I'm new on here so I figured I should say hi. I'm Brian, but online I usually go by Nemo so you can call me either. It doesn't really matter
I'm FTM transgender and I've been reading these forums for a couple years now but was always to lazy to make a profile but recently I've been getting really dysphoric and figured I should try to meet other people going through the same stuff as me. I live in a pretty small area that's generally pretty closed-minded and honestly I've never even met anyone that's trans or anything else out of the cisgender spectrum so its been really hard to deal with this stuff all on my own.
So background about me if anyone's interested... I came out as trans to my friends and my parents at the beginning of 2010 so that's...I've had some reaaalllly bad experiences with discrimination but over time things have generally gotten better for me... Kind of.
When I first told my parents I was trans, basically they just didn't believe me ('you're only 13, you don't know what you want, blah blah blah', most of the younger transgender people on here will have probably head that all before.) She knew I liked girls since I was like 10 and never minded but for whatever reason she had a huge problem with me being trans. And as for my dad he really just shut me out. Like completely. Like, he didn't say a single word to me for weeks at a time.
And my school really wasn't any better. I went to a Christian school with only like 200 students, so literally everybody knew each other. So whenever I came out to my few closest friends the 'secret' got out that I liked girls (the trans part didn't come out, I think the friends I told were just really sheltered and didn't even know what transgender was, so they just told everyone I was a lesbian). So within a week's time, the principal of the school actually called me into the office with my best friend and needed to talk about my 'inappropriate behavior.' And the long and short of that meeting was the principal telling me that either I can stop being 'lesbian' or I can get out. So I got out, told all my 'friends' that if they don't accept me then I don't need them anyway, and I switched to a public school instead of a private religious one, which was much better.
After that I finished up my 8th grade year in a public middle school still looking female, which actually went pretty well because I didn't know anyone or make any friends, so everyone just saw me as female and there were no problems. And then over that summer I cut my hair and got guys clothes and started actually identifying as male, and when I went back to school after that, everyone recognized me and noticed all my teachers calling me 'Brian' instead of 'Brianna' and it was like all hell broke lose. Like I literally could not walk through the hallway without someone either laughing at me or tripping me or pushing me and just treating me like total crap. And halfway through my freshman year of high school I actually got molested by a guy at school before class (yes, people saw, and no, no one did anything) and over the next few weeks it happened again and again by the same dude being dared by his friends to touch me and 'figure out what the hell I was.' And during all of this I was telling my parents and they didn't believe me, but finally after the 3rd time it happened I finally convinced them to let me drop out.
So I switched to online school, but because of all the stuff that happened to me I now have a really bad panic disorder. And panic attacks related to social anxiety and dysphoria really suck, in case you guys don't know. But I've been working through it, and after 4 years, my parents have FINALLY become supportive within the last few months (they 'believe me' now). They've started trying to use male pronouns and my mom even agreed to help me find a gender therapist so I can get started on T before I leave home. I'm moving to California for college this May after I graduate high school and I think that just made my parents realize I don't have much time left to spend with them like this, so I'm glad they finally stopped shutting me out. As for friends... I don't really have friends, LOL. Like, I'm anti-social to the point that it's unhealthy because people see me and make assumptions about me and it's really hard to find open-minded people where I live.
Anyways, I've been dealing with this on my own for the entirety of my transition so far and I think it would do me good to meet people on here and stop being an introvert hermit. Soooo thanks for reading you guys. Sorry it was so long
--Brian
