Kia Ora Fellow birth-sex non-conformers ,

No doubt this has been asked before (possibly by me)...

It's a "free for all" thread, open to pre-non-post trans-people...

As trans-people  we are at times prone to anxieties and fears, that relate to our somewhat unusual condition.......

So what's your greatest fear/s ?

Here's a few possibles to choose from...

1)   Being clocked
2)   Having to stop HRT (for whatever reason)
3)   Not being able to afford HRT
4)   Not being able to afford surgery
5)   Wanting surgery but fearing things could go wrong (major complications)
6)   Not finding acceptance from family members etc

You may have other major fears not necessarily the same as the above... so spill the beans.... what are they ?

Remember "It's better out than in !"


Metta Zenda

Nice thread,,,I have those fears too
but I think having to cut my hair for some reason scares me the most...

non transition related I am really afraid of grasshopers and cockroaches...all other insects are ok really...lol

Being exposed, humiliated, isolated, ignored, rejected, dehumanized and ridiculed. I fear being overwhelmed.

Being a tourist in India!

I can deal with the other stuff no problems

Not being left alone.

Sometimes I am scared that I can't see life after transition - not because transition is the be all and end all for me, but it feels like this has been going on so long that it will never end. I worry that I'll die at like 30, right after a phallo, and never get a chance to just be me in my entirety.

In regards to transition, being clocked is one of my greatest fears. I think about if I were to move somewhere and start fresh, and I'd be outed - feel tempted to move - move again, be outed again, and never find a place I can just call home.

I don't worry about affording surgery, as I feel I can save up for them, even a phalloplasty. I do worry about serious complications though.

So what's your greatest fear/s ?

1)   Being clocked - I don't care anymore as long as the clocker doesn't want to physically harm me.
2)   Having to stop HRT (for whatever reason) I don't think I could deal without the mental effects of E.  I refuse to go back to the darkness.
3)   Not being able to afford HRT Not an issue for me anymore
4)   Not being able to afford surgery Also not an issue.
5)   Wanting surgery but fearing things could go wrong (major complications).  Yes, this is an issue I need to get past.  Foremost, I would prefer to wake up afterward.
6)           Not finding acceptance from family members etc. That ship sailed 9 months ago.  I lost a drunkle who is a recovering Jehovah's Witness. BFD.

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself.  And spiders." -Dumb T-shirt I saw once.

The main one is losing my job after I come out at work. Others are moving to a state that has no protections for trans* people and having to face uneducated/religious bigots, or getting beat up or arrested for living while trans*. I can deal with everything else.

1. Being alone for the rest of my life.
2. Having something happen which forces me to depend on someone else and there's no one who cares enough to let me depend on them.
3. SRS will screw up my ability to feel sexual pleasure.
4. For health or economic reasons I will no longer be able to take hormones.
5. Disastrous SRS complications will see me in and out of surgery for a long time.
6. Losing my job.
7. Susan's Place shutting down or changing to the point of being unrecognizable.

Kia Ora,

False Evidence Appearing Real

I would think for the full time stealther being clocked would be their greatest fear...Being stealth can be liken to a two edged sword- on the one side the joy of just being/blending, and its other side the fear of exposure...

Metta Zenda

My fears have absolutely nothing to do with gender/transition, etc.

My greatest fear is going blind. The idea that I could never see anything ever again scares the hell out of me. Sure, you CAN still live a full and productive life if this does happen (Hell, I met a guy that was blind and played drums in a speed metal band. He was an amazing drummer too.) but the idea of losing my sight scares the hell out of me. I had one instance during my childhood when I came out of a VP shunt revision and I couldn't see anything at all for 5 minutes. All I could hear was the voices of the surgeons and my family members. THAT was pretty damn scary. Dying an early death due to cancer or some horrible disease is a close second. The idea that I would only have a pre-set time to live would suck away any optimism that I could try to muster in an attempt to fight back against whatever was killing me.

Quote from: Cindy on January 16, 2014, 01:01:31 AM
Being a tourist in India!

I can deal with the other stuff no problems

Because of the Ganges?

Quote from: FA on January 16, 2014, 05:09:14 PM
Because of the Ganges?

Nah the rape culture in India, a Danish tourist was the latest, gang raped when she got lost and asked for help.

I've been asked to present at a conference in India, still deciding!

Getting hurt somehow and being in pain. I'm not scared of dying so long as its quick, but pain is what I fear most.

