i'm new here so forgive me if this was asked before.

i will be starting t next month and i was just wondering what peoples thoughts on dating while just starting t?

i heard going through that is a "selfish time" and since i haven't gone through it, i can't exactly comment on it. i know people start t and stay in their relationship or start a new one. i just really haven't heard much from those experiences though whether it's good, bad or what it does to relationships (of course every one is different). i don't know if it's best to be selfish and focus on "me" because there is a lot of emotional changes (from what i've heard) or if i should just let whatever happens, happen in regards to a relationship. of course it's my own choice but i just want to know others opinions and thoughts who have gone through it or are thinking of going through it or anything else they could be thinking. i wanna know if people think it should be a selfish time, if you should bring a partner into it all and just start dating, stay with the person you're with or how it would effect a relationship (From personal experience of course), that kind of stuff.

any help would be appreciate, thanks.

I'm pre everything but ill try my best to help you considering Ive thought about dating before T and on T,  The thing is, Is that T affects us guys differently, Some guys don't notice that many emotional changes then you have others who do, I dob't think you should be selfish and just focus on you, I think you should let what ever happens hapen, Ive looked at plenty of guys on YouTube who are dating Pre T, And they are perfectly fine, I don't think its to much different from when a teen boy hits puberty, Know from my POV, I'm gonna need a woman their to satisfy my needs because well you go through a horny phase, Me personally, I don't wanna be alone when that happens , But again thats just me lol, Just relax and I'm pretty sure you will be fine, But you will become more aggressive, And it might be harder to cry so Ive heard, I'd just say consider whomevers feelings.

Goodluck man

Quote from: Brandon on January 03, 2014, 09:18:01 PM
I'm pre everything but ill try my best to help you considering Ive thought about dating before T and on T,  The thing is, Is that T affects us guys differently, Some guys don't notice that many emotional changes then you have others who do, I dob't think you should be selfish and just focus on you, I think you should let what ever happens hapen, Ive looked at plenty of guys on YouTube who are dating Pre T, And they are perfectly fine, I don't think its to much different from when a teen boy hits puberty, Know from my POV, I'm gonna need a woman their to satisfy my needs because well you go through a horny phase, Me personally, I don't wanna be alone when that happens , But again thats just me lol, Just relax and I'm pretty sure you will be fine, But you will become more aggressive, And it might be harder to cry so Ive heard, I'd just say consider whomevers feelings.

Goodluck man

i appreciate your input. as for dating pre-t, i've done it quite a bit considering i am in my 20s but as of me starting t, i'm currently single (although for the last few years i've been in an off and on relationship) which is why i wanted to know if it was best to just..deal with me or let whatever happens with her, happen. she's focusing on school which is why it is currently off. maybe it is best for me to focus on me now with the current situation but if it did happen to start up again, i just wanted to know how t would kind of effect the relationship, if it would. that's why i just want to know if it would be best to just continue to stay single or if i should just go about my business like i have been and let w/e happen, happen.

If i could go back and change things, i'd have been single when i started medically transitioning, which is exactly why 22 months on T im single, and intend on staying that way til well after surgery. Id focus on you, it might not get crazy straight away, but there will come a time where you sort of click and everything, without anything changes. I cant really pin point whats different about me, but everything is, and yet it isnt.

Quote from: invisiblemonsters on January 03, 2014, 09:55:14 PM
i appreciate your input. as for dating pre-t, i've done it quite a bit considering i am in my 20s but as of me starting t, i'm currently single (although for the last few years i've been in an off and on relationship) which is why i wanted to know if it was best to just..deal with me or let whatever happens with her, happen. she's focusing on school which is why it is currently off. maybe it is best for me to focus on me now with the current situation but if it did happen to start up again, i just wanted to know how t would kind of effect the relationship, if it would. that's why i just want to know if it would be best to just continue to stay single or if i should just go about my business like i have been and let w/e happen, happen.

Really it's what you wanna do, I can't really tell you what's best for you because only you know, But what I do think is that you should keep yourself open to dating, I understand alittle of were your coming from

Keep your options open. Not everyone has any major changes in mood or feelings. The aggression thing is a myth, BTW. If you do find someone willing to be with you through out your transition, great. If you don't, maybe it just isn't time yet. I don't think I would worry about looking for someone necessarily, but that is me.

I was dating when I first started T and I gotta say that it did not affect my mood swings much at all. Obviously everyone is different so no way can I say it will be the same for you. My gf at the time was very understanding and stood by me from the start, however I DID make sure that she was aware of any side-effects so she could understand if I did lash out uncontrollably. Good luck with starting on T mate

I did find the first little while on T a bit challenging, and I could see it driving a partner crazy, but it really wasn't because of T. It was because for the first 10 months I had barely any changes, and then was struggling to pass and fit in as male for a while. It made me emotional, anxious, and I had a lot of feelings I had to talk about lol.

