Quote from: n/a on January 02, 2014, 04:23:20 PM
My boss and almost stepmom is in surgery for the aneurysm. I hope she gets through it ok, still will be a long recovery period even if everything goes ok though.

As a Paramedic I know what that is. Hope she does well and has no lingering effects. May her rehab be short! PM if you need to talk.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 02, 2014, 04:52:09 PM
As a Paramedic I know what that is. Hope she does well and has no lingering effects. May her rehab be short! PM if you need to talk.

After work I went by her house and talked to her niece and apparently, its been bleeding for about a week, they estimate. She has a history of heart trouble and she is 70 years old. She was in a 15 year relationship with my dad before he passed, so I've known her a long time and consider her a part of my family. So its more than just someone at work. I'm hoping for the best, but very worried.

I had weird dysphoria-related dreams. I had a dream where I was pantsless and walking through a mall and had to interact with people. I was talking to these old ladies and kind of trying to hold my shirt down to cover my junk...but I felt everyone knew...and then the old lady said "you're such a nice young man, most guys wouldn't take the time to talk to us like this."

Then I had pants on but was shaved, head to toe, and was in a high school. I was chilling on these couches in a resting area and I saw this girl and she started talking to me. I wanted to ask her out. But I just kept talking about stuff and she started resting her head on my shoulder and cuddling up with me. I was like "omg no way." But my confidence got shot and I walked off. As I walked off, she ran up to me, kissed my lips, and then walked away.

FML I hate feeling inbetween! And with the girl? SO what would happen in real life. It has happened in real life actually, minus the kiss.

Went to the doctors about my depression and anxiety, they decided to keep me on the same medication I'm already on, despite it not working, because they claim there is a "chance" that they will start working. Also had to put myself in even more in debt to get a little money, and spent most of the day asleep. Although, I guess since I was asleep most of the time I didn't really get much of a chance to be unhappy!

CaitGSith, have you checked out skills based therapy such as cognitive behavioural therapy? I found it helped me a lot.

Quote from: Edge on January 02, 2014, 09:44:31 PM
CaitGSith, have you checked out skills based therapy such as cognitive behavioural therapy? I found it helped me a lot.

I have been to some CBT in the past, but they put me into completely the wrong thing so it was no help. Mental health services have been trying to help again, so I'm currently waiting to hear back on another course which will apparently be a bit more suitable, and I've been referred to an actual psychologist, but I'm stuck waiting another 2 years for that. Had problems since I was a kid, and it's taken them until recently to acknowledge them really, and that's just for the anxiety/depression side of things, they haven't even started to help with gender things yet! Good old NHS mental health care!

Quote from: Shantel on January 02, 2014, 12:10:44 PM
The young ones have the most immediate responses, older takes longer and we're mostly stuck with what has been masculinized by long term testosterone until we are able to shell out a small fortune for FFS.

I understand that but it feels like it isn't always the case as there are members here who have started at an age a few years older than me and they seem to have near immediate results.

Quote from: CaitGSith on January 02, 2014, 09:56:25 PM
I have been to some CBT in the past, but they put me into completely the wrong thing so it was no help. Mental health services have been trying to help again, so I'm currently waiting to hear back on another course which will apparently be a bit more suitable, and I've been referred to an actual psychologist, but I'm stuck waiting another 2 years for that. Had problems since I was a kid, and it's taken them until recently to acknowledge them really, and that's just for the anxiety/depression side of things, they haven't even started to help with gender things yet! Good old NHS mental health care!

Good grief. The mental health system really needs to be fixed.

internet connection keeps messing up

It feels like my entire class is on the edge of a nervous breakdown... We've really got way to much to do and to little support to do it. I've turned into the resident classtherapist but it's really getting me down that so many good and hardworking students are just losing there motivation and get so stressed out. We've got a ton of sick people at the moment and most of them are sick because of stress and exhaustion... I wish I could do more for them

My father is still pressing me to buy a home, that he would lend me 55% of the entry fee...