Having to rely on someone else for my general well being, especially when I get older.

Failing, I couldn't deal with that.

That my kids won't have the same kind of opportunities in life as I've had.

1.that i will spread some sort of illness to someone. (reverse germophobia basically. apparently its relatively common)
2.misinterpretation by other people of my words leading to a misconception of who i am as a person in some drastic way.
3: similar to nikko, that the young people in my family, including my potential child(paternity test pending), will grow up in a world where they struggle to survive. where opportunities to live decently are scarce.
4: that the world will turn into a hybrid of China and Idiocracy

but ive taken a 'whatever will be will be' stance on life, and society in general. i figure the world will take care of itself.

Quote from: caleb. on January 16, 2014, 11:00:34 AM
I worry that I'll die at like 30, right after a phallo, and never get a chance to just be me in my entirety.

This ^  Also:

-Suzi's number 7

-Getting killed on the way to the operation table

-Having serious complications that results in more time and costs spent on getting it right/permenant loss of sensation

-Never being able to see the "end" of my transition process

- Being alone (no friends, family, partner, associates, etc. that I can go to for support outside of the internet).

- Never being able to afford bottom/top surgery, hormones or even just transitioning

-Getting fired from a job/ never being able to find a job

-Being "found out"

-Being beaten, raped, tortured, and murdered

-Having medical conditions that won't allow me to take hormones or get the surgeries

-Being homeless

Quote from: Malachite on January 17, 2014, 02:24:21 AM
This ^  Also:

-Suzi's number 7

-Getting killed on the way to the operation table

-Having serious complications that results in more time and costs spent on getting it right/permenant loss of sensation

-Never being able to see the "end" of my transition process

Life is transition. Not just as we normally speak of it here but all things. If we should stagnate and not transition, we no longer exist. Don't seek the end but value the journey. See the colors here and let the grey of the future stay there.

- Being alone (no friends, family, partner, associates, etc. that I can go to for support outside of the internet).

I'm there now. It really isn't a bad place to be. I like being able to control who I speak with and when. I like being able to go or not go as I choose.
Being alone is not inherently bad. Loneliness is another matter.

- Never being able to afford bottom/top surgery, hormones or even just transitioning

If you want it, you can get it; but to get it, you have to want it. Everything you do in life is a decision, and I do mean everything. If you want hormones, then choose to get them. It sounds simple and for the most part, it really is.

-Getting fired from a job/ never being able to find a job

Being fired is just a learning experience. Never is a extremely long time. Sometimes instead of finding a job, you cash in on your hobbies, interests, or obsessions. If you find a way of supporting yourself that you love to do, you will never work a day in your life.

-Being "found out" & -Being beaten, raped, tortured, and murdered

These two are one of those things that you can be miserable worrying about or you can take proper precautions and then let it be. Whether or not it ever happens, if you have done what is possible to protect yourself, then let it go.

-Having medical conditions that won't allow me to take hormones or get the surgeries

Not likely, though possible. See the above about decisions.

-Being homeless

Been there. Again, it isn't so bad. You learn who your friends are, you get motivated to get out of that situation when you are ready, you see a world few ever know exists. You find that money doesn't change the types of people there are in the world.  If it happens, learn from it, then move on.

I agree with Kat, being alone isn't really that much of a problem, it's feeling lonely that's the issue. I'd also like to add that you don't have to be alone to feel lonely, when I was younger I tended to be surrounded by people yet still felt utterly alone.

Anyway, my fears/worries:

-My province recently started covering SRS again but I'm pretty sure they don't cover anything else, like FFS (does a trach shave fall under FFS?) or BA or Voice Therapy. I might not need the BA, but I'm pretty sure I'll need FFS and I could really use Voice help.
-Hair! The front part of my head is getting really sparse and I have no idea if HRT will help with it at all!
-I kind of worry that I'll never have a good female voice. I've watched a lot of youtube videos and read a lot of 'how-to's' and I still can't figure out how to do it.
-I'm also worried that I'll never be able to walk properly due to a pinched nerve in my back that both causes pain and affects the muscles around my feet (I can't raise my feet properly).

Kia Ora,

Thanks for the responses

It would seem(judging from personal experience)my past fears were(as is often the case) unfounded...But at the time I too fell into the trap...........................

"Those who fear they shall suffer - already suffer what they fear !" 


Metta Zenda