i'm feeling a bit tipsy and i don't know why. i am 100% sober. always have always will be.

edit:

great. i can't play guitar right now.

Every second note comes in too late.

I was planning on cleaning the apartment today. While I did get some cleaning done, the rest of my apartment is now cluttered worse than usual. I still have a lot of work to do and it feels overwhelming.
I feel lonely (not a euphemism) and have some self doubt. I know it will pass, but in the meantime, I don't like it.
I have to miss the first day of classes because there's a carbon monoxide leak (I think that's what they said) at my son's day care. As much as a relish time with him and want him to be safe, I am disappointed about missing school.

I'm 'in heat' today. >_> Seems to be one day in particular, within a week after having my 'period', I just get debilitatingly aroused.. >_< Female sex-drives are weird. :/

Aaand my tits hurt.. :\

Also, I might have to break someone's heart soon..

And spring semester starts tomorrow.

Quote from: Edge on January 05, 2014, 04:49:33 PM
I was planning on cleaning the apartment today. While I did get some cleaning done, the rest of my apartment is now cluttered worse than usual.

Man you should see my room. Lol. I bet it would make your apartment look like a freshly sterilized hospital room.

I'm actually at the point where I want to throw away all my possessions so mess isn't an option lol. This room is so much smaller than the basement room I had in the old house.

Quote from: caleb. on January 05, 2014, 05:59:16 PMI'm actually at the point where I want to throw away all my possessions so mess isn't an option lol.

I actually have to do that. Not all our possessions obviously, but I need to go through all our stuff (including the large number of toys we've accumulated) and throw out/donate what we don't use and that he doesn't play with anymore.

Quote from: Edge on January 05, 2014, 08:04:41 PM
I actually have to do that. Not all our possessions obviously, but I need to go through all our stuff (including the large number of toys we've accumulated) and throw out/donate what we don't use and that he doesn't play with anymore.

Good for you. My son had a lot of issues saying goodbye to things, so we let ourselves get out of the habit. The house is now completely full of child-related clutter.

i ate some killer hot chicken ceasar salad with my dad which was awesome, we were both panting from the burning mouths, but now i feel gross inside and then i watched a romance film and was in tears for most of the last 20 mins and then had a bad feeling come up, the ol' "i just want to be loved by someone, and there is no one that would love me cuz im a hideous trans woman that fails", ugh well i just need a good sleep and tomorrow i will be all better

  You're far from hideous.

Kiaraja, if you are hideous baby then that downgrades me to a radioactive flea living on Godzilla's booty! You are so gorgeous! If I could pass just a 1/1,000th of you I would be the happiest girl on Earth. Scratch that, Universe.

Quote from: Casey Danielle on January 06, 2014, 03:02:53 AM
  You're far from hideous.

You're so far from hideous you're beautiful!

Got to get up for work in 3 hours, not tired and can't sleep since i usually go to bed in 2 hours.  I hate when they think people can operate on a changing work schedule. I have depression issues when that happens. With the weather being as it is, I may just call in car trouble.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 06, 2014, 03:08:47 AM
Kiaraja, if you are hideous baby then that downgrades me to a radioactive flea living on Godzilla's booty! You are so gorgeous! If I could pass just a 1/1,000th of you I would be the happiest girl on Earth. Scratch that, Universe.

well i don't think its my physical appearance that i feel hideous, its actually my internal self, i just feel like i have an unattractive personality, i have so many faults and i just feel like im drowning myself in self doubt and negativity, but then again i think im just feeling really pms like lately

gross plus emotional turmoil = time of the month

lost my hair net

Quote from: Willow on January 03, 2014, 07:39:14 PM
Do you have a cell phone? PM me if so, we can text.

Yes, if I had a plan on it I'd be happy to, and if my sister stopped trying to break it...

The letter which the local mental health team said they'd send out on 13th December never arrived. Today was the first time I've been able to get my post as I've been away since 20th December, and I assumed it would be here. So, so angry.

Quote from: kiaraja on January 06, 2014, 02:54:35 AM
i ate some killer hot chicken ceasar salad with my dad which was awesome,

That sounds delicious.

Quote from: kiaraja on January 06, 2014, 02:54:35 AM
the ol' "i just want to be loved by someone, and there is no one that would love me cuz im a hideous trans woman that fails"

I feel that way sometimes too. When I don't it's when I don't want to be loved. There are many reasons why no one can ever love me.

Made a profile on OKCupid(never good at making them) and now I am thinking of deleting it already, partially cause I am such a work in progress and feel i wouldn't be accepted as is. Also just makes me realise even more how much better everyone is than me and gets me thinking what is the point?

Loner for life.

I think my depression snuck up on me these last couple months. I worry about that. I've never really accepted the diagnosis I got of Major Depressive Disorder, because I would like to believe that it's all in my head. The first "episode" I had lasted over 2 years.

It doesn't help that on certain websites (looking at you Tumblr) it's trendy to label yourself with mental illnesses. I just feel lumped into another category.

I also need to add that despite not having worn a binder, or anything compressive, for a month now, my binding pain acted up again today. I guess it's a permanent condition.

My son has problems with insomnia. I have already tried all the advice I've been given (and may punch the next person who suggests a bedtime routine. I don't like being taken for an idiot) and everything I've looked up. None of it works. According to his other father, he doesn't have a problem falling asleep at their house, but from what he's told me, he doesn't do anything different. But then, his other father also claims that he naps for two to three hours in the afternoon which is utter horse crap (although it would explain his trouble falling asleep on some nights if it were true). I can't sleep until my son does, but I have to try to do well in school.