The title says it; 8 months on I'm feeling deeply conflicted and am struggling to even begin to be okay with how my body is now. I'm in therapy, but it's of limited help. Fortunately today was a holiday because I wasn't able to stop crying, feeling that bad about my body.

Hugs darling. Just HUGS

I am sorry that you are depressed.  I recall your situation and earlier posts.

We have members here who have suffered devastating injuries; have lost homes, relationships, jobs; have terminal and crippling diseases.  I don't know how they can continue to struggle, but they find a way.  Perhaps the struggle, in and of itself, is a sort of victory, because you have not packed it in.

I have never been one for hugs and the such but more of honesty and truth,because I feel everyone is worth it and deserves it.Here is what I want to say to you-

This (I do hope) will be a message to everyone else thinking of surgery.not only the physical changes but the emotional and mental as well.this is why people are encouraged to take their time,make sure it is for them and only then-to proceed.'when' they know they are ready in all aspects.that aside,I hope that you can find the strength to come to terms and accept yourself completely.this will help you in so many ways but also,your story could help others.transition in its self is starting over and creating a new and that's what you have done but yes its true.it is so hard to let go of everything we have gotten so used to,our birth,our name,our habits,our body BUT when we can let that all go-then we will finally know peace of mind and a 'fresh' start.stay strong and I pray you lift others as you walk this road.

There is much I like that having SRS has given me. A recent example was not being forced off of HRT because my prescription ran out before the next appointment. In the past this was common as they wouldn't let me go longer than 3 months between appointments but were booked for four already and wouldn't authorize a refill.

The trouble is, the things that I had to have SRS to gain were basic treatment matters that shouldn't have required surgery tio have. If not for that medical mistreatment, which persisted across multiple providers, I'd be happily non-op today.

First of all, I feel extremely sorry for you and can't imagine how it must feel, but I don't think I fully understand it... what bothers you about having undergone SRS? Is it the fact that you no longer have male genitalia?

I struggle to come up with the way to describe it and there's very little for me to use as a guide for ways to do so.

The best way I can was that before I had SRS my body just felt "right."