I've started to wonder if I might not be a transwoman. I've spent a large amount of time since my adolescent years wishing I could be transformed into a female, and generally been more comfortable around women than men. I've ways been incredibly averse to traditionally masculine activities and attitudes.

However, I don't feel especially strong gender dysphoria. I'm not constantly upset about any part of my anatomy, and don't have to have surgery or else.  While I've been pretty seriously depressed most of my life, I think if I were transgendered, I'd have stronger dysphoria.  I'm pretty upset about balding, have always felt like I absolutely have to have long hair, and had a panic attack last time I had to cut it. I could live the rest of my life as a me and be disappointed but that's it.

I feel like I wouldn't qualify for any kind of therapy because I'm not incredibly distressed by the body I have, which leaves me feeling oddly left out, and almost wishing I had worse gender dysphoria than I do, rather than feeling lucky that I can survive with the hand I was dealt. This also feels disrespectful to all the people who do have severe dysphoria.

Can I be a transgender without having severe dysphoria? I realize only a therapist can give a diagnosis, but I really do feel left out, like I should be female but don't qualify because I don't want to not be male enough. And even if I were, I can't have the treatment because the symptoms aren't severe enough to warrant the risks. 

Yes

No one can tell you if you're transgender or not except for you.

However, being transgender means different things to different people. If you truly feel that you're a woman, then you're a woman. There are a lot of trans men and women that don't feel the need to medically transition and that doesn't make them any less transgender. You've got to decide for yourself if you're transgender and what you feel you need to do to transition, medical or not.

My advice to you would be, do a lot of soul searching and talk about what you're feeling with a qualified gender therapist.

Everyone is different. You can still be transgender and not transition. It's all about what you feel comfortable doing or not doing.
If you can live the rest of your life without having to transition then by all means don't. If you feel that you have to transition then by all means do.

I actually want to transition, but feel like I have to need to transition more than I do to justify it. Does that make any sense?

Well you probably don't have SEVERE dysphoria but you can live with some degree of it and not know what it is. I am FTM, but I believe it is the same idea anyway. For instance you can feel that your body in some way doesn't match you without the level of dysphoria that some people describe here.

But of course the short answer is yes. It is a myth that all transgender people have dysphoria (at least about their bodies).


--Jay

It makes sense, Corvid, but it may or may not be valid in your case.

My suggestion is for you to see a gender counselor <https://www.susans.org/Healthcare/Therapists_and_Counselors/>. The counselor's number one job is to help YOU decide who you are. If YOU decide that, yes, you are a male to female transsexual, then the counselor can help you with whatever transition path you choose. But don't be surprised if you change your path along the way.

My transition may offer an example.

Although I can trace my gender issues back to age 9, I was never terribly uncomfortable. Like you, I just never felt comfortable with a typical, macho male personality, despite graduating from the Naval Academy, being 20 years a naval officer, marrying and fathering four daughters. Mostly, I kept a lingerie stash and increasingly longed for a female body as I aged.

Robyn broke through at age 58. At 61, I began HRT and decided with my counselor that I would be a non-op TS, but on my 63rd birthday I had SRS. Next February, my husband and I will celebrate our 14th anniversary.

Baby steps are appropriate, Corvid, but do take that first step. Find a gender counselor and find out who you are. I'm so glad that I did.

Best wishes.

Robyn the Elder

Yes, you can. I didn't have severe dysphoria overall, and I was and am still happy I transitioned. (fair warning : dysphoria for me got worse the farther into transition I went, until I was finished. I was never suicidal or felt like my life was without meaning b/c it was so bad, but I did find that the closer I got to what I *wanted,* the more the remaining issues bothered me. However, once I was finished with transition all my dysphoria focused on my genitals; when THAT was fixed, it disappeared entirely.) I used to wonder if I was just faking it, too. The best solution I could come up with was to look at each new step and decide if I wanted that specific thing - will I be happier if I pierce my ears/go on HRT/change my name? - and try not to worry about whether I wanted or "deserved" to go farther until I'd tackled that.

If you think you'd be happier as a woman, that's ALL you need to attempt transition. Even if it turns out you don't want to check off every thing on the Official Trans Woman List [tm], it doesn't mean you were wrong or made a mistake, it means you hammered out what you need most for you personally.

