Well I told my parents that I plan on going to get my forehead and nose ffs around early-mid next year with Dr Maggio and they immediately go off saying I'm going at a bull at a gate rushing everything etc. I mean seriously how slow do they expect me to go? I'm already full time and have had my name legally changed plus have been on hrt for 7 months at current. They keep going on about how I should wait till we see this specialist in Melbourne. I mean what do they honestly expect to change from me seeing another therapist, especially now that I know 100% that transition is the path for me?

I admit even though I try to me as kind and caring as possible I have developed an attitude to them in regards to my transition in that I'm doing things how I see best for me not how they see best for me. What I think is best for me is to keep at the pace I'm going, i.e next step FFS then SRS early 2015. They want me on a pace more like FFs in a few years and SRS in like 5-10 years.

Sigh I hate having to be so defiant but honestly what choice do I have? They are just as stubborn about this as me! As much as I love them I thank god I don't live there anymore so they can't dictate my choices lol.

Your transition, your way.  No one but you can determine when things happen.

10 months for FFS isn't uncommon. I've met a similar thing even trying to Hey on HRT, saying I'm rushing things, and that I need to slow down. A bunch of BS excuses, like having to come out to everyone blah blah.
Ignore them, only you know what is truly right for you.

Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on December 27, 2013, 06:11:57 PM
Your transition, your way.  No one but you can determine when things happen.

Exactly problem is because i do this i'm viewed by them as rebellious, selfish and not caring about their feelings. It would be so nice if they could just let things go and stop making me feel like the bad person. But what can you do I guess?

Quote from: Paige0000 on December 27, 2013, 06:54:59 PM
Exactly problem is because i do this i'm viewed by them as rebellious, selfish and not caring about their feelings. It would be so nice if they could just let things go and stop making me feel like the bad person. But what can you do I guess?

I'm experiencing major déjà vu. Sounds just like me.

My spouse wanted me to spend "a few years" in therapy before I even began HRT. I'm 56. Her pace of doing things would have ended with me being buried in my 80s still legally male. I said no because I saw right through that maneuver.

You need to go at a pace that makes you happy. It's your life, not theirs.

I think it's a mix of what you feel comfortable with and what you think those around you (that you care about) are capable of feeling comfortable with.

Chances are if you are confident in your decision and you have done your research, then you are likely making the right decision for yourself. While I think it's important not to abandon the concerns of those that care about you, it is important to address them with the highest amount of consideration.

Make it easy on them. Maybe (if possible) instead of making it such a discussion, you do your research and then let them know when it is already set in stone. There might be a short blip of turmoil in their eyes, but your confidence and forwardness in the matter will show and that builds trust.

Sometimes it can be dangerous when there are too many cooks in the kitchen. The same goes for your own life. While it is so incredibly important to have the support of others, it is (as others have said) extremely important to do what you need to do. The key is minimizing the impact on other people.

These kinds of decisions sometimes take a lot of tact to get others that are close to you to accept.

I will use myself as an example. Every time I have done something, I haven't told anyone about it until I already made an irreversible action in that direction. I didn't come out to anyone until I had started hormones, I didn't tell my parents about my voice surgery until i'd already paid for it, and same with the FFS procedures I'm about to do.

Allowing them to suggest against what I've known I needed to do would have just complicated matters. Yes it was hard for my mom to accept that I was going to travel to South Korea to have my vocal cords operated upon, but she got over it in less than an hour. If i would have tried to earn her trust beforehand, it could have gone on for months of her trying to talk me out of it.

In the end, you just have to keep moving forward. Minimizing the impact on those you care about will be a great reward for everyone involved

Quote from: Jennygirl on December 28, 2013, 02:17:28 AM


Make it easy on them. Maybe (if possible) instead of making it such a discussion, you do your research and then let them know when it is already set in stone. There might be a short blip of turmoil in their eyes, but your confidence and forwardness in the matter will show and that builds trust.