I do still believe a relationship is possible despite some stresses you may face in the first little while of HRT. It depends - if you're an emotionally healthy and stable person, and you handle stress well, I don't see any reason why you couldn't be with someone while going through the first stages.

my gf of 3 years broke up with me right before starting T, and we moved out from living with each other.  It went from daily contact for 4+ years to almost nothing, so starting T was an odd time for me in general.  My one outlet for actually speaking about my emotions was gone.  (I don't do therapy well... I got out of there way before starting T as I had already had top surgery)


That being said... In other ways I was perfectly emotionally stable, and think that this time would have been a better time to date than the preceding 3 years in which I was, quite honestly, a bit of a wreck. 

I waited until I was pretty much done with transition before dating (or rather, trying to date) someone.  I think there is too much going on earlier, so many changes, and I didn't want someone to see me as F first and always think of me that way.  I wanted to date someone who has only ever known me as male.

Dating is hard enough without the stresses of transition (IMO); transition is hard enough without the pressures of dating.  I've known a lot of guys who postponed transition because of their significant others not being on board.  For some, the relationships persisted despite transition, but for the most part they fizzled.

Just some advice from an old fart.  I always recommend waiting to date until you have the time and emotional resources to give to someone else.  Transition is a selfish time, for sure.


Jay

I think about this from time to time.  Though I haven't began my transition, it was my intention to go through this alone and just focus on myself.  That didn't work out as planned and now I'm dating someone I love.  Now I have to shift my thinking from transitioning alone to transitioning with a partner, which is harder than I thought, but in reality, having someone that loves and supports you in your transiton is truly a blessing.  I would gladly give up some of my selfishness to share this journey with someone, but that's just me.  I will say that making the choice to go through this stage of your transition alone is commendable, and I do feel that it's better for some people to go through it alone.  You just have to figure out if that is the best thing for you to do right now. 

Quote from: Malachite on January 05, 2014, 08:41:44 PM
I think about this from time to time.  Though I haven't began my transition, it was my intention to go through this alone and just focus on myself.  That didn't work out as planned and now I'm dating someone I love.  Now I have to shift my thinking from transitioning alone to transitioning with a partner, which is harder than I thought, but in reality, having someone that loves and supports you in your transiton is truly a blessing.  I would gladly give up some of my selfishness to share this journey with someone, but that's just me.  I will say that making the choice to go through this stage of your transition alone is commendable, and I do feel that it's better for some people to go through it alone.  You just have to figure out if that is the best thing for you to do right now.

Pretty much said everything I had to say!

I assumed I would be going through transition as a single parent, I happened to meet somebody and fell in love and I can't imagine my transition going as well as it has without him there to support me. I had no idea how I was going to handle dating - I'm fortunate in that I don't have to worry about it now. We only had one coffee shop date before he pretty much moved in and it was like we'd known each other forever.

So I personally wouldn't focus on dating, but if something happens to spark up then don't be afraid to explore it. I remember saying to my friend when she was like "oooh you've got a date" - I was all "it's not a date, my life is complicated enough" - it'll be our fourth anniversary this year so much for not dating.

Quote from: Jeatyn on January 06, 2014, 04:13:55 AM
Pretty much said everything I had to say!

I assumed I would be going through transition as a single parent, I happened to meet somebody and fell in love and I can't imagine my transition going as well as it has without him there to support me. I had no idea how I was going to handle dating - I'm fortunate in that I don't have to worry about it now. We only had one coffee shop date before he pretty much moved in and it was like we'd known each other forever.

So I personally wouldn't focus on dating, but if something happens to spark up then don't be afraid to explore it. I remember saying to my friend when she was like "oooh you've got a date" - I was all "it's not a date, my life is complicated enough" - it'll be our fourth anniversary this year so much for not dating.

Golden words in the bold!  I agree.  In the context of relationships, I say just go with the flow and let whatever happens happen naturally.  Don't try to force anything.

Btw congrats on your fourth anniversary, Jeatyn!

thank you all for your input. i think i won't knock out dating if it comes around unless during my transition i feel that it's best at that time that i am single instead of with someone. i know she loves me and is very supportive of me and my decisions and would be there for me no matter the out come so i don't think i should knock out dating, especially with someone so supportive like you guys have mentioned having. it's just nice to hear that couples have gone through it together and came out the other end stronger. that definitely gives me hope for dating.

