Having made the decision to transition I wanted to usher in the new year as the real me, rather than the shell of a boy I've been fronting for 32 years. I made it my goal for the week to come out to just one person. A friend I recently made, who I suspected already suspected me, and in any case, I was sure would be 100% fine with it. Still. Wasn't easy to tell her. But, she picked up enough from my nervous babbling that she stopped me and said "Yay! I have a new sister that isn't a total bitch! Girl, come on over to my house and let me do your nails!" That was thoroughly awesome. She outed me her her husband, which I wasn't quite ready for, but that turned out okay as well. Her children on the other hand... She has three, ages 2, 4, and 8. The two year old obviously doesn't care. The 4 year old thinks its weird. But she thinks everything is weird, and I suspect as I move along in transition she'll just accept it in stride. The 8 year old, however... Well. After two days of her mom referring to me as "she", she finally caught on, and was like "wait. Mom keeps calling you she, but you're a he. Both of you are being weird." I had no idea how to explain it to her. Her mom tried, and failed. She firmly thinks I'm weird. Not that I'm broken up about it. But, I am worried about the fact that kids have no filter. I can very easily picture her outing me to MANY people that I personally wouldn't care to discuss the matter with. Sigh...

But, emboldened by the success I decided to come out to a handful of other people who's reactions I couldn't predict nearly as well. Thankfully once the awkwardness and confusion passed, all were supportive. The different reactions I've gotten have been funny. One person acted like I just won a game show. Another simply said "I can't imagine that was easy to say. What pronoun and name should I refer to you as going forward?" And the rest basically just said "Didn't see that coming. But, we're cool..." and jumped right back into talking to me like they always have. But. All have been positive. Kinda makes me regret that I was too much of a coward to do this 15 years ago.

But then again, these people have had 15 years to mature. Who knows if I would've gotten the same reactions then... And, of all the things to regret I'm not going to dwell on this. I'm finally moving forward, so I need to look forward.

Sadly, I've also had a failure. Not in coming out to a friend, thankfully. But, yesterday I went to work wearing nail polish. I was otherwise totally presenting as a man. It's not the first time I've worn nail polish at work. Hell, I've on more than one occasion done all kinds of "girly" things at work over the years. And no one ever had anything negative to say. Mostly people just took it in stride and moved on with their day. But, it's the first time I've done it at this job. And ->-bleeped-<- HIT THE FAN.

Over nail polish.

Looks like I wont be transitioning at this job. So, in addition to starting off 2014 transitioning into me, I'll be looking for a new job... I wasn't fired or anything. In fact, there's a company anti discrimination policy that includes transgender in it, so officially I could probably go down to HR and complain about my coworkers. But, what does that serve? It wont make me any more accepted if I do that. And this is the lowest paying job I've ever had, and I only took it because I had just moved here and needed an income asap to be able to continue to eat food. So, nuts to 'em.

But still. That is the downside to having moved from the San Francisco Bay Area to the birthplace of the KKK. The tolerance level dropped significantly. The only plus is this is a college town, and college kids in general tend to be fairly liberal. So even around town I'll find acceptance for who I am. But, apparently, that does not include everyone.

Congrats on the success in coming out to your friends. I guess the thing is you never know how they'll react until you tell them.

As regards your work, the difference is that you were still presenting as male but doing something that is almost universally regarded as female. You didn't say what kind of workplace it is, the male:female ratio or how the poop hit the fan, but if they don't know you are trans* then the reaction was most likely homophobic rather than transphobic. At any rate, I guess it is a good indicator of how your transition would be treated there - but as you say, there is a non-discrimination policy, it'll be an opportunity for therm to put it into action when you do come out at work should you decide to stay.

Quote from: Ms Grace on January 02, 2014, 11:59:33 AM
Congrats on the success in coming out to your friends. I guess the thing is you never know how they'll react until you tell them.

