Susan's forum has allowed me to explore gender issues in a non-threatening environment.  It has allowed me to face issues that so threaten my identity that I can not share them with my wife, family, friends, doctors and even me.  That is correct even me.

We come here and share our pains and successes.  It can be a very lonely condition.  If you do nothing you can suffer alone in your mind.  If you do something drastic you can end up alone in your life or even worse.

We share pages of our life that may have been closed in our minds for decades.  It can be a way to start healing our wounds, or if you choose, it can be a way for you to justify less noble endeavors.

To make matters more complicated gender issues tend to have some familiar companions.  Many live with depression, anxiety, insomnia, ADD, manic issues, bipolar, paranoia, mood swings, personality disorders, RLS and other things.  Some drink alcohol and/or do drugs. (By the way I do not do drugs.)  If someone has cancer you console them.  If someone has gender issues you isolate them.

The longer you stay on the forum the more you will learn that each issue has many answers.  The interesting thing is that the correct answer for one person might be the incorrect answer for another person.  I am sure that with any single post I gave someone the "correct" answer and inadvertently gave someone the "wrong" answer.  The beauty of the whole process is that we are thinking.  Instead of running we are confronting an issue.  By the way I do change my opinions.

Sometimes the simple conclusions have been profound to me.  I have concluded that if we average the attributes of the people on this forum, we have the average attributes of the general population.  I find myself saying maybe I am this because I have this attribute but I can not be that because I lack another attribute.  Hey you are lucky if you have an attribute associated with your targeted gender.  However that is the extent of the correlation.  Some are tall. Some are short.  Some are hairy apes and some are naked dogs.  (Do you want mustard with that naked dog?)

Sometimes we even get to laugh or have fun on this forum.  It sure is nice to laugh.  It is part of the healing process if you can laugh at yourself.

I have found the secret of what you need to do.  You need to do what is right for you.  That is the absolute beauty of this forum.  The decision is your decision.

We are unique.  I tend to be too sensitive and I cried at my wedding but I also am stubborn.  I can cook a meal or fix the car.  I got paid to make good decisions.  However, when it comes to gender issues, I have absolutely no common sense.

I thank Susan, her staff and the many fine people that help each other.  It is nice to know you are not alone with this stuff.   I know I am not male in my mind and I know I am happier with the progress on this single issue.  (I hate admitting that.)  However I am not happy at giving up everything else.  I am not sure what path I will follow.  I keep saying that I will stop but at the same time I keep feeding more things to "the stuff". (It's not the right stuff either.)

A few days ago as I lay in bed dealing with insomnia, the Lord shared a vision with me.  The Lord came to me and gave me a choice.  The Lord said you keep asking me to wave a wand and allow you to start life again.  The Lord said I have the power to make you a nice xx that people will befriend but your memory will be erased.  I assure you your wife will find someone, be much happier and live in splendor. Granting this wish will not upset the balance of nature and you also will be much happier.  However before  I grant you that wish you are allowed one question.  I then asked the Lord what would be of my children?  The Lord told me they would not exist.  I told the Lord then you were right to spare me decades ago when I begged you to take me home and let me be here today.  I then asked the Lord what should I do today?  And the Lord told me that was my decision alone just as it always has been.

Four year ago I went on the internet and asked a MTF what were her thoughts regarding transition. She said avoid transition if you can because it is extremely painful.  I interpreted that to mean I have never been able to tolerate the pain of all the mega doses of e I took in prior failures.  I reasoned if I can tolerate more pain then I would be successful.  I then added a host of anti-T and anti-T2 things.  After an extremely long period of being tired I started feeling better.

I finally got to eat from the tree of life.  Things were finally clear.  And then the message from the MTF registered.  She was not talking about physical pain.  She was talking about mental pain.

Somewhere I knew all along.  But now I understand pain.  Now I understand what it means to be willing to give up everything.  I will try to make the best decision given all the facts.

I love you all.  Please share things that opened your eyes on this forum.

W.

I come to this website to share my personal experiences and struggles with GID. Although I haven't completed GRS, I have conquered many obstacles in the past several years. It wasn't until recently that I was finally confident in myself to reach out to others and let them know that they can get past these hard times as well.

Aside from the diversity of opinions we may face sometimes & the given group dynamics , I think that overall this site provides outstanding support to a great number of people who otherwise wouldn't have a safe place to be who they are in the outside world.  Thank you kindly for all the time & hard work that Susan and her staff donate to the community.