One thing to keep in mind and this may be good or bad for a new relationship... on T almost every guy Ive known gets incredibly horny. My sex drive is through the roof and while this is something you can sometimes take care of yourself, if you know what I mean, it can be a bit of an issue as well. I never really had any of the stereotypical "side affects" other than the sex drive.  When I was pre-T I used to laugh at the amount of times a day cis men think about sex, don't remember the number but its staggering. After a few weeks on T, I totally understood and sometimes have difficulty thinking about anything else.

Quote from: overdrive on January 06, 2014, 03:17:23 PM
One thing to keep in mind and this may be good or bad for a new relationship... on T almost every guy Ive known gets incredibly horny. My sex drive is through the roof and while this is something you can sometimes take care of yourself, if you know what I mean, it can be a bit of an issue as well. I never really had any of the stereotypical "side affects" other than the sex drive.  When I was pre-T I used to laugh at the amount of times a day cis men think about sex, don't remember the number but its staggering. After a few weeks on T, I totally understood and sometimes have difficulty thinking about anything else.

i didn't think of that either. well, it won't be a "new" relationship, her and i have been on and off for a few years now. however, it is long distance so idk how well that will go over with the sex drive thing. i'm not looking for something "new" or to date some other person really, i just wanted to see how t would effect my current situation. however if i do date someone else, i will definitely keep this in mind.

Quote from: overdrive on January 06, 2014, 03:17:23 PM
One thing to keep in mind and this may be good or bad for a new relationship... on T almost every guy Ive known gets incredibly horny. My sex drive is through the roof and while this is something you can sometimes take care of yourself, if you know what I mean, it can be a bit of an issue as well. I never really had any of the stereotypical "side affects" other than the sex drive.  When I was pre-T I used to laugh at the amount of times a day cis men think about sex, don't remember the number but its staggering. After a few weeks on T, I totally understood and sometimes have difficulty thinking about anything else.

I think about sex like crazy know, I hope mine slows down while on T because I am way to visual and its very irratating at times, My sex drive is already over the roof

Quote from: Brandon on January 03, 2014, 09:18:01 PM
I'm pre everything but ill try my best to help you considering Ive thought about dating before T and on T,  The thing is, Is that T affects us guys differently, Some guys don't notice that many emotional changes then you have others who do, I dob't think you should be selfish and just focus on you, I think you should let what ever happens hapen, Ive looked at plenty of guys on YouTube who are dating Pre T, And they are perfectly fine, I don't think its to much different from when a teen boy hits puberty, Know from my POV, I'm gonna need a woman their to satisfy my needs because well you go through a horny phase, Me personally, I don't wanna be alone when that happens , But again thats just me lol, Just relax and I'm pretty sure you will be fine, But you will become more aggressive, And it might be harder to cry so Ive heard, I'd just say consider whomevers feelings.

Goodluck man

I think its really important that people know this is a common myth. Testosterone will not necessarily make someone more aggressive. I suggest you do some reading, Brandon.

Quote from: chuck on January 07, 2014, 12:06:37 PM
I think its really important that people know this is a common myth. Testosterone will not necessarily make someone more aggressive. I suggest you do some reading, Brandon.

Some guys do get more aggresive

Quote from: chuck on January 07, 2014, 12:06:37 PM
I think its really important that people know this is a common myth. Testosterone will not necessarily make someone more aggressive. I suggest you do some reading, Brandon.

You are correct, Chuck.  Education is important to combat myths and misinformation.

Testosterone and aggressiveness
Medical Science Monitor, April 2005

Abstract

Aggressiveness is an ancestral behavior common to all animal species. Its neurophysiological mechanisms are similar in all vertebrates. Males are generally more aggressive than females. In this review, aggressive behavior in rodents, monkeys, and man and the role of testosterone and brain serotonin levels have been considered. Interspecific aggressiveness in rats has been studied considering the mouse-killing behavior; the neonatal androgenization of females increases adult mouse-killing as does the administration of testosterone in adults. Intraspecific aggressiveness was studied by putting two or more male rats (or mice) in the same cage; the condition of subjection or dominance is influenced by testosterone. In monkeys, testosterone is related to aggressiveness and dominance and, during the mating season, increases in testosterone levels and aggressive attitude are observed. In men, higher testosterone levels were obtained in perpetrators of violent crimes, in men from the army with antisocial behaviors, in subjects with impulsive behaviors, alcoholics and suicidals, in athletes using steroids, and during competitions...

If you have ever observed a case of "'roid rage," then you would know what testosterone can do.  With that said, people have the ability to control themselves, so hormonal levels should never be blamed for anti-social behavior.