So, as explained in my previous post, no one in my life believes I'm who I am.
How do I live with myself in these conditions? Because I don't think I quite understand how I've lived sanely for all these years.

Hi baby! No one believed me and look at me now! I wish I could give you some of my peace of mind and you could relax. I was forced by family religious beliefs and economics to assimilate as a male for forty years. So you can do it for quite a few if you have to. When you are a legal adult and have your own income go for it. You cannot let them take away who you are inside. Even when I was getting slammed hard every day by family forcing my compliance with what they consider "normal" I never let myself die inside. I knew who I was and protected myself from the continual onslaught of conservative ideology and bigotry. There will come a day, you will know when that is, when you can show on the outside what you feel on the inside. To me in a way the things I had to endure actually made me stronger in the end. A large part of passing is confidence in yourself and the trials I endured gave me tons of confidence that I could overcome anything. You will make it baby, just never give up. Do what you have to do to survive and then when you can, become the real you. It might take a while, but you can do it.  PM me anytime if you need to talk in private.

As Jessica said keep fighting...

They didnt believed me either...I mean its normal if you think about it...
but you shouldnt give up...

I have a question for you to ask yourself.
What is actually stopping you from beginning your transition?

That was the very first question I was asked by my therapist after I told her that I am transgender and need help.

I can understand your family not believing it. That's called denial, my family suffers from it but that denial phase for my parents is in its final gasp for air as they are beginning to accept the new reality of seeing me actually happy and in a good mood when I am myself at their house. It takes time for that to happen and in most cases its how you present yourself to them. If you only dress, act ...ect male, then how can you expect others to believe you? That was the epithany I had not too long after I came out and wanted to show them the real person that I am.

Quote from: SuzyDoodle on January 15, 2014, 09:43:31 PM
So, as explained in my previous post, no one in my life believes I'm who I am.
How do I live with myself in these conditions? Because I don't think I quite understand how I've lived sanely for 16 years.

Believe me, I can relate to some degree. My position isn't so much of disbelief but my mother had an absolute FIT over it when I first tried to come out to her. It was like a portal to hell opened up in our living room.

You just gotta keep your head up, walk tall and keep telling yourself it'll get better. It may take some time and then again it may not, but it WILL get better. You just gotta keep a smile on your face and be the best you that you can be. The more faith you place in yourself the better you will feel. There will still be moments, that is a given, but you'll still have confidence in yourself and the bright future you will one day have.

Quote from: Jerred1985 on January 15, 2014, 10:05:53 PMIt was like a portal to hell opened up in our living room.

Your house had one of those also? We must be related or had the same home builder! *giggles*

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 15, 2014, 10:09:15 PM
Your house had one of those also? We must be related or had the same home builder! *giggles*

lol ya if I didn't know better I thought my mother's head was gonna do an exorcist spin

When you are young it is very hard because you can't make some very important decisions. What you can do is try to educate your parents and do anything to keep lines of communication open. Learn how to debate based on fact and tact. Debate clubs can help with this.

Keep yourself occupied in any legal way you can while preserving your health. Prepare by learning about what steps you need to take and how to take them once you can. Any feeling of progress will help alleviate the dysphoria.