible, it just hit me emotionally.  In any case, my mom is a great person who does everything for her family.  She deserves a great Christmas, so I'm holding this in.  Hopefully, we'll have a nice dinner and I'll again keep my feelings to myself.   Eh, sorry for sounding like a bitch, I don't mean to be like that.

I'm with you; I only asked for my parents to see and accept me as female, something that costs no money, and instead got a lot of extraneous things, most of which I will never use, like the men's shower kit given to me by dad, or the popcorn popper given to me by my sister.
To be honest, what I wanted, if anyone was to give me anything, was some money. Like visa or amazon gift cards. I was planning on making a donation to Susan's today, but I didn't get any money myself.

Sorry, Susan, looks like you're going to have to wait until tomorrow to see if I get anything to donate.

Quote from: Willow on December 25, 2013, 09:54:26 AM
I'm with you; I only asked for my parents to see and accept me as female, something that costs no money, and instead got a lot of extraneous things, most of which I will never use, like the men's shower kit given to me by dad, or the popcorn popper given to me by my sister.
To be honest, what I wanted, if anyone was to give me anything, was some money. Like visa or amazon gift cards. I was planning on making a donation to Susan's today, but I didn't get any money myself.

Sorry, Susan, looks like you're going to have to wait until tomorrow to see if I get anything to donate.

Yeah, my mom refused to give me any money because she is afraid that it will go towards something girly or transition related.  I'm sorry that you didn't get the things you asked for or wanted.   It's especially hard when you see your sisters opening up all these things and you can't even express who you really are in your own house.  Eh...

In any case, you're young Willow.  You will move on and make it in time.  Just be brave throughout this transitional phase at home. 

On the fifth day of Christmas my body gave to me: DYYYYYS-PHOOOOO-RIIIIIAAAA

I can't wait until I can put on any shirt I want and not feel sad.

Quote from: learningtolive on December 25, 2013, 09:44:32 AM
I realize this post will sound petty and spoiled, but I really didn't ask for much on Christmas and got nothing that I wanted.  My mom got me things she thinks I should like rather than stuff I actually wanted.  And what gets me is that I told her only a few things I really wanted so she wouldn't go all out like she always does.  She kept begging me for things to get, and I gave her a little list and said that's all because I don't want her to get a lot and only wanted a few things.  Most of those things weren't there in place of expensive things I really didn't want or need.   I'm not angry at her and I'm grateful that she tries so hard, but she didn't even hear me.  I totally understand her financial hardships and simply asked for a few things that I actually wanted/needed.  In place, she got me a bunch of stuff that I don't want or need which was not only a waste of money but shows me how little she takes my feelings into account.  I'm trying to put a smile on my face so she feels it's a good christmas and that she surprised me; however, I would rather her spend half of what she did and receive things that I really wanted rather than what she thinks I should like.  In any case, all I want is for my mom to have a good Christmas because she works so hard and she's been through a lot this year (my transition and other family problems), so I will take my feelings and place them anonymously here.  It just hurts when you see your sisters open up gifts they wanted and I get things that I won't use.  While it sounds terribly spoiled, I really just wanted her to get me the things I wanted/needed rather than spend a whole bunch of money on things I don't want.   It's the emotional statement that it sends to me.  Well, I suppose some things are too close to my transition, so that's why she wouldn't get them for me.  Boys must get boy things only, right?

Sorry for sounding terrible, it just hit me emotionally.  In any case, my mom is a great person who does everything for her family.  She deserves a great Christmas, so I'm holding this in.  Hopefully, we'll have a nice dinner and I'll again keep my feelings to myself.   Eh, sorry for sounding like a bitch, I don't mean to be like that.

You don't have anything to apologise for, hon.

They say it's the thought that counts. And your feelings are tied into the thoughts you feel your mom had with regard to what she was willing to get versus what you wanted her to get. And perhaps on a deeper level, that impacted you in the way you feel she isn't listening to you, and actively tries to divert her attention from what you want to what she thinks you want. It's obvious you're hurting because you feel it's an attempt to define you, rather than let you define yourself. And that's perfectly understandable. It's not so much about the gifts as what they represent.