As regards your work, the difference is that you were still presenting as male but doing something that is almost universally regarded as female. You didn't say what kind of workplace it is, the male:female ratio or how the poop hit the fan, but if they don't know you are trans* then the reaction was most likely homophobic rather than transphobic. At any rate, I guess it is a good indicator of how your transition would be treated there - but as you say, there is a non-discrimination policy, it'll be an opportunity for therm to put it into action when you do come out at work should you decide to stay.

That is an interesting thought that I hadn't considered. In the previous jobs where I had done "girly" things I was working in the animal welfare industry (so, employees who tend to be compassionate people) and generally I was the only, or one of the few, men on staff. The industry also sports a large population of lesbians. So, that's probably a great deal of the explanation as to why no one batted an eye about me doing things like having painted nails, or putting my hair up with a very girly looking hair clip, etc.

The current job is working in the automotive department of a worldwide retail chain (I don't want to say which one, but there's one in every city on earth pretty much). There are no women there. Period.

I don't want to talk about how the poop hit the fan. It wasn't pleasant. But lets just put it this way... The last thing the coworker who did the poop flinging said before noticing my nails is "... if that ->-bleeped-<- in the whitehouse tries to take my AR15 I swear to God I'll stop him!" Like I said, this place was the birthplace of the KKK. And although that was my very first interaction with that level of intolerance in my entire life, I am aware that it still exists. Thankfully it's a free country, and although he's free to spout off his intolerant bull->-bleeped-<-, I am free to not associate with him. He, however, is sadly not alone here. So, taking it to my employer is probably not going to accomplish much. However if that behavior becomes ongoing I absolutely will.

But, I do miss working with animals. Its what I want to do and have done for over a decade. There were just no available jobs in that industry when I moved here. So fingers crossed that jobs start opening up soon.

Quote from: missadventure on January 02, 2014, 12:14:46 PM
The current job is working in the automotive department of a worldwide retail chain (I don't want to say which one, but there's one in every city on earth pretty much). There are no women there. Period.

Yup, there's your problem.  I think, anyway... Ms Grace seems to have nailed it.  Living/working in an area like that (though thankfully with professionals) I would likely get the same reaction if I were presenting male with nail polish or pretty jewelry.  I can bend the lines a *bit* (sometimes I can't help it, the more I strip away my mask at home/away from work, the more it is difficult for it to fit properly at work), walking and gesturing in a more feminine way, relaxing to let my voice be a bit higher/softer, and the occasional hand gesture, but much beyond that I find myself getting strange looks and the distinct impression I should avoid being alone outside the building.

Quote from: missadventure on January 02, 2014, 12:14:46 PM
I don't want to talk about how the poop hit the fan. It wasn't pleasant. But lets just put it this way... The last thing the coworker who did the poop flinging said before noticing my nails is "... if that ->-bleeped-<- in the whitehouse tries to take my AR15 I swear to God I'll stop him!" Like I said, this place was the birthplace of the KKK. And although that was my very first interaction with that level of intolerance in my entire life, I am aware that it still exists. Thankfully it's a free country, and although he's free to spout off his intolerant bull->-bleeped-<-, I am free to not associate with him. He, however, is sadly not alone here. So, taking it to my employer is probably not going to accomplish much. However if that behavior becomes ongoing I absolutely will.

...this is why I won't be transitioning at my job, either... but on the plus side a recruiter called me yesterday with an opening, and when I told him I was transitioning he was still very keen.

*hug*  You'll get there, sis!  (PS-love the name!)

Quote from: Robin Mack on January 03, 2014, 02:22:10 PM
sometimes I can't help it, the more I strip away my mask at home/away from work, the more it is difficult for it to fit properly at work

I'm finding this to be the case for me as well. Thankfully the coworker in question hasn't been there since that day, and the others, although I can't imagine they'd "approve", still respect me enough as a person to keep their opinions to themselves. Today I made an announcement over the PA system, and without realizing it I did it all in my "girl voice". One of my coworkers rushed over and said "Oh, it was just you messing around. I thought some new chick was working here and I was gonna check her out." Outwardly I laughed. Inwardly I smiled for the next two hours. Little does he know my "girl voice" causes some neurosis in me because I think I sound ridiculous, and he inadvertently complemented me on it  Small pleasures... Still. I need to, as sad as it is, be more on guard about such slip-ups.

