This has been a very big contention with my mom. I've been living in one place for the past 22 years and between a family owned business and church, everybody knows me. My mom tells me that with as much makeup as I put on my face, people are still going to recognize me. To be honest that was never really my intention to fool anyone. I just want to be able to dress and be more feminine and stop hiding behind the facade of a man, which I'm not comfortable with. Is there anyone else that feels this way that passing isn't the be all end all thing and all you want to be able to do is to be able to dress in the right kind of clothes and be able to present yourself for who you really are.

I started out that way. After a while, I needed more. More people accepted me than some doomsayers thought. That helped change their minds. Go live your life, your mother will follow or she won't but soon enough she will be the one people question.

While it is nice to pass, it's not the be-all and end-all to me. If I am being myself, dressing how I want (even if its more feminine than masculine), and I am happy, then that's all I need.

At least for now, like LordKat said, maybe I'll change in a few years.

Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 29, 2013, 08:03:36 PM
To be honest that was never really my intention to fool anyone. I just want to be able to dress and act more feminine and stop hiding behind the facade of a man, which I'm not comfortable with. 

Being yourself isn't fooling anyone, pretending to be a man is.

Most days I feel like a pretty feminine guy, but I am okay with that. I feel like the more I pretend to be some young black guy who doesn't care about much, I hurt myself. I have come to realize that I am not being myself when I do that. If being myself means that I dress in a tight pink dress shirt with tight pants, then I try to make myself do it. I feel like we force labels on ourselves too much. I also feel like we feel like we have something to prove a lot of the time. For example, I always do nice things because I feel like I have to prove that I am a good person and not an "abomination". I like to move my hands when I talk and snap my fingers and make poses. I don't feel like that makes me any less of a guy. Be yourself!  That's the whole reason we start transitioning: To be who we see ourselves as.
Walk your path
(sorry got way off topic)

Quote from: LearnedHand on December 29, 2013, 09:20:43 PM
While it is nice to pass, it's not the be-all and end-all to me. If I am being myself, dressing how I want (even if its more feminine than masculine), and I am happy, then that's all I need.

At least for now, like LordKat said, maybe I'll change in a few years.

Being yourself isn't fooling anyone, pretending to be a man is.

Very good points. Especially about being myself isn't fooling anyone, pretending to be a man is. I tried to tell my mom that, but she countered me by telling me that all that she sees is a good looking young man in front of her, she doesn't see any woman. Then she went into how she brought a son into the world, and I corrected her and told her that she brought a child into the world. I really think she's in denial, or that she doesn't want to accept it. And she keeps calling me selfish.

These are my mom's conditions:

1)
We're giving you the privelege of staying in our home on the following conditions:
a) You will not allow us to see you dressed in female clothes. If you have the need to dress in female clothes, you'll do so in the privacy of your room. This does not mean that we accept what you're doing, but in consideration of whatever your feelings are, we're making this compromise. This also does not mean that we're agreeable to you going out freely elsewhere dressed in fremale clothes.

b) You will not go out dressed in female clothes anywhere in Port Charlotte. (I said to her then what do you do? She replied that she's a woman, and I said and so am I, and she told me that no I'm not, and we got into an argument over that.) You are very well known here through Harper's (family business) and the church and having lived here for the past 22 years. You are not and will not be passable as anyone other than XXXX to anyone who has KNOWN you over these years. To them you're XXXX dressed in female clothes, and the fact that they do not acknowledge you does not mean that you're passable. Your family has lived in Port Charlotte for the past 22 years and you should have more respect for us, especially your elerly parents, who have to continue to operate a business here and need the respect and support from the community. (This business has helped to support you over the years and is still providing a shelter for you.)

c) We will continue to give you small jobs at Harper's, but at no time will you show up in female clothes. (This was brought on because I asked her if by chance when I go full time if I could still work for her as Gina.)

d) If we hear from anyone that you've been seen around Port Charlotte, especially Edgewater Church, either you will have to leave Port Charlotte and be on your own, or we'll leave and go to Texas with Tracy and Samantha (my sister and my niece.) Our church means a great deal to us, and is the one thing keeping us here. If we can't feel comfortable with it, then we have nothing to stay here for.

We love you very much, but you'll never be anything to us other than XXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX. We will not deviate from our decisions and if you're unable to comply with them, we'll have parting of the ways.

Hope they like Texas.

Texas sounds good for them.

To be honest reading that one thing comes through. THEY are frightened, and why? Because their daughter had a birth defect? Because they have a daughter? Because THEY cannot accept?

YOU are the one facing the changes and you are willing to take them and they are frightened!! Not for YOU but for themselves.

That is called being selfish, inconsiderate and imbecilic.

If you have not been to Texas it is great!! Lots of open space and historic sights to see. If you leave Florida, one day in the future "Remember the Alamo" will have a whole new meaning for your family, because they will miss you. Huggles !

Quote from: LordKAT on December 30, 2013, 02:09:23 AM
Hope they like Texas.

They've been there a few times for vacationing, but that's only been a few weeks each time. I've never had the pleasure. But I'm sure living there will be something different.

Quote from: Cindy on December 30, 2013, 02:17:46 AM
Texas sounds good for them.

