Quote from: Malachite on January 17, 2014, 07:40:25 AM
I don't get it.   

You ended your last sentence with "I feel like such a winner"

(inb4 I was *the* only person who thought of that and Willow simply meant that you could do with some chicken haha)

Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on January 17, 2014, 08:10:19 AM(inb4 I was *the* only person who thought of that and Willow simply meant that you could do with some chicken haha)

Nope, totally meant it
Although chicken is like 93% always good.


Sockboobs make me unhappy.

Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on January 17, 2014, 08:10:19 AM
You ended your last sentence with "I feel like such a winner"

(inb4 I was *the* only person who thought of that and Willow simply meant that you could do with some chicken haha)

Oooo that makes more sense now, lol.

Quote from: Emo on January 17, 2014, 03:03:43 AM
Ive loved and lost, but now ive thrown it away. Im a monster...

My last ex threatened to kill me, used my triggers to hurt and threaten me, had episodes whenever he drank where he would get very scary, had me walking on eggshells to avoid his anger, and lied, manipulated, and threatened me into staying with him.
You're a monster?

I don't want to be capable of love. I thought I wasn't anymore and it was great. (My son doesn't count since it's a different dynamic.) And then I slipped and care about someone who can never feel the same for me. I have no idea why the ability to care about people came back, but I don't like it. No one can ever love me.

Winner winner chicken dinner...

I think i get unhappy when im sleepy...

I'm pissed off with this stupid strike.
I'm stressed out because of student loans.
I'm angry that people keep assuming things about me. Namely, that I'm stupider than I actually am.
Although maybe I am because I'm impulsive and may have said something I shouldn't have and now I'm conflicted about it. At least, I said it German (probably badly), so unless someone takes the time to translate it, no one knows what I said anyway.
I'm angry with myself for having a weakness I know causes me pain.

Quote from: Edge on January 17, 2014, 12:51:24 PM
I'm pissed off with this stupid strike.
I'm stressed out because of student loans.
I'm angry that people keep assuming things about me. Namely, that I'm stupider than I actually am.
Although maybe I am because I'm impulsive and may have said something I shouldn't have and now I'm conflicted about it. At least, I said it German (probably badly), so unless someone takes the time to translate it, no one knows what I said anyway.
I'm angry with myself for having a weakness I know causes me pain.

Don't beat up on yourself so much Edge, what about the positive things? Focus on them for awhile and things won't seem so bleak!

I'm having issues getting my college loan payments deferred...
It's $90/mo I don't have and if I can't deffer it that means I'd have to post-pone HRT until I can find a better job, which in this economy and my area... isn't going to happen.
Absolutely terrified.

My father got his provisional license and is going to take me driving tommorrow.  -hisses-

I hate living in a place where the public transportation is crap....

I despise driving....

I have a ticker that tracks the time until my consult for chest reconstruction. It's the only thing that I've got to hang on to. Going out today was hard. I was happy about a lot of things, but I couldn't get the chest or my other attributes out of my head. I truly feel stuck in between and I honestly can't shake the fear that everyone can tell I am trans and are just humouring me. I'm better off than before transition, no doubt, but I feel like the little kid again who was just about to hit puberty. Back then I thought "you were supposed to be born a guy, but you're going to have to accept being a girl because there's no way to change that." Now it's "you were supposed to be born a guy but no one will ever see you as one no matter what you do, so you're going to have to accept that."

I won't give up, I won't take my life no matter how hard it gets. But it's a depressing reality.

I went to a therapy appointment dressed. I dressed at home and drove directly to the hospital. Driving from my house to the highway (all of 2km) felt like a running the gauntlet. I had a panic attack worrying that another driver would recognize me and notice. In my panic, I rolled a stop sign and was promptly pulled over.

That didn't do anything to reduce my anxiety.

The officer asked what was going on and I explained things to him quite bluntly. He ran my license and then let me off with a warning. He assured me he'd respect my confidentiality, but I was freaked out most of the two hours to the hospital. 

Quote from: Gwynne on January 17, 2014, 07:30:49 PM
I went to a therapy appointment dressed. I dressed at home and drove directly to the hospital. Driving from my house to the highway (all of 2km) felt like a running the gauntlet. I had a panic attack worrying that another driver would recognize me and notice. In my panic, I rolled a stop sign and was promptly pulled over.

That didn't do anything to reduce my anxiety.

The officer asked what was going on and I explained things to him quite bluntly. He ran my license and then let me off with a warning. He assured me he'd respect my confidentiality, but I was freaked out most of the two hours to the hospital. 

Eeessh, I can only imagine.
Sorry to hear that. I've started dressing when I drive from my place over to my friends house and usually cover up with a jacket on my way inside the house.
My biggest fear being that I would get pulled over in full dress.

Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 17, 2014, 07:35:46 PM
Eeessh, I can only imagine.
Sorry to hear that. I've started dressing when I drive from my place over to my friends house and usually cover up with a jacket on my way inside the house.
My biggest fear being that I would get pulled over in full dress.

I was wearing a gender-neutral leather coat. There was no hiding it, tho. I was wearing nail polish and a skirt.

Quote from: Gwynne on January 17, 2014, 07:59:41 PM
I was wearing a gender-neutral leather coat. There was no hiding it, tho. I was wearing nail polish and a skirt.

Not to make light of the situation, but it sounds like a story you're going to laugh about later.

I agree.

It's been a long time fear of mine, tho. I appreciate what the police do, but have to admit that I assume that, as a collectivity, they swing to the intolerant end of the social justice continuum.

I react badly to my pain killers. Or rather, my body does. So it's almost 5 at night and I'm having back to back dates with the porcelain. So exhausted and sick of this. I really hope the scars will finish healing soon.

OK, so there is something with dysphoria and showers. After taking one, I now no longer want to do anything.

Quote from: Willow on January 18, 2014, 08:39:21 AM
OK, so there is something with dysphoria and showers. After taking one, I now no longer want to do anything.

Is there something you could do after a shower to kind of negate the dysphoria? Like, something that makes you feel pretty?

Quote from: caleb. on January 18, 2014, 09:05:21 AMIs there something you could do after a shower to kind of negate the dysphoria? Like, something that makes you feel pretty?

Kinda hard to do in the guy's showers.

I'm not sure if it'd help anyways; I get out and I just sit down for 15 minutes after drying half myself off and just feel bad.

Ah right, I forgot how little privacy you're afforded in your dorms.

Has your dad ever said why he won't let you live in your own? I mean...I can't see why anyone would want to live like that, nevermind the trans bit.