Quote from: Corvid1692 on December 28, 2013, 11:51:33 AM
I feel like I wouldn't qualify for any kind of therapy because I'm not incredibly distressed by the body I have, which leaves me feeling oddly left out, and almost wishing I had worse gender dysphoria than I do, rather than feeling lucky that I can survive with the hand I was dealt.

Hon, you don't have to qualify for therapy. It's not something you do once you've already decided who you are and what you want as a way to facilitate that. Well, for some people it might be, but it's also a vehicle for you to explore all these feelings. To talk over the way you think and how you feel about yourself with someone who will listen and not pass any sort of judgement on that. If anything, I would say the reverse was true and therapy is actually a very good idea.

There are people here who didn't feel physical dysphoria and transitioned to who they are, simply because although what they had didn't feel wrong as such, what they wanted felt more right. It's not a pre-requisite.

There seems to be a spectrum at play here.  There are degrees of gender dysphoria ranging from mild to severe, likely depending on how much your brain failed to masculinize in utero.  My dysphoria was always there, but it became increasingly difficult to keep in check with age and I finally had to do something about it at age 43.  My therapist told me that it just gets worse with age and the only thing that helps is taking the correct balance of hormones for your particular needs.   

I really didn't want to transition at first and I fought my femininity tooth and nail until I felt what estrogen did for me.  I went full time a few weeks later.  What a relief it finally was.       

I have never had severe dysphoria. I have been happy and well adjusted my entire life. Though since going full-time 6 months ago, I feel much more true to myself.

I've never hated my body (though I wish it were a different shape), never felt suicidal or depressive over my gender. I knew I wished I was a woman, but I accepted that about myself.

Despite what shrinks will say, there ARE trans people who do not have dysphoria.

I thank my stars every day how lucky I am.

Quote from: Jill F on December 28, 2013, 12:55:14 PMMy therapist told me that it just gets worse with age and the only thing that helps is taking the correct balance of hormones for your particular needs.     

A BIG AMEN to that! At 46 it hit me like a ton of bricks with a dinosaur on top. Prior to that I thought it was going to be manageable for my whole life. Repression and not wanting to face it only increases it (in my opinion).

Totally normal, and yes you can be trans without hating your body. I don't have strong dysphoria and I know I'm a guy. My discomfort comes more from the fact that while I'm pretty secure in my masculinity and self-image, other people still see a girl. So there's an external and internal aspect to it. As for age, if it helps I'm 24 and by no means an expert.

Quote from: suzifrommd on December 28, 2013, 01:52:10 PM
I have never had severe dysphoria. I have been happy and well adjusted my entire life. Though since going full-time 6 months ago, I feel much more true to myself.

I've never hated my body (though I wish it were a different shape), never felt suicidal or depressive over my gender. I knew I wished I was a woman, but I accepted that about myself.

Despite what shrinks will say, there ARE trans people who do not have dysphoria.

I thank my stars every day how lucky I am.

Like Suzi, I have never had sever dysphoria either, nor have I hated my body, but I do recall reading a article in a tabloid when I was 14 years old about this kid who was using a public urinal, and some guy grabbed him and cut off his genitals and he had a vagina surgically done as a replacement. I felt so jealous of him. 'Cos I wanted one as well.  But I do find that I am constantly depressed but not suicidal.

I feel that my dysphoria is such that I'm not pining to become a woman.  I've been on low-dose HRT for nearly 7 months now and I feel fairly in-check.  Interestingly enough, I've had no urge to dress or appear in fem.  In fact, I've had no urges of any variety.  It seems that I have hit a plateau at this juncture. 

Quote from: Corvid1692 on December 28, 2013, 11:51:33 AM
I've started to wonder if I might not be a transwoman. I've spent a large amount of time since my adolescent years wishing I could be transformed into a female, and generally been more comfortable around women than men. I've ways been incredibly averse to traditionally masculine activities and attitudes.

However, I don't feel especially strong gender dysphoria. I'm not constantly upset about any part of my anatomy, and don't have to have surgery or else.  While I've been pretty seriously depressed most of my life, I think if I were transgendered, I'd have stronger dysphoria.  I'm pretty upset about balding, have always felt like I absolutely have to have long hair, and had a panic attack last time I had to cut it. I could live the rest of my life as a me and be disappointed but that's it.

I feel like I wouldn't qualify for any kind of therapy because I'm not incredibly distressed by the body I have, which leaves me feeling oddly left out, and almost wishing I had worse gender dysphoria than I do, rather than feeling lucky that I can survive with the hand I was dealt. This also feels disrespectful to all the people who do have severe dysphoria.

