So...
I've been learning a lot, lately, and spending more time as the woman inside and out. This has caused some confusion when I have to work in "male mode".
I present male at my current workplace, due to their extremely conservative nature. I don't like working in an environment that is so incredibly conservative that women aren't allowed to wear slacks and people are afraid to talk to each other except during meetings, so I'm not even going to attempt to transition here. My one year anniversary as a contractor for this company is about to come up and my need to transition full time is getting stronger. It's gotten bad enough that I keep almost walking into the women's room here despite being (supposedly) in "guy mode".
I'm out to my immediate boss and to a couple of coworkers. I decided to give them a chance. My boss still isn't sure how to feel about it, but says no matter what I'm a hell of a programmer and he wants to maintain a professional relationship with me and have me do other contract work for him in the future. A win.
I'm out, too, to a coworker, another contractor, who astonished me by giving me a hug and telling me he has had a number of friends in his life transition, and that he supports me.
I came out to these people to test the water, because I *know* I will need to go full time soon and I'm a software developer in a very small market. The fact that I am 6'4" tall makes me the tallest professional developer in the area already... it wouldn't take much to put two and two together. Stealth is not an option. When I transition in the workplace, I know the news will spread quickly. Fortunately, at least on an individual basis, my incredibly unscientific poll has shown good results.
So I was both hoping for and dreading talking to job recruiters in the area. My hand was somewhat forced when a recruiter emailed to tell me he had a great job opportunity, and asked what I was looking for. I replied with salary requirements and told him that any company I considered would have to have a liberal work environment with a strong LGBT policy, without explaining further. He replied that it would not be a problem and we set up a call.
During the call I asked him point-blank if it was company policy and his personal policy that confidential information would be kept between us. He replied, "Of course", so I took a deep breath. I was fearing that his reaction would be strongly negative, and I'd get a "don't call us, we'll call you" response. I was afraid that this would mean I needed to find work-from home opportunities during transition (not impossible, but not easy to do, at least at my salary requirement).
I was shocked, then, when he replied, "Awesome!" in a bright, cheery voice. I further told him that it would be an awkward year or two as I took hormone therapy and became more and more feminine, but that I already much prefer presenting as a woman. This was to make sure he really understood me. To my surprise, he replied, "That's fine, I understand. My best friend started transitioning last year." My eyes misted over. He continued, "I don't see a problem with that. Our client needs your skill set, and I don't think they care much how you look as long as you can deliver."
So, here I am... a few days ago I was despairing over whether I would ever find work that would accept *me*. And now I am seriously contemplating interviewing with a new company as the woman I am.
I guess the lesson of all of this, for me, is that I really need to stop second guessing people and stop limiting myself by anticipating negative reactions. Instead of keeping people at a distance, fearing being hurt by their rejection, I am now working on giving them a chance... a chance to surprise me. More often than not, it seems, they do.
*hug*
