So guys as some of you know , today I went out girl mode with my best male and female friend ( its like the 6th time I have gone out as myself )
anyway my friends treat me as a girl ,especially my girlfriend we talk about girly stuff and she is awesome and understanding,,,and she says im cute and grabs my cheeks 

Anyway thats not what I wanted to talk about  , I wanted to talk about passing...

So first of all ,
I apparently can get the though of passing out of my head...like its stuck there and I cant think about anything else...
if I walk down the street and someone looks at me I immediatly think that he is clocking me...
Ive noticed that girls look at me more than guys...maybe there able to tell better?or do girls just do that? look at other girls that is...
anyway I m sure I didnt get that many looks , but they were enough to upset me...especially one or two girls who would just look at me and do nothing else 
anyway , really I dont know what to do , I keep staring other people only to see if they are staring at me...and I feel really insecure about it even though I hate to admit it...

Also my voice pretty much doesnt make things better , actually I was returning home with my friend talking to her and suddently a guy comes from behind checks my face for like a millisecond and goes eeer I dont know how to say it in english he said "tche" you know...
anyway he seemed like a really big douchebag anyways , so I didnt let it get to me...anyway , I guess I ll have to practice my voice ,,,

Then we seperated with my friends and I had to take the metro alone , I was pretty upset about what happened before but for some reason now that I was alone I didnt noticed stares...still , the thought of passing was the only thing I was thinking...

Anyway , I left the metro and headed home , even though nothing really bad happened and the meeting with my friends was awesome I was upset , really upset...
But hell,,,something happened that made me better, there was a normal guy with his dogs , I stepped aside to let him pass, then he stepped aside and said to his dogs " step aside so the lady can pass"...really ...->-bleeped-<- me...I almost felt my self falling in the dark again but suddently I was a lady ,at least for someone...almost cried...after that  I walked home proudly...
Why do I need to hear that so much? Why do I seek approval from strangers even though I realise it means nothing?
Hell for all I know I might be a paranoid freak...
I realise that being only one month on hormones it will be only natural to not pass 100%...yet even if I realise that...still I cant get it out of my head, i just cant...

Anyway , today was another special day that I wont forget soon...
Im just so happy to have such accepting friends who are able to speak with me with female pronouns even though im still early on my transition...and they didnt even seem to do it unnatural 
Even if Im insecure and get easily upset , im happy that I was able to go to a coffee shop as a normal girl ( kinda ) and have fun .


Btw guys , btw  i think I saw not one but two trans girls
One was there with her dad , she was wearing male clothes but it was obvious that she was  transitioning,at least thats what I though...
and the other one was there with two guys she was quite tall and had awesome long black hair , was propably 24-25 yearls old
and she was sooooo beautiful I just felt like walking to her table to tell her how beautiful she is,,,too insecure to do it...I just kept looking at her 
for all i know I could be terrible wrong and these two people might have nothing to do with being trans...but I like to think that there are more of us just there , it just gives me courage

Thanks for taking the time to read this

Hi baby! women look at other women because that's what they do, size up the competition or they could be looking at what you are wearing because they like it. Women are critical of each other. As far as passing, you will get comfortable with time. As more time goes by daily life will intrude until one day you realize you had not thought about it. It just takes a while. I am not full time yet, but I did move up to part time a little earlier than I planned. Why? I got tired of obsessing about it and just did it. Confidence in yourself enables you to pass no matter what you look like. It will come to you and some day you might tell a new girl just what I told you. It's a circle baby, hold on tight.

as they say practice, practice and practice

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 12, 2014, 03:37:45 PM
Hi baby! women look at other women because that's what they do, size up the competition or they could be looking at what you are wearing because they like it. Women are critical of each other. As far as passing, you will get comfortable with time. As more time goes by daily life will intrude until one day you realize you had not thought about it. It just takes a while. I am not full time yet, but I did move up to part time a little earlier than I planned. Why? I got tired of obsessing about it and just did it. Confidence in yourself enables you to pass no matter what you look like. It will come to you and some day you might tell a new girl just what I told you. It's a circle baby, hold on tight.

Thanks Jessica 
To be honest I didnt know about girls being critical of each other,,,too naive maybe I was... anyway I ll always admire other girls and never be critical... unless we are talking about b*tches ,,,too bad but they are out there too  XD
Anyway I started part time sooner than planned too, cause I too was thinking about it a lot and was tired of looking like a total guy...
anyway I wont give up thanks , I ll try to be more confident

Quote from: stephaniec on January 12, 2014, 03:40:28 PM
as they say practice, practice and practice

Ok im sure I need to practice my voice and my posture a little...my friend told me that my posture wasnt feminine nor masculine...go figure ...lol
could it be that you have any specific tips??

Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 12, 2014, 03:55:44 PM
Thanks Jessica 
To be honest I didnt know about girls being critical of each other,,,too naive maybe I was... anyway I ll always admire other girls and never be critical... unless we are talking about b*tches ,,,too bad but they are out there too  XD
Anyway I started part time sooner than planned too, cause I too was thinking about it a lot and was tired of looking like a total guy...
anyway I wont give up thanks , I ll try to be more confident

Ok im sure I need to practice my voice and my posture a little...my friend told me that my posture wasnt feminine nor masculine...go figure ...lol
could it be that you have any specific tips??

I don't have any tips. I'm taking my time with the voice. I practice when I ask for things in store or a check out . I just try a slightly higher octave. Nothing extreme than slowly try a tiny bit higher almost like trying to sing

Thanks for the post.  It's always nice to read inspiring posts about someone's early experiences going out.

