Quote from: Kimberly on July 30, 2007, 08:18:01 PM
Question Kate,

Did that delay help or harm do you think?

It helped, but not in the ways she intended I'm sure

My therapist was fond of the saying, "You need to *own* this..."

Well, I certainly learned THAT lesson well. My transition ended up being mine, and mine alone. It happened because I MADE it happen.

Seriously though, it was a stupid, reckless game she played with me. It sounds like yours is being kinda careless with you too, Shane. You're an adult, she has no right IMHO to suggest you're too young to know what you need. If there's a REASON behind it, fine, but a blanket statement that you're too young is just unfair prejudice. You're not a "19 year old" - you're Shane, and should be evaluated as an individual, not an age group.

Therapists DO like directness and commitment, but sometimes they interpret that as being rash and overconfident as well. But then again, vagueness and hesitation is seen as not facing your issues honestly. So I dunno, I swear you just cannot win with some people.

~Kate~

Yeah, thanks for the advice.  I'll give her like two more months to see if she can learn to accept that my choices are for me, not anyone else.  If not, time to move on elsewhere and find someone else I guess and start it all over.  *sigh*

You might consider mentioning that to her as well really.

Shane,

I do not believe it is for a therapist to tell anyone what direction their life should be going. Her job is not to determine if you are TS. Her job is to help you accept it. When you say things like you want her to understand, it makes me wonder who the therapist is and who the patient is. It's not your job to convince her you are TS. It's her job to help you transition.

If you are waiting for her to tell you that you are TS, I just don't see that happening. You need to tell her what you want to happen and why. Either she gets on your team, with your goals, or it's time to find another therapist. TS is self diagnosed. If she does not believe you are TS, she needs to tell you why she believes that and how she could know.

Be straight up and ask her if she intends to write the letters you want her to write and if so, when? If not, why? The entire age thing is irrelevant and has me wondering if she is not taking a role that is not appropriate. It's not up to her to decide, it's up to you and I would like to know what exactly qualified her to know at what age someone can make decisions for themselves? Saving people from themselves is best left to gods, not therapists.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Quote from: Elizabeth on August 01, 2007, 06:48:53 AM
Shane,

I do not believe it is for a therapist to tell anyone what direction their life should be going. Her job is not to determine if you are TS. Her job is to help you accept it. When you say things like you want her to understand, it makes me wonder who the therapist is and who the patient is. It's not your job to convince her you are TS. It's her job to help you transition.

If you are waiting for her to tell you that you are TS, I just don't see that happening. You need to tell her what you want to happen and why. Either she gets on your team, with your goals, or it's time to find another therapist. TS is self diagnosed. If she does not believe you are TS, she needs to tell you why she believes that and how she could know.

Be straight up and ask her if she intends to write the letters you want her to write and if so, when? If not, why? The entire age thing is irrelevant and has me wondering if she is not taking a role that is not appropriate. It's not up to her to decide, it's up to you and I would like to know what exactly qualified her to know at what age someone can make decisions for themselves? Saving people from themselves is best left to gods, not therapists.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Oh how I couldn't agree with you more.  This whole situation is just annoying for me.  It just drives me insane in the sense that I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with her.  I don't really want to pay her for me to tell her my history and try and find a temporary solution for it.  I'm paying her to help me FIX this problem, not try and find alternative ways around it.  Maybe that's why she is driving me insane.

Other than that, I just don't know what to do.  It's sort of dissapointing that nothing has happened yet.  Sure, I don't want to feel this way, nor do I think anyone does.  But hey, I don't feel like I am being given the chance to live my life the way I want to, and that's the part where I'm losing it.  I'm not here to pay here to tell me things I already know, or that I don't really care about.

Okay venting is done argghhhh. 

The role of a therapist with a Transsexual is to assist you with transition, not analyze your past or provide temporary solutions.  They are mainly there to serve as an outlet to the frustrations of your transition process, not to contribute to those frustrations.

Tell her if she does not going to give you an HRT letter that you will fire her and find a therapist who has dealt with TS regularly and will not delay you on your journey...then see how she reacts.

She right now is a barrier, and if she does not give you the letter in the next session, I would fire her.  If you are stating you are TS, and that is the root of your problems, there really should be no delays.    Most therapist these days do three months like clockwork, and some do not even follow the SoC, and give out the letter well before then.  9 months is to long to wait and deal with a therapist at 19.  If you know who you are the therapist should not prevent you from that path. 

Posted on: August 02, 2007, 10:09:29 AM

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Quote from: shanetastic on July 31, 2007, 07:06:44 PM
She says at times that I'm too young to know what I want right now and maybe later in life.  I know it sounds bad to say that, but maybe it's because I'm giving her mixed signals I have no idea to be honest really.  I'm just hoping that she comes to the point well she will think it's time to let me make my own choice.  After all, this is my life, not hers.  I wouldn't think she's trying to get more hours out of me, because regardless if she allows me to transition I'm still going to see her.  Ahhhh I'm just confused, what does she want!?!?

Edit:  Maybe she's not in favor of people transitioning, because she was like "Well transitioning is hell, it's worse than what your going through."  But I don't think she understands maybe, after all I don't think it can be worse than my life right now with a past suicide attempt.  I don't think it gets any worse than that right there. 

Right there is a red flag.  If she is not in favor of transitioning and says its worse than what you are going through, it kind of tells me she is intentionally blocking you from doing so. Transitioning will turn your life upside down, but its MUCH easier the younger you are, and much more of a mess the older you are.  It seems to me the few TS she has encountered are older, if she is thinking you are too young and thinks transitioning is worse than not doing so. 

I don't know the way she is kind of strikes me as out of touch, and just a poor therapist.  She is serving as a barrier. 

I agree with what others have said.  If you are absolutely certain you are TS and want to transition, and you have hired her to facilitate and help you with this process, then she should be affirmatively moving in that direction, and not putting up more barriers or telling you you are too young.  Now, if you really aren't certain, and she can see that, or if you have some other serious mental health issues that keep you from being able to make a good decision about this at this time, then she should explain that to you, clearly, so you know what's going on, and you can then decide whether her view has some validity, or alternatively, to see someone else to get things going.  Don't waste endless time and money with someone who simply thinks transitioning is a bad idea for reasons that have nothing to do with you.