Ok, so my in laws and I finally had it out. My wife, son and I went down to visit and do our Christmas this past weekend. Saturday night, I went to bed early, only to be awoken by someone stomping down the stairs to the basement (where my family sleeps). I sit up and it's my wife, crying, with her mom right behind her carrying my 9 month old son.

Apparently something was said about me, and my wife had had enough. She told me to pack the car (mind you it's 11:30 at night) so we could go home. As I did that, my father in law (who had been drinking a bit, but not too much) tells me from another room that I'm "really tearing this family apart." I ignored him and continued packing the car. Well, just as we're almost done packing, my mother in law tells me they want to talk, and how it isn't fair that I talked to my parents but not them.

Well, I really didn't feel I was the one that needed to start talking, as I didn't know where they stood with everything, but whatever. My wife and father in law did some yelling, I tried to keep a level head and ignore some of the comments and name calling. My FIL said about how, as a father, he grew up thinking his daughter would marry and have a normal family with a husband and kids, and I was ruining that dream.

My MIL was fairly level headed, and eventually my sister in law came out of her room and yelled at me for not being a man about the situation (... yeah, didn't even go there). Eventually, my wife shot a comment at her, and she disappeared into her room, crying herself to sleep.

Now, my MIL and FIL claim they did their research fully, and said that they don't understand how my wife and I will remain married, as there are no cases ever of transgender marriages staying together (did your research eh? I know of at least a half dozen that did). Then, my MIL told me they spoke to a transwoman up at their campsite in NY (which I thought was a lie the first time I heard it, but I guess it wasn't). She told them that apparently I'm supposed to go to a regular therapist first, to deal with other issues I have, because I might think I'm transgender but I'm actually not, and then I need to report back to her what the therapist said.

My wife and I are also supposed to go to a marriage counselor, because we haven't discussed everything (according to her), and we have issues in our marriage and need to take care of that too.

I know I don't need to do this necessarily. I know what I am, and I have never been depressed because of being transgender, or had any other issues other than a near suicide attempt shortly after I came out. So, do I really need to jump through these stupid hoops? I've never heard anyone say you HAD to go to a regular therapist before doing transition therapy. I believe the woman was probably talking about the required sessions before you can take hormones.

Any thoughts?

I think your wife's parents are out of line telling you what you need to do in YOUR transition. Only you know what path is right. Go to whatever psychologist that you want, gender specific or not. Either way, it'll be your decision, not theirs. They have no authority to control you.

I agree with Willow, they have no right to tell you what you need to do. and a gender therapist does check for underlying phsych issues, or should. as for a merrage counceler, alot of marrigas can benifit from one from time to time. and there "research" is way off. I have been with my fiancee since before i cam out, started hormones november and are getting married in march. have we had our issues, yes, but we have worked throught them

A gender therapist is a regular therapists with extra training, not less than any other. The purpose isn't to steer you into transition but to guide you to where you will be best suited to be happy and successful.

Well I do have a few sessions free with.my insurance. Maybe it'd be better to just do them to make them happy. I just haven't heard from anyone else about needing to do regular therapy to do transition therapy.

It isn't regular therapy in order to do therapy. It is all the same. The issue is that not all therapists know about or understand gender issues. The reason for a 'gender therapist' is to make sure you find one who does know how to deal with it. You can go to any licensed therapist for gender therapy.

Thats what i thought KAT, i just didnt know for sure and didnt want to give false info.

I do the same, Sheala.

I just hate to give info on anything that i am not near 100% sure is acurate. i know i have ben wrong plenty enough. but if i can prevent it i like to.

None of us are perfect, we do what we can and try not to cause damage.

isnt that the truth.