So, I've just started posting here today, but I wanted to make an official "coming out" type thread. Just a quick bit of history, I guess when I was little wanted to wear a dress and was told boys didn't do that and those that did got beat up. And I think that put that side of me underground for some time. I don't remember feeling surfacing before I was thirteen but the might have without me having a solid memory to hold on to. But at least from that point on, I knew I wanted to be female physically, but I kept it to myself, letting those ideas exist only in my mind. For most of my life from that point I only experimented slightly with clothes when I thought I could get away with it, or no one was around, which sadly wasn't often.
Eventually I decided to 'barrow' some underwear that hadn't been moved in awhile, and later a bra. Trying them on at night and occasionally falling asleep in them with thoughts and wishes of waking up with a female appearance.
Still, just about a little less then a month ago, (Right before finals, terrible timing) I decided I had to tell someone. I decided on a very close but long distance friend who didn't have ties to pretty much anyone else I knew. After typing a short message with key words like "I" and "transgender", I stared at the screen for at least two minutes with my finger over the enter key before I finally closed my eyes and pressed the button. It turned out that he was super supportive and gave me the strength and encouragement to continue forward. First to talk to a gender specialized therapist and as of a couple days ago, my mother as well.
As if telling my friend hadn't gone well enough, my mom took the news even better. While slightly surprised, it only took minutes before she jumped right past the loss of a son stage and right into the gaining a daughter step. She gave me a few of her clothes that were about my size and many words of encouragement that night. The second day she went shopping for tons of clothes and I got to actually dress in front of her, and it felt pretty amazing being accepted so readily. Today, my little sister found out and it was as if nothing ever changed yet it already seemed we were bonding on a new level (we've already traded bras >_<) She was very accepting and loving as she's always been. The changes to my life seem to be going faster then I would have thought possible and have so far gone better then I could have possibly hoped for. Now everyone in my home knows and have basically not only given me the okay to dress more femininely, but are strongly encouraging me (Perhaps with a bit more pink clothes then I would have preferred, but it's helped stretch my comfort zone a bit.)
I spent most of the latter part of the day in "mostly girl mode" and it didn't even feel weird much to my amazement and joy. Even with tight pants, girl shirt and a padded bra with inserts, it just felt natural talking and going about my home like that (though I really wish I had started working on my voice >_<).
Telling my girl friend of six years about this is next on my to-do list, and I'm pretty worried she won't take it well. Beyond that I'm terrified about telling my dad and his side of my family, (who I fortunately don't live with and can wait a bit longer). Still, every tentative step forward has been amazingly rewarding and I can't wait to see what the future holds.
Odds are my family won't ever read this, but I wanted to brag a little bit about how fantastic they have been about this. I also wanted to thank everyone here at Susan's place. I've spent a while just looking over forums and reading posts, which have answered many questions and boosted my confidence greatly (Especially the before and after thread, you all look so beautiful!) Sunday my mom sister and I are going out to get our hair done, I felt I wanted to try something a bit more androgynous, that could be styled male or female depending on how I'm presenting. Hopefully I'll have enough courage to post a before and after of how it turns out, (I haven't shaved fully yet so hopefully it'll be a pretty noticeable change >_<).
Again, thank you all, this is a wonderful place and I wish the best for all of you. May susan's place last forever as a bastion of hope for all those who need a home away from home. ^_^