One thing I would say is that people look at people.  It's not always that they will be guessing you.  One thing I've learned from being around enough women in my life is that girls will look at other girls.  Often it's to see what the other one is wearing or to compare or judge.  It happens all the time, so don't take that as a sign that they detected you because you may very well have passed.   

Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 12, 2014, 03:29:12 PMif I walk down the street and someone looks at me I immediatly think that he is clocking me...
Ive noticed that girls look at me more than guys...maybe there able to tell better?or do girls just do that? look at other girls that is...

I'm willing to bet people look at you because you're smoking hot.

Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 12, 2014, 03:29:12 PMWhy do I need to hear that so much? Why do I seek approval from strangers even though I realise it means nothing?

Validation probably and I'm guessing a wish to be seen as who you are and a fear that you aren't. That's what bothers me. Or did. I feel better about it now.

I'm glad you have supportive friends and that you had a special day. I hope you have many good days in the future.

Hi FalsePrincess

That sounds like a really nice time out. And you had such a range of experiences along the way!  That sounds like real life

No seriously, going out in guy mode is just the same: some people look at you, some people ignore you, some people are interested, some people can't understand why you chose those shoes...

I'm only part time and I usually only get out once a week, maybe twice, but I pass some of the time and don't most of the time. I don't worry about it as much as I used to but I still look at people's faces like you to see if I'm passing.

I think when I can forget about trying to pass, I relax and my expression becomes relaxed and my spine takes on an s-shaped curve and my arms hang relaxed and I just move differently because I'm letting the female me out.

It sure helps having friends like that to god out with. You're very lucky to have such supportive friends: be god to them!

I call that a success. You may be insecure, but just so you know, girls check out girls just as much as guys. Something like scoping out the competition.
Congrats on your first day, love. From here on it should get easier. Of course youre further along than me so i dont know a thing basically. But still. Im happy things worked out.

Quote from: learningtolive on January 12, 2014, 05:32:23 PM
Thanks for the post.  It's always nice to read inspiring posts about someone's early experiences going out.

One thing I would say is that people look at people.  It's not always that they will be guessing you.  One thing I've learned from being around enough women in my life is that girls will look at other girls.  Often it's to see what the other one is wearing or to compare or judge.  It happens all the time, so don't take that as a sign that they detected you because you may very well have passed.   

thanks , I know you guys like that stuff 
hhhm yeah you are propably right about that thanks ill try thinking about the comparing judging when a girl looks at me,,,still im pretty sure a few were able to tell...hmpf clever girls haha

Quote from: Edge on January 12, 2014, 05:54:40 PM
I'm willing to bet people look at you because you're smoking hot.
Validation probably and I'm guessing a wish to be seen as who you are and a fear that you aren't. That's what bothers me. Or did. I feel better about it now.

I'm glad you have supportive friends and that you had a special day. I hope you have many good days in the future.

haha I wonder about that 
glad you feel better about it , I guess I still need some validation , I cant help it I ve been living as a guy for 18 years,,,basically Ive been living a lie as most here would say , so I guess I kinda need this,,,would be fun if I were with a stranger speaking and saying "hey, why arent you calling me a lady?" lol
thanks I hope in the future I ll be able to go out without being concerned about passing...

Quote from: Joan on January 12, 2014, 06:31:07 PM
Hi FalsePrincess

That sounds like a really nice time out. And you had such a range of experiences along the way!  That sounds like real life

No seriously, going out in guy mode is just the same: some people look at you, some people ignore you, some people are interested, some people can't understand why you chose those shoes...

I'm only part time and I usually only get out once a week, maybe twice, but I pass some of the time and don't most of the time. I don't worry about it as much as I used to but I still look at people's faces like you to see if I'm passing.

I think when I can forget about trying to pass, I relax and my expression becomes relaxed and my spine takes on an s-shaped curve and my arms hang relaxed and I just move differently because I'm letting the female me out.

It sure helps having friends like that to god out with. You're very lucky to have such supportive friends: be god to them!

Thanks ,
basically yeah you know, being out as a guy for me its basically the same , I get stares cause I look feminine,,,lol,,,but no its as you said some will look some wont etc actually even though it disturbs me when I get looks I say to myself "hey at least you can walk around doing your thing and people wont mind"...kinda...
oh and I also noticed that , when I wasnt thinking about passing I was a lot more relaxed...guess I need to work on that
oh also let me not forget , since you said it...I will be a god to my friends!! haha  typo ?
yeah I ll be good to them , I really apreciate what they are doing for me

Quote from: Emo on January 12, 2014, 06:49:20 PM
I call that a success. You may be insecure, but just so you know, girls check out girls just as much as guys. Something like scoping out the competition.
Congrats on your first day, love. From here on it should get easier. Of course youre further along than me so i dont know a thing basically. But still. Im happy things worked out.

thanks
it wasnt my first day 
the first time I went out was when I escorted my friend to the metro ( like 10 min  walk in the dark  had to be august I think...) lol
since then it has got easier of course...I hope it get even more easy

@princess
Well first during the day. Lol.
Good for you anyways.

Ps. You need a uname change. Youre not false at all.

Quote from: Emo on January 12, 2014, 07:46:43 PM
@princess
Well first during the day. Lol.
Good for you anyways.

Ps. You need a uname change. Youre not false at all.

Well Its not the first during the day neither 


Thanks )
Though I ll be keeping it I like the sound of it XD
besides even if im a real girl I aint no princess XD yet that is!

@princess
Oh no!
The pic failed! D':

I think youre a princess.

Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 12, 2014, 07:43:46 PM

oh also let me not forget , since you said it...I will be a god to my friends!! haha  typo ?
yeah I ll be good to them , I really apreciate what they are doing for me

I typed this on my phone and auto correct always changes 'go' to 'god' in every situation.  I sometimes ponder what it is trying to tell me