Can I be a transgender without having severe dysphoria? I realize only a therapist can give a diagnosis, but I really do feel left out, like I should be female but don't qualify because I don't want to not be male enough. And even if I were, I can't have the treatment because the symptoms aren't severe enough to warrant the risks.

Just to clarify, are you saying that you have absolutely no dysphoria (as the thread title suggests) or do you experience some dysphoria? I ask because at one point you say that you wish you had "worse gender dysphoria than I do", which seems to suggest, contrary to your thread title, that you do in fact suffer from some level of dysphoria.

Your question touches on something that I've wondered for a while, which is: Can someone have strong fantasies about being the opposite gender without being transgendered?

Now, I want to stress that I'm not making any claims about your gender status. But I have to ask myself whether the following traits that you list always constitute gender dysphoria:

• Adolescent desire (fantasy?) to be female
• Averse to traditional male activities and attitudes
• Depression
• Balding anxiety

I ask this, because I have a couple of well-adjusted male friends who have all of the above traits and do not identify as trans in any way.

Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 28, 2013, 02:14:24 PM
I do recall reading a article in a tabloid when I was 14 years old about this kid who was using a public urinal, and some guy grabbed him and cut off his genitals and he had a vagina surgically done as a replacement.

The stuff they make up to sell newspapers.

If you're a teenager or in your early 20's dysphoria can get worse as you age.

Quote from: Jenna Stannis on December 28, 2013, 02:42:02 PM
Just to clarify, are you saying that you have absolutely no dysphoria (as the thread title suggests) or do you experience some dysphoria? I ask because at one point you say that you wish you had "worse gender dysphoria than I do", which seems to suggest, contrary to your thread title, that you do in fact suffer from some level of dysphoria.

Your question touches on something that I've wondered for a while, which is: Can someone have strong fantasies about being the opposite gender without being transgendered?

Now, I want to stress that I'm not making any claims about your gender status. But I have to ask myself whether the following traits that you list always constitute gender dysphoria:

• Adolescent desire (fantasy?) to be female
• Averse to traditional male activities and attitudes
• Depression
• Balding anxiety

I ask this, because I have a couple of well-adjusted male friends who have all of the above traits and do not identify as trans in any way.

You're absolutely right, and I've thought about the same thing. Actually, many diagnosis are made up of characteristics and behaviors that can exist outside of individuals for whom that diagnosis is appropriate. I feel that I have real mild dysphoria, that's not tied to any specific part of my body, but is more of a generalized but strong sense of wrongness. And the wishing I was female started as an adolescent, but had continued into my early 30s. I am often an jealous of people around me just because they won a coin flip that made them female. And the balding fear is tied to how iconically male baldness is, even though many cis females also deal with baldness.

And to clarify, when I talked about qualifying for therapy, I meant hrt, rather than just therapy in general. I actually am seizing a therapist for depression and suicidal ideation, which is going well. I've mentioned suspecting I wasn't cis gendered, and they seemed understanding, but we haven't focused on it. They also aren't gender identity specialists, and I'm not sure if have many options with out money or insurance.

Also, thanks for everyone's responses!

IMO people can certainly consider themselves transgender with any level of dysphoria.  We get to share others experience here and we have posts from folks who have little to no genital dysphoria and others ready to do home surgery.  For some its our anatomy, who we see in the mirror and for me a tortured internal dialogue that lasted too long.  I'm not a therapist but like many here have talked to a few and transgender seems a phenomena that we have no objective tests for.  It's your truth that counts.  I discounted being trans for years partly on the basis of my ability to hide and cope with a secret.

We also have no test to quantify the ability or, disability if you like, about our personal capacity to cope with our dysphoria.   I had an uncomfortable interaction with another transgender woman last night who I felt discounted my presentation and everything about me saying repeatedly "you are a guy to me."  She seemed to consider my late in life transition as proof i was not a woman or transgender enough to qualify for her respect.  Sigh, such a limited view.

Some have an elitist perspective that suggests their dysphoria was so bad that they had to do or die at a young age and had to go all the way to surgery to be a woman while you others are just playing on the margins and not really transgender, transsexual or real women or men.  Coping and other adaptations to the distress of dysphoria is not a reliable guide to who we are IMO.

Real life also has no moderators to soften the rhetoric of the insular and exclusive club members.  It takes a thick skin some days eh?