I know that I can't be the only one here who is a parent, and I was hoping to get some insight from other transitioning or transitioned parents. My child is still young (17 months) so my transition likely won't confuse her as much as it might if she were older. I think. However, she does know me as mommy. So, fellow parents, what do your kids call you? Do they use the word that matched your birth gender, or your real gender? Or do they use a gender neutral word? (<< I am not aware of any of these.) I know that some trans* parents, especially those with older children, are simply called by their first name. I don't really want my child calling me by my name; I am not sure why exactly, but I don't like the idea at all. I don't mind the idea of her continuing to call me mommy during or after my transition, I don't believe in gender roles anyway, even when it comes to parenting. But I'm not sure if it would be appropriate. Also, after you legally changed your name, did you change the name on your child(dren)s birth certificate as well? Or, do you legally have to change your name on your child(ren)s birth certificate(s)?

I am also a parent. My son is four and he also doesn't seem to be confused by my transition. However, the people I interact with such as his day care and when I take him for medical appointments tend to be confused. He was calling me nicknames for awhile, but has started calling me mom. Legal documents under my old name still apply, so I didn't bother changing his birth certificate. I will if it ever needs to be replaced.

My son is 7. For the most part he still calls me daddy, at least in private. While in public he tells people I am his aunt. He isn't confused by it, but got tired of having to explain why he called a woman his daddy. Every so often he tries out a nickname for me, recently he has tried "daddette". It's so cute! Like you Travestydearest, I want him to not just use my name. I feel it is disrespectful to not address his adult family members by a title.

Quote from: Edge on January 17, 2014, 03:41:38 PM
I am also a parent. My son is four and he also doesn't seem to be confused by my transition. However, the people I interact with such as his day care and when I take him for medical appointments tend to be confused. He was calling me nicknames for awhile, but has started calling me mom. Legal documents under my old name still apply, so I didn't bother changing his birth certificate. I will if it ever needs to be replaced.

Quote from: Brooke777 on January 17, 2014, 03:55:42 PM
My son is 7. For the most part he still calls me daddy, at least in private. While in public he tells people I am his aunt. He isn't confused by it, but got tired of having to explain why he called a woman his daddy. Every so often he tries out a nickname for me, recently he has tried "daddette". It's so cute! Like you Travestydearest, I want him to not just use my name. I feel it is disrespectful to not address his adult family members by a title.

The staff at my daughter's daycare already look at me funny and I haven't even started HRT yet. Not that I care, really. People have been looking at me funny for my whole life for one reason or another. xD And I agree, I feel is it disrespectful to call family members by just their names. Unless the family member asks to be called by just their name. Daddette is actually really cute. ^^ I don't know what it is, but I simply cannot picture my daughter calling me anything other than 'mommy,' no matter what gender I am. I do worry, of course, about the issue your son has with having to explain it. Despite the fact that I would love to raise her to know that being trans* is completely normal, I don't want her to ever feel frustrated or uncomfortable because I want her to call me mommy. But, I suppose I won't have to worry about that until she is older.

Quote from: Travestydearest on January 17, 2014, 04:39:25 PM

The staff at my daughter's daycare already look at me funny and I haven't even started HRT yet. Not that I care, really. People have been looking at me funny for my whole life for one reason or another. xD And I agree, I feel is it disrespectful to call family members by just their names. Unless the family member asks to be called by just their name. Daddette is actually really cute. ^^ I don't know what it is, but I simply cannot picture my daughter calling me anything other than 'mommy,' no matter what gender I am. I do worry, of course, about the issue your son has with having to explain it. Despite the fact that I would love to raise her to know that being trans* is completely normal, I don't want her to ever feel frustrated or uncomfortable because I want her to call me mommy. But, I suppose I won't have to worry about that until she is older.

Last year, I was afraid to go to my son's school. I did not pass at all, and received some horrible looks from other parents, and the staff. Now, nobody except a couple of friends, my son's teacher and the principal know about my past. The reason he got frustrated has nothing to do with thinking being trans is wrong or negative, to him it is normal. It comes from the fact that he doesn't understand why people can't just say okay and move on. He is the sweetest kid! I have let him know that he can call me mommy if he wants, but he doesn't want to upset my ex, which I understand.

Quote from: Travestydearest on January 17, 2014, 03:27:36 PMAlso, after you legally changed your name, did you change the name on your child(dren)s birth certificate as well? Or, do you legally have to change your name on your child(ren)s birth certificate(s)?

