Here's my story from the beginning: (male btw)

- When I was younger, I cross-dressed maybe once or twice (age 4ish)... however I never had the urge to since then
- Everything was normal etc. but when I got to puberty (I was about 13) I realised I liked guys; but I still thought I was straight (or at least, bi)
- To deal with this, sometimes I wondered whether I was born a girl and people were hiding it from me... I didn't WANT to be a girl but I felt everything would be easier that way (to some extent still do)
- Really happy with my body, wanted to be more guyish, wanted abs, hairy chest etc
- High achiever, went to a great university, currently studying chemistry-- didn't give my sexuality any thought and got with girls etc...
- Recently: last year of university... crisis, my next door neighbour is gay and being around him makes me come to terms with my sexuality (approx 1mth ago)... struggle to accept it, become a bit miserable about it
- Pretty sure I'm gay, not told ANYONE yet and still yearn for a straight life
- whilst on a different forum, read about gender identity issues, and get even more panicked that I may have such issues
- hadn't even considered possibility of having GD until I read some of the posts -- 'maybe I have this too!'
- (I do have a history of anxiety and hypochondria etc)
- Now: really worried I may be transgender... however 1) i would rather have an attractive male body than a female one 2) i currently have very mild gynecomastia and HATE it 3) i have put on some weight and have curvier hips than normal and HATE it (I know this sounds stupid, but im just thinking that I don't want a female form)
- HOWEVER: sometimes i think 'if i did become a woman, life would be easier' - it removes the anxiety i currently have... and when I see some of the posters here seem really happy, im filled with happiness but also confusion
- never really thought about cross dressing, although I did in a couple of plays at school and thought it was good fun, nothing more
- i have also never been really sporty etc, although i love 'masculine' stuff like cars, video games etc... friends at school always said i was a bit camp but nothing more... i really enjoyed the 'guy' culture
- coupled with stress of final exams and previous high performance, it really feels way too much

So I guess my questions are: does anyone identify in any way with this? Is this anxiety or something more? Sometimes I think it's coming to terms with my sexuality that is leading me to think this... is it possible that gay people can experience these issues whilst coming out?

Thanks so much. One last thing - this place seems great and it's my first post so thanks for reading 

We can't tell you whether or not you're trans, only you can work that out.  What I would say based on your post, is maybe work through your feelings about liking men before doing anything drastic such as transitioning or giving yourself the trans label.  If being gay is something new to you you might feel opposed to it, and feel that being straight but female is an easier option.  If you're not female, then it definitely isn't going to be.  Spend time getting used to liking men, let it become normal for you, and then if that doesn't give you happiness or security think about exploring different gender identities if you still think that might be the key.

I latched on to being a lesbian so hard it was almost impossible for me to see myself as a straight male when I realised I was trans.  I'd almost forgotten straight relationships were seen as the norm, and they were alien to me.  With time I adjusted to seeing myself as a straight person, and I'm now comfortable with it.  It's a backwards analogy, but that's just how it was for me.

If gender is a spectrum, perhaps you are in the middle. You wouldn't be the only one as they have their own unicorn forest to run in. Check out androgyne and see how that fits you.

Im pretty sure Im not but i keep thinking that i am ... i keep thinking 'oh it would make more sense, i am kind of feminine (not that much) and i like guys so therefore...'

i dont hate my body necessarily... also the fact that i cross-dressed when i was 4 keeps worrying me loads... and also the fact that a few times i have thought 'maybe i am a girl and my family are lying to me'... but i think this was more in the context of my homosexuality...!

i guess im asking: Is it normal to go through these things whilst coming out?

and my other question is: when you saw a woman, did you want to be like her? because i don't... so is this a sign too?

im sorry im just so anxious 

First thing is to take a deep breathe and relax! You have a LOT of questions to deal with so start one at a time. I will try to hit all your questions as best as MY experiences, which will not be exactly like yours, but may help. When I see women, yes, I am so jealous that they can be themselves without therapy, HRT, SRS and all the other stuff I will have to go through. I do not feel like cross dressing is an indicator of a transgender diagnosis. Transgender people have been known in informal studies to be extremely gifted and talented with respect to art, medicine and other talents such as these, but that does not diagnose you as transgender either. I can tell you one thing the therapist can't figure out about me. Since as far back as I can remember, in my dreams I am exclusively female. This should be impossible as dreams are collections of experiences and feelings gathered by your sub conscience on a daily basis. Being born male how can this be with me? As far as sexuality, only you can figure that out. Some people do try to use transgender to explain an attraction to the same sex and justify it. Not all, but some. When I was forced to assimilate as a male in real life I was very uneasy about relationships with women. It just never felt right, emotional or anything else. It was just something expected of me. Now I am free to chose what I want as far as relationships and once fully transitioned, or sooner if I can't help it, I expect to let myself explore relationships with men. It may sound weird, but I consider myself hetero and female. In closing, find a good therapist and be honest and open about your feelings and questions. They will be able to tell just what is going on with your situation and can provide good guidance. I can only give you my opinion and experiences that apply to me. DO NOT label or try to label yourself this soon. It will only pre conceive thoughts in your head that may not really be good for you.