Just a quick question for those of you who are in the process of transitioning or who have transitioned: did you find that once you dipped a toe in the water, you had to go for a swim?  In other words, once you open the door to transitioning, are you just about certain to walk through it?

Er, let me try that again without using a metaphor - does some transitioning lead to lots of transitioning, and in some cases does it lead to more transitioning that you really planned on doing when you first set out?

I came out to friends and close family without any set plans about when I was going to transition. I felt pressured to transition when I did because everybody expected me to. Once I started my transition the same people who pressured me to transition walked away. Go figure.

I didn't know there was such thing as part time when I first transitioned, but I don't regret going full time. Once I told people, there was no going back for me. Would I have transitioned a little bit later on if I was to do it again? Probably. I would have given it a lot more thought. I feel like my transition was very sudden and rushed. I don't regret transitioning, but I do wish that I would have done it differently.

To answer your question, yes, once I dipped my toe in the water I instantly fell into the deep end. I don't regret it and I am still learning from my mistakes. Sometimes I drift away from the shore from time to time and the water gets rough, but it almost always settles back again.

Transition is about healing by finding your way to your place on the gender spectrum. How far you go or how deeply you dive in (keeping the aquatic metaphor) is predicated upon where you need to get to.

Well, it was for me. I actually started HRT as a "test." I had seen the videos on what it could do, read the reports, and the emotions that trans-girls described after going on hormones just rung so true to me... they felt like that was what I had been missing my entire life since puberty. And every single account of how to tell if you're trans or not seemed to point toward me indeed being trans.

So I decided that I was going to tentatively pursue a potential transition, see if I liked what the hormones did for me, and I figured that if I didn't like it, I could just stop them, no harm done as long as it was within the first month or two. So I started a one-month "hormone trial."

They completely blew my mind. They obliterated the mental fog that I had been feeling for my entire adult life.

So now I knew I was going to stay on them. Then the question was, did I really want to do a full transition? Because I still had a LOT of reservations about that. Well, that question was answered when I finally bought female clothes for the first time, bought wigs, and as hormones slowly did their thing, for the first time ever I looked in the mirror and saw a girl looking back at me. It was the single happiest moment of my entire life.

And so I decided to go legit... went to a therapist, got my official letter for HRT, got off of the internet-pharmacy stuff and started under official medical supervision with therapy and the whole nine yards. Started going out as a girl in public now and then, working on my voice rigorously, dieting, and everything else that I believed I needed to do to succeed.

The more and more I've gone out, the more and more people I've come out as trans to, the more and more friends I've made, the more and more often that I've seen a girl in the mirror instead of a guy, the longer and longer I've been on hormones, and the more I've had time to genuinely confront my gender identity after running from it for so long, the more repressed memories keep coming back up. The more I remember how bad my gender issues were before I went into denial. The more I realize just how much repressing them has hurt me over the years. The more I'm noticing my true self come out more and more now. And the more I'm feeling at peace with my body every single day.

Go figure. That's one person's story at least. IMO, when it's right for you, you'll know it. Everything just kind of clicks.

Let's just say my first day of being Part Time lasted all of about two minutes. I went from 4 months of HRT to Full Time and have not looked back. My plan was be on HRT 6 months then present occasionally, 12 months HRT and then Part Time and 18 months HRT to Full Time. I dressed once to go to the therapist and found once I got home I had such a great day and no one screamed transgender dude that I could never become "him" again. I wake up smiling every day now. They are not kidding when they say if you let Pandora out things are never the same! Being the real you is very addictive, one skirt and you are hooked forever! *giggles* I must say, the best part of it was purging "his" clothes and not mine!!!!

I don't know that jumped in. I took everything in steps. Therapy, coming out to a select group, hormones and then after a while I was just... Living as a guy. I think for me it was gradual. It's a personal journey and everyone takes it at different speeds. Just make sure that you are happy with the speed and I doubt you'll find yourself in the deep end too quickly.

I know I could never go back. Before I came out or started anything, I probably could have tormented myself and made myself live as female. But once the door was open, I just won't go back. I also let my family refer to me however they wanted for a long time, but I did reach a point where my living entirely as male became absolutely non-negotiable.

My journey was a one way trip. I was out to right a wrong and correct a horrible mistake I was forced to live with. That meant if I had to burn bridges, I burned them. I had lived long enough in this world with an expectation that was slowly killing me. It wasn't so much of a slippery slope as it was slamming a door in my previous life and opening a door into a new one.