No matter how much I try to explain, he does as if he could not hear me: Expending 30.000€ means saying goodbay to my transition saving. I'd have my own home, but it would take me years to pay for everything, including SRS and FFS. I'd be stuck in transition hell forever. As far as I am now that I have the money, I could be "finished" by January 2015.


God, I want to cry. To him, having a home is more important than my own body. Does he not understand that completing transition would improve my possibilities of finding a job?

Dont buy the house,,,,its not worth it...just rent an appartment,,,

I don't even want to buy. He bases his claim in that the monthly fees would be cheaper than what I pay renting (It is expensive), but I just want to find a cheaper place to rent. I keep telling him that I am in full mobility mode (I'll travel to wherever they offer me a job, all the EU territory), and what purpose does buying serve if I will have to rent in another place because there is no work here. "You could sell it later". "And lose money?"


The problem is the usual: A renting bubble. Renting did not start to be considered an interesting option (it is stigmatised here, same as with the gender diversity) until people could no afford buying a home anymore. So now buying is "cheap" and renting expensive.

Quote from: AppleJack on January 03, 2014, 11:32:45 AM
I don't even want to buy. He bases his claim in that the monthly fees would be cheaper than what I pay renting (It is expensive), but I just want to find a cheaper place to rent. I keep telling him that I am in full mobility mode (I'll travel to wherever they offer me a job, all the EU territory), and what purpose does buying serve if I will have to rent in another place because there is no work here. "You could sell it later". "And lose money?"

Have you considered the possibility that he wants you to buy so you'll stay close?

I've never seen my parents more stressed than when I told them I was in"full mobility mode".

Quote from: Gwynne on January 03, 2014, 11:35:10 AM
Have you considered the possibility that he wants you to buy so you'll stay close?

I've never seen my parents more stressed than when I told them I was in"full mobility mode".

I don't think so, or they would oppose to me trying to work in Prague. They are still overprotective about me, just that their overprotection idea identifies transition as an enemy as long as it means being attacked by people and lowering my job finding expectations. For them, the right thing to do is having a work and a home on property, and then living until you get old. I won't talk about them being so close minded about any kind of surgery.... When I talk about it, it is as if he was blacklisting those word. Since he still won't recognise my new persona as more than a costume and he won't even try to remember my old name (He believes to have full authority to call me whatever he wants "Just forgive me for doing it and bear with it"), I won't even mention the word vaginoplasty, or even getting fake boobs.

You know, I used to be so much against breast augmentations and preferring everything natural... Until you are stuck with an A. The best thing is that after FFS, BA and SRS his request of me dressing male to visit them will be useless since my appearance will be fully female no matter what I wear.


In the end, what he does not understand is that if I don't finish, GD will have again such an impact in my life that story will repeat again. I need to finish, be legally (and physically) female, and live a semi normal life.



And i can't tell more. I just went out in no make up and looking male because I was in a hurry and now I'm paying the price in GD.

Just particularly lonely today. What a useless emotion.

Quote from: Edge on January 03, 2014, 12:28:59 PM
Just particularly lonely today. What a useless emotion.

Hugs

Mother playing the depressing news loud on the radio.

I'm having trouble writing a cover letter and can't seem to find a good sample one online.  There are so many different ones that I don't know which to choose from.  There also isn't just one hiring manager at the job I'm trying to apply for so when I called the lady at the human resourc department, she just told me to put to whom it may concern, which seems like a BIG no-no.  I'm going to just say Dear Hiring Manager as it seems a bit more personal.

Also, my house phones aren't working

Knowing that I have to drive with my father's girlfriend tommorrow to practice.

the last few weeks have been hard and lonely, without internet or friends, all alone...

Quote from: Xhianil on January 03, 2014, 05:33:47 PMthe last few weeks have been hard and lonely, without internet or friends, all alone...