How to Know if Your Date is Transgendered

Edited by Richard, Rob S, Tom Viren, Brandywine and 34 others

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-Your-Date-is-Transgendered

Although some people are open about being transgender, others consider this to be private information and want to know that they can trust you before sharing intimate details. If you feel this may be the case with your date and would like to find out politely and discretely, follow these steps.

Edit Steps

    1
    Be courteous and don't make accusations regarding their sex. Trans people who keep their physical transition to themselves when meeting new people usually do so out of self-preservation, not deception. If you go on the offensive act like you're sniffing out an enemy spy, your date is more likely to shut down – whether cisgender or transgender. Instead, make your date feel safe enough to tell you about his or her past if necessary. (And since this is dating 101, it will also improve your dating experience.)
    2
    Look for a constellation of physical attributes. People's bodies are incredibly diverse and a single physical characteristic won't say much about a person one way or the other. Moreover, genital reconstructive surgery has come such a long way that many who undergo it (not all trans people do) are indistinguishable from those who haven't. However, noticing a strong pattern of physical attributes may suggest that your date was assigned a sex at birth that he or she does not identify with. If you feel that you can pull this off without making your date feel like you're either ogling them or scanning them for data, try the following:

OMG! Words Fail!

Did I really just read that? 

I want to start an article how do you know you date is cis!

Quote from: kelly_aus on January 14, 2014, 07:09:30 AM
Did I really just read that? 

Yeah, you did just read that. It's been out for a while now.

... I hate to tell 'em this, but I like to wear scarves (Not so much to hide my adam's apple which really isn't that noticeable compared to many, but to cover scarring on my neck), I have female digit ratio proportioned finger tips, and because I saw this article if I ever wind up dating someone I'm now letting them go up steps first. Going by this my foot size might give me away, but since I'm rather short (5'6) that may not be as noticeable.

But you know what comes to mind most? I'm willing to bet this article is going to ruin a night out for a lot of cisgender women out there ... Right after they dump some poor guy who saw this wiki how article.

I compleatly agree. A lot of ciswomen out there are having very lousy dates because of this. I know my Adams apple is next to nil, my finger ratio is that of a ciswoman, and I have become a master at walking in a feminine manner. Even up the steps...
However I would not feel right if the other person was looking for clues like they would have to to follow this article.

Given the fact that people m and f, have the right to whom they choose to enter a relationship with....they're in fact entitled to that...and for cis people having a child wish....I think this site is pretty respectful to cis and T people.

QuoteDon't be a prude. If dating a transgender person doesn't interest you, that's fine, but it doesn't entitle you to look down on them or anyone who would want to be with them. Human sexuality is extremely fluid and many people will happily explore a relationship with a transgender person. In fact, some people actively seek them out.

No condemnation, no prejudice, just plain, realistic honesty.

Well to be honest if your date is checking you out as to whether you are cis or trans, why are you going out with him?

The "How to Know if Your Date is" concept is utterly offensive. No one would have battered an eyelid to How to Know if Your Date is a Jew, in Nazi Germany. So why should we be offended by this, heh? Getting a ruler out and sneaking a look at Phrenology for Dummies will get you as far as those stereotypical 'trans' traits listed, which make me giggle. Which for me are more like putting them off the 'scent'.

I hope no one asks my cisfriend if she's trans due to her digit ratio. >.>

This is about as helpful as the wiki article... 'How to Know if Your Date is Extraterrestrial."

OK, opening myself up for flames here, but I LIKED the article, aside from the ridiculousness about digit ratio.

First of all, posting information about how to tell if someone is trans is not transphobic. It's merely informational. Could be misused in some contexts, but I don't think merely posting the information is an act of transphobia.

I also liked:
* It does NOT tell people not to date us. In fact it specifically mentions "making an informed decision" about continuing to see us.
* It points out how difficult a situation this is for US. We have done a terrible job as a community getting people to see this. We could use all the help we can get.
* It also points out that it is our information to tell as we see fit and that others are not entitled to know.
* Ends with "If you aren't sure what to do next, learn how to respect a transgender person. If necessary, learn to deal with your transphobia. " Enough said.

Sorry to go against the current. Not likely to make me a popular person around here. Please bear in mind that I am going through EXACTLY this in my personal life. I've put myself out there in the dating scene had have gotten exactly zero interest.

