Well, I took a big step today, and I don't really have anyone to talk about this with in real life so I decided I'd just write up a post and share with you all. ^_^

I went to the doctors today and told her that I think I have gender dysphoria.  It was probably one of the scariest moments in my life, and my blood pressure definitely showed that. *lol*

I was really surprised at how she reacted, she's not a very warm doctor, but she was very understanding.  She asked me a few questions, most of which I wasn't able to answer because I'm not very good at articulating how I feel.  I asked her if she could find me a therapist that I could talk with.  She said of course and praised me on how responsibly I was handling this.  That helped a lot.   So, I should get a phone call from the doctors office within in a few days with a referral. 

I'm really happy and proud of myself for doing this.   After I got it out, it really wasn't as scary as I thought, just the little bit at the beginning.   I think she asked a few too many personal questions, some of which I thought would be better asked by a specialist, but it's all over now.  Yay!.

Despite the tremendous amounts of stress and worry that are surely going to come, I'm extremely happy right now.


- Melissa

CONGRATULATIONS!    Yes, I found that taking those first steps are really nerve recking too. Once you have taken them, it's like someone has lifted a ton off your shoulders.
I can understand how you feel. 

Good Luck!

Quote from: Valkyrie on July 26, 2007, 10:07:58 AM
I'm really happy and proud of myself for doing this.

Congratulations, Melissa! You SHOULD be proud! What a HUGE first step... and really, it's gets easier and easier to talk about all this with people. I was *terrified* to make that first call, and sat in my car shaking and crying when I did... and now I look back and wonder what all the fuss was about, lol.

Well done! Let us know how the therapist referral goes, OK?

~Kate~

That's wonderful Melissa.

It is amazing how much we worry about things and how embarrassed we get when telling other people.  It is also amazing how little they really care.  It is a major step you have taken and you should be proud of yourself for fighting through your fears.

I had a similar experience several weeks ago, though not with someone nearly as important as a doctor.  I walked into a wig shop to buy my first "real" wig.  Here I am, standing in front of a lady, wearing a beard, and telling her I am looking for a wig because I cross-dress.  I know a wig shop is a "safe" place, but that didn't stop the fear or the embarrassment.  She just blew it off and we ended up having a great time.  I walked out of the place with 2 new wigs and a wonderful feeling about myself.  I also felt like an idiot for worrying so much.

You should be very proud of how you handled things...you did great!

.....Laurry

Thanks so much!   

I'm hoping to hear who I get referred to soon, and I will keep you all informed about how it goes! ^_^


~Melissa

Good for you, Melissa.

  It does get easier as you go along when it comes talking about it.

Grats!!
Keep us posted and let us know if you have any problems.  Transitioning alone is extra hard.  Trust me, I know.

Congratulations, Melissa!  Well done!

I, too, would love to hear how the referral goes.  So please keep us posted.

Kristi

That first step is always the hardest! Congratulations kiddo!

(The next few are still pretty hard I think but they get easier the further along you get and the better you feel about it all and such. I think anyway.)

Congrats Valkyrie/Mellisa This is a major step. Best of luck on your journey.

HLL&R

Maebh

Thanks everyone! ^_^

I'm just waiting for the doctors office to call me and let me know who and when.  It's almost been a week and I'm getting so anxious it's making me sick.

Blah...

I dunno, I've just been so moody lately, some moments I'm really happy then I'll see or read something and I'll just spiral into this horrible self loathing.  Well, I guess there's nothing I can do except wait for now.

*hugs*  Thanks again everyone. It's nice to have someone to share with.

~Melissa

Congratulations Mel, It's exciting to hear about progress.  I unfortunately won't be able to do anything for quite some time because of my work situation.  But I get a fuzzy feeling hearing about people doing well.  I am happy for you and hope everything goes great.

~Vanessa

Congrats to you, Melissa. The first step is always the hardest but I'm sure you are rrelieved and happy.

Gennee

Quote from: gennee on August 03, 2007, 10:43:59 AM
Congrats to you, Melissa. The first step is always the hardest but I'm sure you are rrelieved and happy.

Gennee

Congrats. I agree. As for me, joining Susan's place is really only the second step. Even writing this message is causing me stress. But, the best way to beat anxiety is to face it head on, no matter how difficult it seems.

Congratulations Melissa good luck with everything 

I can't even do that at this point. Nice.

Melissa,

Congratulations, the first step is the hardest, I did that four months ago. I am finding it easier the more people I tell. In fact I have found it very therapeutic as I am no longer hiding from myself. However sometimes telling has had mixed reactions from people but I have found on the whole people have been very kind and understanding.

hugs and kissess

Nigella 

Thanks everyone! ^_^   It's so nice to read all the encouraging posts.


deviousxen,
Don't worry.  You'll get there to if you need to.

MSF215,
Oh, I know exactly how you feel.  When I first posted my introduction on Susans my hands were shaking and I could feel my heart pounding like crazy.  It really does get easier, just like Nigella said. ^_^

Yes, it really does get easier.

I wish everyone who is just getting started the very best.




Rebis

Well,  I just got an appointment booked.  It took a while to get a referral but at least the appointment is pretty soon.
It's with a psychologist as opposed to a psychiatrist.  I'm not sure if that's good or not, but at least it's something and someone I can talk to.  At least I know he can't load me up on prescriptions for depression or anything.

My appointment is for august 15th.  Which is really soon.  I'm excited but really really nervous ^_^

I'll let you all know how it goes. ^_^

~Melissa