Sometimes it can be dangerous when there are too many cooks in the kitchen. The same goes for your own life. While it is so incredibly important to have the support of others, it is (as others have said) extremely important to do what you need to do. The key is minimizing the impact on other people.

These kinds of decisions sometimes take a lot of tact to get others that are close to you to accept.

I will use myself as an example. Every time I have done something, I haven't told anyone about it until I already made an irreversible action in that direction. I didn't come out to anyone until I had started hormones, I didn't tell my parents about my voice surgery until i'd already paid for it, and same with the FFS procedures I'm about to do.

Allowing them to suggest against what I've known I needed to do would have just complicated matters. Yes it was hard for my mom to accept that I was going to travel to South Korea to have my vocal cords operated upon, but she got over it in less than an hour. If i would have tried to earn her trust beforehand, it could have gone on for months of her trying to talk me out of it.

In the end, you just have to keep moving forward. Minimizing the impact on those you care about will be a great reward for everyone involved

As has been often the case, I totally agree with Jenny on this one. When possible, the "fait accompli" can be a great way to avoid an endless discussion. While I would never have done this with my wife who shares the consequences of my decisions, it is exactly what I did with my siblings. I didn't come out to them until I had finished my FFS and there was no going back. Obviously living in a different country made the practicalities of this even easier but, for people who are not directly affected by your choices (wife, kids in particular), this to me looks like a very good way of proceeding. For me, parents are not directly affected as it is your life, unless of course you are expecting them to pay...? 

However, concerning the idea of doing FFS so soon, if, as it seems, you are young, I suggest you hold off until you have been on HRT for a couple of years simply because it will be much clearer what surgery you eventually need once you have benefitted from the full effects of the hormones.
Hugs
Donna

Quote from: Paige0000 on December 27, 2013, 05:59:01 PM
Well I told my parents that I plan on going to get my forehead and nose ffs around early-mid next year with Dr Maggio and they immediately go off saying I'm going at a bull at a gate rushing everything etc. I mean seriously how slow do they expect me to go? I'm already full time and have had my name legally changed plus have been on hrt for 7 months at current. They keep going on about how I should wait till we see this specialist in Melbourne. I mean what do they honestly expect to change from me seeing another therapist, especially now that I know 100% that transition is the path for me?

I admit even though I try to me as kind and caring as possible I have developed an attitude to them in regards to my transition in that I'm doing things how I see best for me not how they see best for me. What I think is best for me is to keep at the pace I'm going, i.e next step FFS then SRS early 2015. They want me on a pace more like FFs in a few years and SRS in like 5-10 years.

Sigh I hate having to be so defiant but honestly what choice do I have? They are just as stubborn about this as me! As much as I love them I thank god I don't live there anymore so they can't dictate my choices lol.

I'm really sorry your family is so difficult.  In my own experience, family will see transitioning at any point as rushing and being hasty.  I could delay transitioning for 20 years and I'd still be going about it too hasty in their eyes.  Do what's right for you.

Having said all that, I do hear it's best to give hrt a year or two before deciding on FFS, so you might want to give it a little more time.  It might save you a lot of money which isn't a bad thing!

Yeah also I forgot to mention, 10 months sounds like enough time to me if you really want it. I have heard of people getting FFS even earlier, at 3 months!

I think anything around a year is a safe bet, but that is my own opinion. Everyone's going to have different needs based on their own individual situation as determined by themselves.

A lot of older women get FFS before starting full time. It's done to reverse the impact of decades of testosterone poisoning.

There is no "right" time to do your medical procedures other than what you want to do, within the guidelines established by your physician. That's it! It's between you and your doctor(s). Now you might wish to "go slower" particularly an older transwoman who thinks that easing into things will let her preserve her marriage. But that is completely your choice, not theirs.

As I said before, it's your life. You have to live it. Be happy with yourself and if someone can't be happy for you, even blood relatives, sometimes you just have to let go and move on. That's a harsh but true thing to realize (as I have).

