tonight i tried to overcome my fear of the public (i'm trans mtf) i went to the bar and was nice to people and tried to be as nice as possible, so i was outside, and one of the guys in the bar came outside, and to be nice, i offered him a cig (just to be nice) and he said no, ( but he had a vibe about him that was so rude that i just knew what it was about) and when i went back in, his friend next to him said something (not sure what it was) but he did the finger down his throat in a disgust type of tone, ( i knew it was about me) and so i was upset and went home and hungout with my neighbor dean and his friend, and his friend eventually knew that i was trans, and it hurt when he said he felt like he was in the presence of a *gay male* (even though i do not act "gay" or flamboyant. and he just kept saying how uncomfortable he was around me, and it really hurt how he left after a while because he was uncomfortable near me it really hurt me because i was trying to overcome my fear of bars and the public but now i'm more scared of people in general, i was also going through my mother's phone and she was texting her "boyfriend" (and i use that term loosely) he's an abuser, and they were turning me into a joke and saying that i "trick" people. fyi, i don't "trick" anyone, i have a bf, who knows i'm trans, and is perfectly ok with it, as well as his family,  my dad and i get along just fine and knows it's not a choice, but it hurts to feel like i'm a joke or somethingthat is carnivalesque by my own mother 

Hi Honey,

Welcome to the site. Please don't let these cockroaches disturb you. They are not people who are worth the oxygen they waste. You are a brave girl who is facing her life and doing it well by all accounts.

WE all meet people who hurt us, but that is their pleasure. Deny them that, be the woman you are, stand up tall and look the world in the eye as the lovely young woman you truly are.

So take a deep breath and get a smile on the your face.

And welcome to Susans! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.

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I'm Cindy and I'm in South Australia. You are very welcome to join your new family, we love you and won't reject you.

So settle in and have a look through some topics and people will be on to greet you.

Hugs

Cindy

thank you cindy, i have been reading posts on this site for a while, but did not join until my bf saw that i was posting here and he got me to convince myself into joining, and thank you for helping me feel a little better, it just hurts being treated like a joke by someone who gave birth to me

Darling you are not a joke. My Mum and Dad never could accept their daughter. I was a sin. Guess what? They were wrong.

OK it hurt but I decided I was a worthwhile person. Now I have very many friends, I'm loved, I'm happy and I'm proud.

I'm a woman who enjoys her life, OK it took a long time, but I didn't have a family like this to help me. I thought I was the only freak in the world.

But I'm not a freak; I'm a woman who was misgendered at birth because I had male genitals and a female brain.

I'm very normal.

Actually I'm not; I'm freaking awesome

And so are you and never forget it.

Hugs
Cindy

thank you cindy, i feel much better now.

Hi Latoya,

Welcome to Susan's. I see you have met one of the most awesome members here. It is sad that parents, especially older ones, have such a hard time understanding that you are the same wonderful person you always were. The only difference is that you are now being as yourself and not the miserable misgendered person you were.

Sorry to hear about your night. It took a lot of courage to go out like that, just remember guys can be jerks and are just trying to impress others to feel good about themselves.

when trying to overcome a fear of public, a bar isn't the best first step.......just my .02   

Hi Latoya, welcome to Susan's Place! Big hug for having a bad time. Oriah is right, are there any support groups near you? A visit there would be a safe trip, and it's just as public, so you can work out the butterflies in your stomach. See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Oriah on December 24, 2013, 07:26:59 AM
when trying to overcome a fear of public, a bar isn't the best first step.......just my .02

My sentiments exactly. Throw in a more refined version of "Not the safest". Booze, homophobic guys, and a lone trans woman is not a good combo! (Of course, if it was a gay bar... a bit different safety wise, not the treatment)

My first times out were in daylight surrounded by throngs of people. Totally anonymous. Did grocery shopping.

Quote from: Oriah on December 24, 2013, 07:26:59 AM
when trying to overcome a fear of public, a bar isn't the best first step.......just my .02

Indeed. Very much +1...maybe find an LGBT-friendly church nearby? You don't have to follow their faith, often they'll welcome you to their functions etc.

Or if you must go to bars, at least go to LGBT ones. (fwiw, I still haven't got over my fear of bars, not since I was almost drugged)

Quote from: Oriah on December 24, 2013, 07:26:59 AM
when trying to overcome a fear of public, a bar isn't the best first step.......just my .02

Sorry to beat a dead horse, but this is VERY good advice. Just remember, we are not judging, just guiding you, OK?

I am glad you do have someone standing by you right now. Support groups are great and can lead you to a whole new group of people you may have never thought about being with. Another plus is you can develop friendships that may continue into your daily life and provide the peace and safety of always having someone to go places with you. Safety in numbers! Stick around, there are plenty of people to give out good advice for your new journey as we all need help at times. Glad to have you in the family here! 

I'm sorry you're having a rough time with your fears, Latoya. I've got a lot of fears myself, so I can relate.
Most of all, I think you need a

Hi Latoya ... Welcome to a community that is totally supportive of your life, and there are many, many here with a lot of experience that can provide not only support, but advice.  Myself ... I had my SRS 28 years ago, and I think it's fair to say that we have all had a night like yours on occasion .... Don't let it discourage you.  The attitude of society is much more accepting today than it was 28 years ago, nevertheless the "cockroaches" described in the other posts who are taking up the oxygen in the room do not merit your concern.  Just ignore them and move-on.  For each of those types you run across, you will also find friends and supporters.  Keep with your journey, and stay positive!  Roberto.

I'm sure I'll go through the same when I start my transition. I'll tell you like I tell all my friends. I'm here if you need to talk.
But don't give up! There are some great people out there. Maybe a bar isn't the best place to go. There are plenty of other options tho. Like skating rinks, sports events, and such.
Just keep that hope tucked away in your back pocket. Because although your gender is not a choice, hope most certainly is.

Wow..in one night :l I am so sorry Latoya.

Glad you are feeling better. Enjoy your stay, and above all I hope you learn even more about yourself and all that goodness. Your not a joke, your a person and living for you ^_^