I wasn't toying around or playing dress up in the closet. I was there to change my sex and be done with it.

I would imagine it depends on the person. Some people simply switch gender roles and are happy with that, some people need HRT and some people need to go 'all the way'; there are also many shades of grey, the three possibilities I mentioned are a simplification. For me it's less a 'slippery slope' and more of a 'crumbled cliff-edge'.

-Triss

Quote from: __________ on January 15, 2014, 07:20:07 PM
Just a quick question for those of you who are in the process of transitioning or who have transitioned: did you find that once you dipped a toe in the water, you had to go for a swim?  In other words, once you open the door to transitioning, are you just about certain to walk through it?

Er, let me try that again without using a metaphor - does some transitioning lead to lots of transitioning, and in some cases does it lead to more transitioning that you really planned on doing when you first set out?

Yes.

When I started presenting in public I hadn't even yet had the idea that I wanted HRT. Once I started part time, I realized I needed more. I craved being able to go out as myself. Hormones no longer seemed such a strange idea strange.

It didn't take long before I knew I needed to go full time. Once that decision was made, then it occurred to me that I'd be eligible for SRS a year after I started. I had no intention of getting it, but now I have a surgery date.

I intended to start low dose HRT. When the Doctor confirmed my original dose request I said full dose. I originally wanted to test the waters for 3 months. After 2 months I knew I was not going to stop because I felt so good mentally. 

It was for me... but looking back, I honestly don't know if I truly believed I could get by with just dressing at home or I was so terrified of upending my life that I convinced myself I could. Anyway, that lasted about a week, before I realized I probably was going to have to publicly transition. (And all of that was easily five months before I attempted HRT.)

Slippery slope? Yes. Absolutely.

Sometimes, I feel it's been a Pandora's box.

Quote from: __________ on January 15, 2014, 07:20:07 PM
Just a quick question for those of you who are in the process of transitioning or who have transitioned: did you find that once you dipped a toe in the water, you had to go for a swim?  In other words, once you open the door to transitioning, are you just about certain to walk through it?

Er, let me try that again without using a metaphor - does some transitioning lead to lots of transitioning, and in some cases does it lead to more transitioning that you really planned on doing when you first set out?

I have never really transitioned.  I have always looked female so I have always wore female apparel. It looks right on me.  I don't seem to look bizarre to other people so it works well for me.

I knew that, good or bad, once I got the transitional ball rolling, there was no stopping it.

Quote from: __________ on January 15, 2014, 07:20:07 PM
Just a quick question for those of you who are in the process of transitioning or who have transitioned: did you find that once you dipped a toe in the water, you had to go for a swim?  In other words, once you open the door to transitioning, are you just about certain to walk through it?

Er, let me try that again without using a metaphor - does some transitioning lead to lots of transitioning, and in some cases does it lead to more transitioning that you really planned on doing when you first set out?

Hhhm thats actually kinda true for me ,,,,
before transitioning I thought srs wasnt for me,,,but now , now that I have no erections etc I really dont see a reason of not doing it...

and also I didnt plan on going out as a girl a lot until a lot of months on hormones...but now that im one month in I really cant stand my male self anymore...

kinda...I dunno...

I can't speak about transitioning itself, but I have felt the pressure to do so from somebody I came out to. After I told my ex, she has not been able to consider my transitioning as anything other than inevitable. She didn't react well to the news and we split, so perhaps she's thinking like that to help convince herself that she did the right thing by leaving. I've told her a million times now that I doubt I'll transition, but she keeps referring to transitioning as though it's not a matter of if but when. It's really irritating.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on January 15, 2014, 09:32:15 PM
Well, it was for me. I actually started HRT as a "test."

If these boards are anything to go by, HRT does seem to work well as a diagnostic tool for a lot of people.

It is like the "One Ring".... my pretty....We must have the Precioussss !!!" oh so addictive.... Gollum!

I just kept taking the paths that made me feel happiest with myself.  I tried things that worked, I tried things that clearly didn't, I took note, adjusted my bearings accordingly and kept moving forward.  I'm one to take things slowly and deliberately, so who knows where it all ends.  Anyway, here I am.  I'm Jill and that's how it will be from now on.