My parents got divorced about two years ago. The both of them (especially my mother) have always been emotionally abusive towards me, while they always spoiled my brother. They would always find something, ANYTHING about me and taunt me endlessly about it. So when my mother overheard me telling our roommate that I was planning on identifying as a male, she flipped out. She called everyone she knew and told them I wanted to have a penis sown onto me. She called me sexist for not wanting to be female. My father looked me straight in the eye and said I was hurting our family because of my "wanting to become a boy." Things have calmed down a bit now, but my parents still refuse to really accept me. My father calls me by my birth name, and my mother alternates between calling me by my birth name and by "Nick" (my middle name is "Nicole"). They both refuse to call me by my desired name, "Lucas". When I asked my mother to call me Lucas, she started dancing and singing "you have a new name every day!" My mother pouted and glared at me the entire time I was getting my hair cut to be more masculine. She even started crying near the end of it. Today she told me that it's hard to look at me because I no longer look feminine. She acts as if the old me is dead and that I'm a stranger. At one point, she even said "my daughter is dead." I really want to identify as male, but my parents are making me doubt myself. I have social anxiety and depression. When we go out in public, my parents still call me by my birth name and refer to me as a female. When this happens, I feel like I'm going to vomit and I start to tear up. I love my brother to death, but even he still calls me by my birth name. He pretends that I never said I wished to be identified as male. I don't know what to do at this point. Every time I do anything, I can hear the words of my parents bouncing around my head. The worst part is that I'm not even sure if it's really abuse or not. My mother keeps telling me that I'm going to get murdered for being trans. Yesterday she looked me dead in the eye and told me that I wasn't a boy. She said being trans was unnatural. She said I'd always be a girl, and that I was just "butch." My mother outs me to everyone she talks to. What should I do? Should I continue to identify as male, or should I wait? Sorry, that was a stupid question. I have to stand by my decision and defend my gender identity. However, I don't think I can handle any more taunting and jeering and mocking. It's gotten to the point where I can't bring myself to leave the house. When I think about leaving, I feel like I'm going to vomit and I break down crying. I don't even know what question to ask here, but I know one needs to be asked, So I'll leave off with a broad question: What should I do? (Sorry for the lack of paragraphs and the random spew of ideas, I'm just writing as I think)
