My SO who is a wonderful person in her own rights has supported me thru this for the last few months. We separated over 5 years ago because we fought all the time and I felt at that time this would harm our daughter emotionally, she is now 12 years old. We had agreed that we should stay married; we had a post nuptial signed and I gave her a very generous financial settlement. I went to visit her in my villa to be with my daughter and to renew our relationship as a friend and companion. We had talked for months for hours on end, and she seemed so willing to be part of my future life. Well within a week she became what we were before, over a little matter that just escalated. I have been a non confrontational person for 10 plus months and this suddenly connected an inactive neuron in my brain and I reverted. It made me feel sick physically and emotionally distraught. I don't want to attack someone that is unable to defend herself in this forum and I have decided that we can't make it and I am ever so sad. I am very wealthy and I need someone now to trust as I take my next steps – I know I can pay for a companion but this was not what I had hoped. My aggressiveness has only just subsided and it's a dark place for me and I don't ever want to go there again – yet I feel so lost and overwhelmed.

Sorry I can't do more than give you a BIG HUG ( )! I know that anger and it is something I battle with as well. I hope it heals and you never have to see it's ugliness again. Good luck baby. 

First of all welcome to the woderful world of transition.

I was an angry, irritable man most of my life.

Hormones and transition changed that, but 10 months is not long enough. Just long enough that they are taking hold but not long enough for the really big changes.

Now, my advice. Transition is a time of change, big changes, often surprising ones. They mostly happen in the second and third year. After that, things start to settle down a little and over time subside.

Relationships, even friendships can be hard during this time. IMHO the most significant effect of hormones is not physical, it is mental. You are likely to be moody, over sensitive, emotional, weepy and all manner of things. Your brain literally gets rewired to be more similar to that of a female. Not an easy time at all. Also not the best time to be seeking out a relationship. This is a time for contemplation, a time to focus on yourself and discover who you really are in this new life. Once that is done you will make a far better and more stable partner for someone. You will also know better what it is you want.

I am assuming you are MTF. Your SO was your wife, so you lived as a heterosexual male.

Dont be shocked if over time you find yourself experiencing a growing attraction to men. Which would make you a heterosexual female. Its not rare at all.

Do you have a therapist? Someone you can trust and talk to? It helps, it helps a lot. From what you say you can afford it.

If you dont want that, you can talk to me. Its something I do, I dont want your money or to be your companion, but if you need someone to talk to, reach out. |Its up to you.

Hi jessica - thank you and is that your name in Russian

Hi Amber -Thak you so much for you kind and informative avise. Yes M t F - had 3 therapists that i talked with over 2 years and kept the best one. We now talk every 2 weeks. I just feel i needed to hear from others like me. I have never discused my situaion except with my therapist and SO. I'm still in the closet and speak at financial conventions and i'm not sure i'm ready to talk right now. I would like to keep in contact tho  xoxo

Absolutely fine. 10 months on HRT and not out? How long do you think you can keep that up? If you dont have one you better start thinking about a plan for coming out. Soon, very soon, keeping up the male facade will become self destructive.

Sounds like you have a good job, public, well paid. Prepared to loose all of that?

Thats what I did. Multiple six figure income, walked away from it. No other way.

Im sure you have thought about this. But if you havent, also think about what you are willing to give up in pursuit of being female. If its less than everything your chances of success go down drastically.

Best wishes truly in your journey.

Hi Amber, it so nice to now someone who has gone thru the same thought processes and considered all the consequences Thank you and I do hope w keep in touch.

You are welcome! Джессика is Jessica. Below my name is "A woman needing love". Tag line is "Dare to be different". I am still learning (self taught) with help from Emily and Kasihnya.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 07, 2014, 04:35:19 AM
Sorry I can't do more than give you a BIG HUG ( )! I know that anger and it is something I battle with as well. I hope it heals and you never have to see it's ugliness again. Good luck baby. 

same here.