I feel odd in the trans community. Of all the trans girls I know I'm the only one who still dresses and acts boyish. I hate make-up, I don't like dresses, I wear boy clothes at the expense of passing for now, I love my hair short like it is now, I still do a lot of stereotypical guy things. All the other trans girls I know are rather feminine and it gets hard to relate at times. I feel out of place when talking with the girls because I can't relate and it is a lot worse with he guys. I feel lost within my own trans space.

Well if it helps, I'm exactly the same and also feel out of place in the trans world! You're not alone!

Are you on HRT? If so, how long.

BTW not all women are ultra feminine. Thats just presentation, means nothing.

Hair and nails are fun but you look good, a little androgenous I would say and if your happy then thats all that matters.

I customize cars, its a hobby, not exactly a girl thing.

Do you question yourself about being trans? It sounds to me like you are between worlds because you are unsure of really what you are or want to be. There is no reason to label yourself this early in life or really ever. Baby, just live for now. Do what you want to do, dress like you want to dress and do the things you like. Being trans does not mean you have to adhere to any activity or not do certain things. There is no code to follow or risk losing your trans card. Have fun with your life, learn all you can and see all you want to. Please also stop comparing yourself to others who identify as trans and act or dress differently. They have their lives and beliefs and you should as well. 

Oh and hun, being trans doesnt mean just male or female. There are lots, especially younger people who identify as gender queer. Just saying you can question your gender but that does not mean the right thing for you is to be female. Lots of choices, you will come to know where you belog.

Everybody is different and that's ok. What I have seen in my local trans community though is that a lot of girls have a HUGE issue with others not trying or really putting any effort into passing. I have no qualms whether or not a person wants to pass 100% and does everything under the sun to do so or put 0% effort into it. If that's what they want to do then that's what they are going to do and it in no way has any effect on my transition.

Me personally I like to wear makeup, I wish I could keep my nails long but I do like playing the guitar so I'm stuck with short nails if I still want to play, I like wearing girly stuff too.

I know I'm horrible with labels and it's been almost 16 months since I came out and a year and a week since I started hrt. I love the physical changes and how I'm essentially presenting as I like. I'm in a very happy place in my transition but I feel at a bit of loss with my trans friends. As I know and have experience gender is very fluid and not rigid. It's just at times I feel awkward with other girls really. And I do have a problem that I am socially awkward and tend to fixate a lot.

<strong opinion augmented by wine>
Protip: trans friends might not be where you want to look for camaraderie. Just because we're opposite sexed in the body/brain doesn't mean that we have all that much in common other than that. There are things that we can support each other through whether we are similar or not but, really, most of the time I don't associate with 'trans' peeps much outside of support settings simply because there's just not that much in common.

Trans is a condition, not a social group.
</strong opinion augmented by wine>

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on January 11, 2014, 11:08:21 PM
<strong opinion augmented by wine>
Protip: trans friends might not be where you want to look for camaraderie. Just because we're opposite sexed in the body/brain doesn't mean that we have all that much in common other than that. There are things that we can support each other through whether we are similar or not but, really, most of the time I don't associate with 'trans' peeps much outside of support settings simply because there's just not that much in common.

Trans is a condition, not a social group.
</strong opinion augmented by wine>

Share the Vino Sister, that was good advice. Hey everybody, party at Victoria's! *giggle*

I do have a few friends from group and some from school also. Honestly if I didn't meet anyone from group I would be horribly lonely as asides from my best friend who lives in the city during the semester and my other one who goes to school eight hours a day I wouldn't have anyone really. I did manage to connect with the few people I get along with.

Hmmm... if getting along with people is a problem for you, I will put forth that a bit of your problem might be... well... you.

Harsh advice, sure, but I had a lot of the same problems when I was younger. You know what the problem was? Me. Lots of me wanting to find something in people that I could 'relate' to and so, I found myself lonely. Try adjusting what it is that you're looking for in friendships. Try joining a group/club/social club/whatthehellever that focuses on something that you're interested in or want to see if you *are* interested in.

A lot of the time, we're our own worst enemies when it comes to this stuff. Our social anxiety holds us back from exploring life and everything that it has to give. Go out. Do things. Explore things. If you don't, you'll only have yourself to blame.

P.S. - Be brave, girl. Open up and say what you think and learn how to do that without pissing everyone off. Be honest, outwardly looking, and brave in your outlook. You'll find that life sucks way, way less like that.

Quote from: Riley Skye on January 11, 2014, 10:36:12 PM
I feel odd in the trans community. Of all the trans girls I know I'm the only one who still dresses and acts boyish. I hate make-up, I don't like dresses, I wear boy clothes at the expense of passing for now, I love my hair short like it is now, I still do a lot of stereotypical guy things. All the other trans girls I know are rather feminine and it gets hard to relate at times. I feel out of place when talking with the girls because I can't relate and it is a lot worse with he guys. I feel lost within my own trans space.