Very simply, Susan's gave me my life.  At the time I first came here I was struggling between living and dying.  I had acknowledged to myself that I was transgendered, but that scared the hell out of me.  It was here that I learned that it was ok to be who I am.  And here is where I struggled through the question of whether I was CD or TS, and through the decision of whether and when to transition.  And Susan's gave me two other very important things: a voice and a name.  I would never have become my true self without the people here.

Put it this way...

Back in early 2006, I was miserable, suicidal, living entirely as a male... my soul just shriveling up and dying inside. My hope was flickering out.

I joined the forum and found support and hope from this beautiful group of people.

Now, a year and a half later, I'm living as a woman in every aspect of my life. My life has become rich, sensual, beautiful and tragic. The epitome of bittersweet, which is my favorite taste of all.

But most of all, I'm finally ALIVE. I'm *living* my life, not pondering about it, or what it could be someday.

So yes, as Lisbeth so eloquently put it, Susan's literally gave me my life.

~Kate~

While I wasn't posting at the time, reading Susan's helped me gather the courage to come out to my friends and family.  Without this forum I would most likely still be alone and very depressed. 

It is kind of nice reading these positive posts, we need more of that.

Sarah L.

We come from diverse backgrounds, infinite identities, thousands of opinions, and a multitude of flavors.

I came here not as my first discovery of my transgender, rather more of during a period of exploring after acceptance, but interested in meeting others.

I had never joined nor participated in any message board nor chat or anything like that. I was a bit weary of even trying.  I wasnt sure if I had anything interesting to say or write about.

Many times its very hard for me to write. But I know that even forcing myself to write, to open up in any way is helpful. Facing my fear and inability to write, meeting others, and my gender challenges at once.

I am thankful for the others here that inspire myself, through their writings.

I really needed to connect with others people who were like me. When I came here I had already been full time almost two years. I had already slayed most of my demons. I am not sure why it is so comforting to be around others who are like oneself, but I presume it is part of the way humans socialize. Finding out that not only was I not unique, but actually a stereotype, has been the most interesting part.

In a nutshell, I am comforted being with others that are like me. I feel a bond with all of you, even if you don't feel it with me. So thanks for coming here and sharing your lives with me. I really do appreciate it.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Susan's place gives me strength when I need the most and some beautiful friendships. It has given me people to talk to about my problems instead of it been botttled up inside. It has help me in so many ways.

Alice

Hi Wendy,

   Nice sentiments and very well put.

   When I came to Susan's Place, I had only recently discovered my transgendered nature. I had no one to relate to in real life. I had tried several other sites, but they seemed gimmicky or else fashion oriented.
   At the time, a year and a half ago, I was in a place that seemed to mirror Kate's. It was odd because I thought we were going the same way, but it turned out that my nature is different and I was not in need of transition as we tend to think of it.  I was, instead, going through a transition within rather than on the outside of myself.  Kate has become a woman and I have become an androgyne.
   During this time, the people here answered my questions and helped me to work through a process that might have taken a lot longer than it has.  At this point, I am feeling good about who I am because of the opportunity that Susan's Place has provided for me.
   
   I also have an opportunity to return the favor that was done me here by trying to help others when I believe I have something to offer.

   These days, I poke around the forums that are not specifically gender oriented because I like the way we can discuss so many ideas.  I also love to make people laugh and sometimes, when I think I see that opportunity, I go for it.

   I have friends here who have given me more than I ever thought I'd ever get out of life.  Sometimes when I'm roaming around in the world, I am recalling ideas and conversations that I have picked up here.  So, I carry my visits here with me even when I'm away from my computer.


Love,

Rebis

Susans Place feels like a second family with alot of diffrent personalitlies. Its supportive and I love to hear/read what people are going through and what there experiances have been. Its made me feel that I am not alone there are other people like me which helps me more than most people can understand.

I found Susan's shortly after my "epiphany" in July of 2005 but because I only had a computer at work, lurked until December.

I lurked because I found stories that matched mine and kindness from the members that were active then.  I continue to come here because of the good writers, the wonderful support and the joy of relating to others in the persona that I've had to repress for so many decades.

*Emelye hangs her head and kicks the dirt...

Aww, I just love you guys!

hugs & smiles
Emelye

For me Susan's has provided me a means to find my true self. It also has givin me a safe haven to express my feminine self without being judged or chastised or put down. The many kind folks I have found here are the nicest I have found anywhere. Though I dont post often I do read most of what's here and have gleened  a lot of information. Without this site I think I might not even be here. I don't know where I would be. It keeps me sane. I do suffer with depression, but this site makes it bearable. I found Susan's after coming home from work one day and googling for sex change. I am glad I found Susan's and plan to stay for some time to come. It's good to find others I can relate to.


Linda Ann