I have seen this (and several other web sites with similar info) before.  This is absurd.  For every typically male physical attribute you can name I can show you a genetic woman who has it just as bad, and sometimes even worse.

What amazes me is how many trans women I meet who regard this as gospel and fret about the length of their fingers or the size of their feet. 

* sigh *

As if there weren't more important issues to worry about.

QuoteOK, opening myself up for flames here, but I LIKED the article, aside from the ridiculousness about digit ratio.

In a way, it does seem to stress the attitude one shouldn't fly off the handle and harm someone when they learn they've dated a transgender individual, that's a positive. It didn't seem to be a 'snark' piece either.

I just found their clues to be funny, a bit naïve. "Walk behind them when going up stairs"? I do that anyway, not checking if I'm with a transgender woman though...

This is just me, but when I date women, if I can't tell you're anything but a woman, I just don't care. 

Bad reactions one may have I think are usually based on homophobia rather than transphobia. I think a more serious piece would counsel potential homophobes to not get their chewin' tobacco in a wade. 

I wish there would be a similar article....TBH....for MTF who are only into masculine men such as 'How to Know If Your Manly, Masculine Date is a secretive, closeted cd, tv, tg or even pre TS'

Finding out (too late) your manly, masculine date turns  out to be a tv, cd etc is a very unpleasant surprise when you're into masculine men only.
Plus the knowledge that's it's not about you,  but about what you are.

Same thing goes for ciswomen as well by the way...'How to Know If Your Straight Date is a Future Lesbian Transsexual'

That would save those ciswomen a lot of future trouble, an inflicted ID crisis, a broken heart, disappointment etc etc.

Quote from: Cindy on January 14, 2014, 08:28:57 AM
Well to be honest if your date is checking you out as to whether you are cis or trans, why are you going out with him?

Because he has a specific preference for ciswomen and is completely entitled to have a preference like that.

Quote from: Dahlia on January 14, 2014, 02:08:38 PM
Because he has a specific preference for ciswomen and is completely entitled to have a preference like that.

it would still be rude, you know. besides being in a relationship with a transwoman or a ciswoman, what's the deal? If he loves her it shouldn't matter.

My two cents,

Zoot "Guybrush" Threepwood (TM), who is out of place on this part of the board but insists on giving his opinion.

Quote from: Dahlia on January 14, 2014, 02:03:49 PM
I wish there would be a similar article....TBH....for MTF who are only into masculine men such as 'How to Know If Your Manly, Masculine Date is a secretive, closeted cd, tv, tg or even pre TS'

Finding out (too late) your manly, masculine date turns  out to be a tv, cd etc is a very unpleasant surprise when you're into masculine men only.
Plus the knowledge that's it's not about you,  but about what you are.

Same thing goes for ciswomen as well by the way...'How to Know If Your Straight Date is a Future Lesbian Transsexual'

That would save those ciswomen a lot of future trouble, an inflicted ID crisis, a broken heart, disappointment etc etc.

I suppose you just need to dig deep into their closets................ literally. 

That's about the only way, they're just typical normal guys.

Quote from: Dahlia on January 14, 2014, 02:08:38 PM
Because he has a specific preference for ciswomen and is completely entitled to have a preference like that.

Huh ... what?  What does that mean?  Is he a geneticist who wants to look at your chromosomes?  Is he an anthropologist who's doing research on your female socialization?  Or is he just a closet homophobe who can't bear the idea of being with anyone who once had a penis?

Quote from: Michelle-G on January 14, 2014, 02:51:25 PM
Huh ... what?  What does that mean?  Is he a geneticist who wants to look at your chromosomes?  Is he an anthropologist who's doing research on your female socialization?  Or is he just a closet homophobe who can't bear the idea of being with anyone who once had a penis?

How about a 100% heterosexual guy who's into ciswomen only? Who's not necessarily 'homophobe' because of his natural sexual preference?
Who might have a childwish with a ciswoman?

Calling someone like that a 'closet homophobe' is.....heterophobe.

I agree with Suzi...I think the article does have some strengths. But the whole "constellation of physical features" crap...doesn't really do much good. I used to see people and wonder if they were trans because they had a certain set of features, and then, it turned out, they weren't. So I've come to realize that you can never know, even if you think you know what features to look for.

But honestly, I'm at the point where if my current interest doesn't work out, I'm not going to date. I'd rather be alone than have people wondering if I'm trans on a date.