Quote from: Robin Mack on January 03, 2014, 02:22:10 PM
I find myself getting strange looks and the distinct impression I should avoid being alone outside the building....

Prior to that day I actually parked as far away from the building as I could. I have flabby thighs and a muffin top to work off, and I've been using any opportunity I can to work them off. Since that day I've been parking as close to the building as I can in as well lit a parking space as I can find. ->-bleeped-<-ty that in less than a week from me telling other living humans about this side of me for the first time ever I find myself feeling the need to do that. If I was a weaker person I might be tempted to march right back into the closet. But, thankfully I'm finally, for the first time in my life, stronger than that. Strength which is bolstered by the fact that of the dozen people I've told so far every single one of them has been supportive. Confused and somewhat blindsided by the revelation, sure, but supportive nonetheless.

Quote from: Robin Mack on January 03, 2014, 02:22:10 PM
but on the plus side a recruiter called me yesterday with an opening, and when I told him I was transitioning he was still very keen.

That's so awesome! Congrats!

Quote from: Robin Mack on January 03, 2014, 02:22:10 PM
*hug*  You'll get there, sis!  (PS-love the name!)

Thanks. The name came from the fact that my best friend once referred to my life as a fortuitous string of misadventures. He was referring to the fact that I've had a LOT of tragic things happen in my life, and instead of bringing me down they always tend to slingshot me to a better place. My decision to transition now is an example. It was the result me ex leaving me followed two weeks later by my house burning down (separately both tragic events, and two weeks apart makes it epically worse), and although I went to a depressed place for a moment, 4 months later I've found myself in a new place with new friends who are so supportive of me that for the first time in 32 years I felt comfortable enough to actually start transitioning instead of hiding that side of me away from the world and dreaming about a day when I could do it. So, I figured Missadventure seemed appropriate. 

Quote from: missadventure on January 03, 2014, 11:14:12 PM
That's so awesome! Congrats!

Thank you!  He hasn't called me back yet though, alas... going to rattle his cage in a bit...

Quote from: missadventure on January 03, 2014, 11:14:12 PM
Thanks. The name came from the fact that my best friend once referred to my life as a fortuitous string of misadventures. He was referring to the fact that I've had a LOT of tragic things happen in my life, and instead of bringing me down they always tend to slingshot me to a better place. My decision to transition now is an example. It was the result me ex leaving me followed two weeks later by my house burning down (separately both tragic events, and two weeks apart makes it epically worse), and although I went to a depressed place for a moment, 4 months later I've found myself in a new place with new friends who are so supportive of me that for the first time in 32 years I felt comfortable enough to actually start transitioning instead of hiding that side of me away from the world and dreaming about a day when I could do it. So, I figured Missadventure seemed appropriate. 

*hug*  Odd, we seem to have similar life experiences, although I don't seem to have landed on my feet quite as quickly.  Perhaps I'm learning, though, to recognize opportunities faster! 

After my dad was murdered by my adopted brother in what we learned later was a schizophrenia-related "incident", I cratered, but then learned to define myself outside the context of my family.  This was in my early twenties... a few years passed and I believe I was getting close to self-acceptance when I found a woman who loved me (I thought) the way I was and married her.  That lasted two years, and we stayed married for 12 years beyond the point where she quit even pretending to accept me and I tried to destroy the parts of me she couldn't stand... ending, predictably, in me nearly having nothing left before I got out.  A few years (and lots of therapy later) I'm finally accepting my true self.  Here's hoping now that I realize I'm *worthy* of happiness I'm quicker at grabbing opportunities to find it in the future when life hands me calamity.