To be honest reading that one thing comes through. THEY are frightened, and why? Because their daughter had a birth defect? Because they have a daughter? Because THEY cannot accept?

YOU are the one facing the changes and you are willing to take them and they are frightened!! Not for YOU but for themselves.

That is called being selfish, inconsiderate and imbecilic.

Y'know Cindy, I wish there was a way that I could prove that I was a transgender before my accident and that due to the brain trauma it just brought things more to the front instead of what my mom believes and that it's caused because of damage to my frontal lobe. I know as a pathologist it's a bit out of your league though. So I'll have to do my own research.

You need to walk away from them,right now.they're trying to run your life the way they want to,I'd have left long ago

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on December 30, 2013, 02:29:56 AM
If you have not been to Texas it is great!! Lots of open space and historic sights to see. If you leave Florida, one day in the future "Remember the Alamo" will have a whole new meaning for your family, because they will miss you. Huggles !

Unfortunately Jessica, the day that my mom puts the house on the market and sells the business because of me, I really doubt that I'll even be on her mind. Like she's said in her conditions, we would have parted ways, and I think she's very serious about it. She's not a very open minded person and she isn't even willing on giving it a chance. If I have Susan's Place open on my computer and if I have myself on the screen which you really can't even tell it's me because the picture is so small, she tells me to close it down, because she doesn't want anything to do with it. Just like Cindy said, that's being  selfish, inconsiderate and imbecilic.

Quote from: big kim on December 30, 2013, 05:49:12 AM
You need to walk away from them, right now.they're trying to run your life the way they want to, I'd have left long ago

Believe me Kim, I'm getting things together right now, and I'm making plans. I don't need to be controlled like this.

you only see people reading you if you are reading them so just go about your business dressed and madeup as you like and ignore any obvious stares and life will get very much nicer...and a lot of the starers may be jealous of your ability to use makeup anytime you step outdoors.

That's good,please let us know how you get on.I hope it all goes well for you

Quote from: big kim on December 30, 2013, 06:11:01 AM
That's good,please let us know how you get on.I hope it all goes well for you

I've got two appointments this month that I'd like to keep. The second I'm not all that anxious about, since it's with this psychiatrist recommended by my mom's therapist. 

I can stay at this one motel for $58.00 a night for maybe once or twice a week  and I'll sleep in my car the rest of the week (never really needed much sleep.) At least I'll have money with me, just a matter of stretching it. Thanks for your concern Kim 

Your story reminds of of one of my friends from college. I feel sorta similar to you in that every time I bring up something about me being transgender my mom will say that it doesn't make sense and that I need to stop listening to this demon that is "inside of me". For so long, I NEEDED her to accept me and I finally (as of like last week) got over it. I don't need her approval. I think that your parents and my mom are just one of those people who are unable to understand something that they have never experienced. Honestly, I would just go to Texas or something.
I guess I am waiting for the day when it finally clicks in her brain and she comes crying for my forgiveness, but I know it's just a dream. Otherwise, I would have just gone to the Northeast and never come back.

Quote from: Caleb18 on December 30, 2013, 10:13:16 AM
Your story reminds of of one of my friends from college. I feel sorta similar to you in that every time I bring up something about me being transgender my mom will say that it doesn't make sense and that I need to stop listening to this demon that is "inside of me". For so long, I NEEDED her to accept me and I finally (as of like last week) got over it. I don't need her approval. I think that your parents and my mom are just one of those people who are unable to understand something that they have never experienced. Honestly, I would just go to Texas or something.
I guess I am waiting for the day when it finally clicks in her brain and she comes crying for my forgiveness, but I know it's just a dream. Otherwise, I would have just gone to the Northeast and never come back.

Hey Caleb, your mom must have been born around the same time my mom was born . . . in the dark ages! LOL!

But seriously, I appreciate your thoughts and I can relate very well to you. My mom thinks that I should just transition and stay in my room for the rest of my life becasue everyone is going to know me. She doesn't realize that I don't care.

The time I went to church, the lady that was taking me around for a tour of the church stopped and introduced me to a lady that I've known for years. She looked at me and said, "Don't I know you?" I told her that I didn't think so, since this was my first time there. She still looked at me, and she asked me again if I was sure. And again I told her that I've never met her before, and we went our seperate ways. That's the way that I'd be handling it from now on with anyone that I met. They may think that they know me, but they won't because I am Gina Taylor {period} But the last thing I need is her approval, and if she wants to move to Texas, it's fine by me. With todays market, it'll just take her a long time to sell either the house or the business. And she called me 'stupid' when I asked her if she was just gonna leave immediately or was she gonna sell the house and the business first. And to think that this is all because I went to church dressed as a woman.

I've spent a lot of hours thinking about a solution for my problem, and the only reasonable solution I could come up with is for my mom to just give me the money that she's saved for my citizenship test and I'll disappear which means that she won't have to sell the house or the business or have to worry about me showing up at the church as Gina and I can do all of this come the 22nd of January after all my appointments are complete, and I'll get her to sign an agreement that she'll deposit a certian amount of money into my account monthly. It's probably the best way to resolve the problem.