Sounds like a lot of cis-women I've known...

Umm..I more than likely am on the autism spectrum, my psychiatric is currently testing me to make a diagnosis. It is very hard for me to socialize and make friends. I do try to go out and join clubs or running teams but I end up leaving a lot of the time because of social problems. I find it hard to stay because I feel and get very awkward with people and at times annoy or upset them without even knowing what I did. I finally found some people who I've managed to get along with after I had to leave my old group of friends. It took me over a year at school and half a year in group to actually open up to them. Right now I don't want to be alone and I don't know where else I can go as of this moment. And these are people who have been really awesome to me.

im a tomboy so i get it. im worried about how it will go in therapy and the rlt crap. but whatever will be will be i guess.

i also get the social retardation is. ive long thought im autistic. ( and im not the only one who agrees) primarily for the social issues that you describe. its an incredible feeling when you find people who are cool with your social ineptitude and can communicate with you but i still have a lot of anxiety when communicating. youll get there. nothing to worry about. seems youre already halfway there as it is.

Readily having a wide circle of friends does not come easily for everyone. At your age I was very quiet and almost anti social. So you may be one of those people who has to work a little at it.

You have just barely started HRT. Give it a year or two. It changes people in a lot of ways, unpredictably, but it can definetly effect your attitudes towards sexuality and socializing. It did that for me.

My one trans friend in real life is mildly autistic. She doesnt have a lot of friends, socially inept and on the odd side. But those who took the time have found a genuine person and so the friends she has are good ones.

When it comes to trans women your age there is definetly a segment who place a high priority on looks. Not just passing, but on beauty. They are often quite judgemental and reluctat to socialize with those who dont pass well. Girls can be like that.

I know what it's like to be socially awkward.  I've always been shy and it's plagued me for most of my life.  All I can say is just be you.  People come from different backgrounds and all have various persona.  At the end of the day, homogeneity isn't a requirement for any community or bond like a friendship.  You don't need to be one thing or another to fit into a group.  So, I really wouldn't feel bad about being more "masculine" in some of your interests and behavior.  It's not a big deal.  After all, the whole point of transitioning is to be genuine and happy with yourself.

And for what it's worth, I always feel like an outsider in larger groups of women.  Because most see me as a "gay guy"  I'm usually tolerated or somewhat accepted, but there is an acknowledgement that I'm not the same.  As for groups of men, well, yeah that never worked, lol.  I really haven't been around a large group of transwomen, but I'd imagine I'd feel the same way that I do with cisgirls.  From my experience, there usually is a big age gap between me and the transgirls that I know which can alter how much you connect with someone.  I can relate with people that are older than me to a degree, but our experiences and the circumstances of our transition are a bit different.  I'll never be able to relate to having a wife, kids, etc.  that's one of the reasons that I've always felt a tad alone in the trans community.   If anything the people I relate most with are cisgirls my own age, but again there is always a division there as well because I'm tolerated but not fully allowed into the female camp.  In any case, I don't mind being a unique snowflake nd blending into crowds even if I'm not a total fit. 

If I was to hang out at the community center as a trans woman I'd feel pretty lonesome. Their interest are not my interests. You can only talk about make up and clothes and breast augmentation for so many days in a row. I live my own live .I 'm transitioning and Using Susan's place for information and support. It's different for me because I'm older and have had experiences with social things in the past . Personally I'm basically a loner . I have a hobby  that keeps me quite  stimulated mentally. I spend all my time in coffee houses on the internet or working on my projects. I meet people in the coffee shops so I am social. I liked to have a companion ,but I don't, but the possibility is always possible. Basically I do what I want without regards how others see me because my life is mine not theirs.

Quote from: Riley Skye on January 11, 2014, 10:36:12 PM
I feel odd in the trans community. Of all the trans girls I know I'm the only one who still dresses and acts boyish. I hate make-up, I don't like dresses, I wear boy clothes at the expense of passing for now, I love my hair short like it is now, I still do a lot of stereotypical guy things. All the other trans girls I know are rather feminine and it gets hard to relate at times. I feel out of place when talking with the girls because I can't relate and it is a lot worse with he guys. I feel lost within my own trans space.

Do not compare your journey to others .yours is your own .That said look around find what makes you smile on inside and stay with that coarse and enjoy .I believe rest of us girls feel out place a times too so your not ALONE .In normal world everybody is different ( what is normal .there is no such thing!) Troi.

Agreed. That's why I'd love to be friends with a select few trans folk that have shared interests so we could talk about other things than just transitioning. I'm not a fan of forums and chat rooms.

I'm learning that not everyone is the same at all. I just want to be able to reach out to people and have friends for once who aren't being subtly transphobic or ablest. With the previous group I had they always made fun of me for perceived stupidity and despite them saying they cared it hurt because I always got the brunt of it. I also was never fully accepted as myself either but I guess it was because of gross ignorances. I honestly just don't want to be lonely like I've ended up so many times before.