A friend posted this to Facebook today, saying she was thinking of me (and a few others as well):

Quote from: LizMarie on December 28, 2013, 12:15:16 PM
A friend posted this to Facebook today, saying she was thinking of me (and a few others as well):

There comes a time in your life when
you realize who matters, who never did,
who won't anymore, and who always
will. And in the end you learn who is
fake, who is true, and who would risk it
all for you.

^This^  So perfectly awesomely true.  You already made my day. 

I'm going through this period of realizing all of this with family and friends.  The holiday season made some people really show their true colors to me.  Some people that I expected to lose right off the bat turned out to be my biggest supporters and apparently some of my best friends actually aren't.  Actions, words, yadda yadda.  Apparently I no longer exist to my drunkle as well.

I'm getting a few procedures on my face in (hopefully) March after one year full time and 14 months on E, but they don't really qualify as FFS.  I will hopefully look more femme and pretty afterward, but I mostly am looking to appear 10 years younger.

You are not being defiant baby, just true to yourself and that is all that matters. GO GIRL! 

I'm inclined to think the parents may be right but for the wrong reason - 7 months isn't long enough to give the HRT time to reshape your face as it does.
Personally I'd go for srs first as that opens doors that may still be shut to you no matter how successful a face job you have.

If you're comfortable that HRT has done all you expect it to - and I'm ignorant about FFS issues, so I'm not judging either way! - 10 months seems perfectly reasonable. Heck, I was 100% done with transition in 11 months. It does sound as if their concerns are more that *they* aren't ready for you to move this fast, phrased as worries about you b/c sometimes that's how parents approach things.

Quote from: Jennygirl on December 28, 2013, 02:17:28 AM
I think it's a mix of what you feel comfortable with and what you think those around you (that you care about) are capable of feeling comfortable with.

Chances are if you are confident in your decision and you have done your research, then you are likely making the right decision for yourself. While I think it's important not to abandon the concerns of those that care about you, it is important to address them with the highest amount of consideration.

Make it easy on them. Maybe (if possible) instead of making it such a discussion, you do your research and then let them know when it is already set in stone. There might be a short blip of turmoil in their eyes, but your confidence and forwardness in the matter will show and that builds trust.

Sometimes it can be dangerous when there are too many cooks in the kitchen. The same goes for your own life. While it is so incredibly important to have the support of others, it is (as others have said) extremely important to do what you need to do. The key is minimizing the impact on other people.

These kinds of decisions sometimes take a lot of tact to get others that are close to you to accept.

I will use myself as an example. Every time I have done something, I haven't told anyone about it until I already made an irreversible action in that direction. I didn't come out to anyone until I had started hormones, I didn't tell my parents about my voice surgery until i'd already paid for it, and same with the FFS procedures I'm about to do.

Allowing them to suggest against what I've known I needed to do would have just complicated matters. Yes it was hard for my mom to accept that I was going to travel to South Korea to have my vocal cords operated upon, but she got over it in less than an hour. If i would have tried to earn her trust beforehand, it could have gone on for months of her trying to talk me out of it.

In the end, you just have to keep moving forward. Minimizing the impact on those you care about will be a great reward for everyone involved

I don't think it's said unenough but your a truely wise woman Jenny . I've actually been going down that direction. I'e i didn't tell them I was full time until a month after I already had been, I had already sent out my name change documents and paid the charges before they knew and I was first going to book and pay for my surgery before telling them but they found my airflight ticket bookings and I pretty much had to let loose as I'm a terrible liar. The same with my eventual SRS there is no way I would tell them before things are set in stone as I know they would be at my throat knowing I'm getting it done next year.

And thankyou everyone for your advice and support. Yes I'm thinking atm I'll wait for the hormones to move along more, granted I'm definately getting brow bossing, brow lift, mandible bone work and hair transplant as hormones won't really effect the protruding bones and won't get rid of my M hair line. SRS is my main goal for the next 1 1/2 yrs and since I still have alot of electrolysis to do it would overall be best to leave it until later on .

Love you all and again thankyou so much