How a situation like that would be handled varies from state to state. Not much information is available on how a parent who changes their name after a child is born would be handled, but one state that does mention their procedure is California - their policy for general non-marriage-related name changes (don't know if this applies to transgender-related name changes too) is that the parent's name as recorded on the child's original birth certificate remains, but the name after the legal change can be added as an AKA.

If the parent's name was legally changed before the child was born (for a non-marriage-related reason) then in most cases only the name after the change would be put down. (Many states in their directions direct that the "father" should use his current legal name, and the "mother" use her name as it was prior to her first marriage [so that she doesn't put her married surname down, but to take into account other changes like if she was adopted]. However, from a [non-trans] case I know of, they'll make a judgement whenever a change to the first/middle name takes place after a marriage. I even once sent an e-mail to one state's department to prove that what one member on here said was wrong about what name changes change what goes on a child's birth certificate - what they mainly want is that last names changed because of marriage not be used since it provides more identifiable information then if both parents' last names were put down as the same.)

I'm also a parent of a almost 16 month old. He's a little handful at times but he has been calling my wife and I both Ma / Mah-Mah right now, he hasn't said his first words yet. I'd love to just be called mommy after transition but my wife is kind of against it and she refers to me as daddy all the time so I'm not sure whats going to stick with him.

It's odd how there are a number of familial names for grand parents but not for parents. I suppose it arise out of the fact there are usually two sets of grandparents and there's a need to differentiate them for the sake of the kids. To my sister's kids my mother is "nanny", the father's mother is "grandma" and their great grandmother (my mother's mother) was "nana" (the name myself and my siblings used for her).

I wonder if it's not possible to do something similar where there are two parents of the same gender... mom/mama and dad/poppa (ok, not good examples, but you get my drift...?)

Quote from: Ms Grace on January 17, 2014, 05:47:52 PM
I wonder if it's not possible to do something similar where there are two parents of the same gender... mom/mama and dad/poppa (ok, not good examples, but you get my drift...?)

This is how all of the same sex couple with kids I know do it. Most of my friends are lesbians, and have kids. One is usually mommy, and the other is momma. I do have one friend who is called maam.

As for what my kids called me, that's a work in progress. When my daughter talks to my soon-to-be-ex-wife, she calls me "other parent". She doesn't yet have anything to call to my face.

I did not have my name changed on my kids' birth certificate.

If I could write the script, I'd be called mom, but my wife has rights to that one. We're talking perhaps about some foreign language version of mom.

I'm a parent of a 4 month old.  I was on hormones for over a year before I got my partner pregnant, and did my orchi months before he was born, so he's never seen me as anything else.  He knows me as Mama Mouse, and my partner as Mama Fox.  When asked "Where's Mama Mouse?" he looks right at me....

We seem to confuse a lot of folks though, especially the OBGYNs.  We catch a lot of flack for being lesbians sometimes, but for the most part people are cool.  A lot of people are bold enough to ask who the biological parent is, and get soooooo confused when we say "both of us."

Quote from: Oriah on January 17, 2014, 08:15:08 PM
We seem to confuse a lot of folks though, especially the OBGYNs.  We catch a lot of flack for being lesbians sometimes, but for the most part people are cool.  A lot of people are bold enough to ask who the biological parent is, and get soooooo confused when we say "both of us."

Isn't that soooo much fun! I love it when people ask if me or my ex is the bio mom. Watching their faces as they try to figure it out is hilarious!

Quote from: suzifrommd on January 17, 2014, 06:26:12 PM
As for what my kids called me, that's a work in progress. When my daughter talks to my soon-to-be-ex-wife, she calls me "other parent". She doesn't yet have anything to call to my face.

I did not have my name changed on my kids' birth certificate.

If I could write the script, I'd be called mom, but my wife has rights to that one. We're talking perhaps about some foreign language version of mom.

I actually really like that idea, if you can find one you like that isn't extremely obvious as to it's meaning. That way your children could still call you mom, and there wouldn't have to be as much 'gender confusion.' Language barrier, sure, but (especially when they reach their teen years) they may be more comfortable with this method.

The weirdest thing is that, when her father and I 'talked' about what we would do if we had kids (because I always wanted them, though my plan had been to adopt) I had no problem with being 'daddy' because he could only ever see himself as a mother. But now that it's just my daughter and I, I just can't.

Kia Ora,

This link might help...

http://www.mothersdaycelebration.com/mother-in-different-languages.html

http://tteokbokki.wordpress.com/2008/06/13/45-ways-to-say-dad-in-different-languages/

Metta Zenda

Try the same word but in another language. Some have done that successfully.