You don't sound like a bitch. We draw connections from all kinds of things. And it's a good thing that you were able to get out how you felt, rather than let it bubble inside. *hugs*

Don't be so hard on yourself, hon.

So far i like what i've heard of Nirvana, only problem is, their sound (and especially Cobain's voice) puts me right back into the bad place i was in a few months back. And i am not going to allow that intense depression back into my life. i have enough mental issues as is. But something about that voice, the whole pain and terror, it just speaks to me. It's something i know too well.

The stores are all closed.

Quote from: LordKAT on December 25, 2013, 06:17:50 PM
The stores are all closed.

With a word she can get what she came for.

My parents are making birthday plans for me.
It's my day, I think I should get the only say. All I want to do is dress as Willow. Really, that's it.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 25, 2013, 06:22:02 PM
With a word she can get what she came for.

Love those stairs.

Quote from: Willow on December 25, 2013, 06:37:54 PM
My parents are making birthday plans for me.
It's my day, I think I should get the only say. All I want to do is dress as Willow. Really, that's it.

Tell them you have plans. If they want to be involved, they do it your way. It sounds like you do have plans so carry them out. Unless family means more of course.

More importantly, since FB is being an A **hat, Happy Birthday!!

LtL, Willow,
You have every right to be annoyed, misgendering you through a gift is as insulting as misgendering you vocally.
To be honest I would be tempted to leave these gifts with them when you go home, unless you can sell them.

Willow happy birthday honey, this is a new year in your life and one in which you will blossom into the lovely young lady you are. Oh, and I'd dress as your true gender and stuff the responses where they see no light!

bloating...

Quote from: Cindy on December 25, 2013, 10:19:31 PM
LtL, Willow,
You have every right to be annoyed, misgendering you through a gift is as insulting as misgendering you vocally.
To be honest I would be tempted to leave these gifts with them when you go home, unless you can sell them.

Willow happy birthday honey, this is a new year in your life and one in which you will blossom into the lovely young lady you are. Oh, and I'd dress as your true gender and stuff the responses where they see no light!

Quote from: Sephirah on December 25, 2013, 02:24:58 PM
You don't have anything to apologise for, hon.

They say it's the thought that counts. And your feelings are tied into the thoughts you feel your mom had with regard to what she was willing to get versus what you wanted her to get. And perhaps on a deeper level, that impacted you in the way you feel she isn't listening to you, and actively tries to divert her attention from what you want to what she thinks you want. It's obvious you're hurting because you feel it's an attempt to define you, rather than let you define yourself. And that's perfectly understandable. It's not so much about the gifts as what they represent.

You don't sound like a bitch. We draw connections from all kinds of things. And it's a good thing that you were able to get out how you felt, rather than let it bubble inside. *hugs*

Don't be so hard on yourself, hon.

Thank you guys.  This was really what was at the core of it.  I sat down and spoke with my mother about it and she felt bad.  It wasn't my goal to do so, but I wanted her to understand how I felt.  While she is still against my transition and refuses to have a productive conversation about it,  she acknowledged what happened and she wants to get me the little things I asked for.  It's the sentimental aspect that mattered to me and hopefully we will slowly make some more progress.  At the very least, I think my sisters better understand my feelings and realize how important my transition is to me and how sensitive I am to certain things. 

P.S.  I'm so happy to see you again Seph!

Quote from: kiaraja on December 26, 2013, 12:18:58 AM
bloating...

me too. 

Quote from: FA on December 26, 2013, 09:41:23 AM
me too. 

The holiday bloatage is common to all! 

My mom is going to give the rest of the shrimp to my sister.  Ugh, how horrible.  All of that shrimp should be mine!

Quote from: Willow on December 25, 2013, 06:37:54 PM
My parents are making birthday plans for me.
It's my day, I think I should get the only say. All I want to do is dress as Willow. Really, that's it.

Happy birthday Willow!

I'm feeling drained from all the socialization. At the same time, I keep thinking about things I shouldn't.

Quote from: Edge on December 26, 2013, 11:23:12 AM
I'm feeling drained from all the socialization. At the same time, I keep thinking about things I shouldn't.

Story of my life, you're not alone!