Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 04:12:17 PM
You just met me over the internet a few days ago.

So?

Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 04:09:06 PM
You can't name any either.

Im not gonna be like the others...If you really think that nobody loves you then it becomes true , this way of thinking is too dark though ,, meh its ok some people like darkness.
Anyway I do love you a little bit , like in a way , the kind of love two strangers on a forum can have ?? I dunno...
You re propably gonna say something like "you dont know me so its not love"
or after that you are gonna say "you cant know what im gonna say"
or it may not be enough,,,

ha , emo kawai sou...
it doesnt matter how long you know someone or how much...
you can love someone just by looking at him/her... anyways...
I honestly ,,,dunno...

On new things I hate:

How every job seeking portal forces you to enter again all of your freaking data, over and over again. I may spend two or three days between finding the data, adapting it and translating (finding the education level equivalents is the worst).

The last one is Eures (EU's official job portal), but gladly this one uses the Europass data. Glad I still have it updated from the GNSS Application in December.


Oh, I also hate that 2/3 times I've been out of my country, it has been for personel selection processes...


Holy Poo-Poo, I'm never posting it  at this rate. Every time I get to post the replies have skyrocketed again.

Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 04:09:06 PM
You can't name any either.

Well let's see, so far we have Emo, the Princess, LordKat and there's always Auntie Shan so wtf is that a pile of chopped liver?

I adore Edge too! *pinches his cheeks*

My tummy's been acting up for a few days due to the medication. Fell asleep at like 7 in the morning. Bahh.

...and don't forget me!

I thought Edge was awesome from the first time I exchanged posts with him.

Quote from: LordKAT on January 18, 2014, 04:08:37 PM
I do have an idea, not exact words but an idea. This is from it happening before. I dare because I wish to improve your mood.

You only know me from the internet. How would you know how I act in RL or how I have acted throughout my life? (Don't answer that.)

Quote from: LordKAT on January 18, 2014, 04:08:37 PMI never asked anyone to try to improve my mood and would prefer it if they didn't.
Again, never said anything about being an idiot or even hinting at that. How dare you assume I did.

If I were really how you described me, I would despise and kill myself for being that stupid. Luckily, I am not.

Quote from: LordKAT on January 18, 2014, 04:08:37 PMYou did say you weren't capable of being loved. I quoted it.

Capable is not a synonym for worthy. Worthy is about deserving which has no meaning in the real world. Capable is about reality.

Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 18, 2014, 04:19:37 PMIf you really think that nobody loves you then it becomes true

It has always been true regardless of what I've thought or think.

Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 18, 2014, 04:19:37 PM"you dont know me so its not love"

Right you are.

once again, i'm experiencing stomach cramps. I often have them for a couple of days every month or two months, it depends. they started in summer. luckily i have actually developed my own technique for getting rid of them faster.

Ginger ale!

i'm feeling weird both mentally and physically.

A town here is on fire. "Only" a bit more than 2000 inhabitants but it's one of those really old towns with old wooden houses so practically the whole town has caught fire and they have absolutely no control over it. I feel so bad for the families, the animals, the great loss of history in old buildings.. so far a few hundreds have been evacuated.

Edge,

How do you think I described you?

I need to move to Europe; somewhere where I'm actually awake during the day. I'm falling asleep in the afternoon and waking in the middle of the night. Move thise times back 6 hours...
Sleeping from 11 until 9 is much more reasonable. Spain, France, Germany,  Belgium, Italy, here I come!

In all seruousness  this sucks, because I'll either fall asleep in the afternoon again, or force myself to stay awake and fall asleep at 6 tomorrow morning. At that point, Australia and New Zealand are more acquained with my sleep.

Here I am, half crying in the morning. I spent the night dreaming I was a fully normal girl, my family accepted me as if had never ever en a guy, and even looked and moved naturally (Then it would change into being a tatooed freak with a gaping hole with teeth  in my tummy, but that is a different story.



I was supposed to have lunch which my parents (real reason: Find a KVM I forgot at their home) which had been repeating constantly the how I had to present exactly in front of them.... And here I am, in the morning, all of my sports bras dirty  in the sink where I am washing the white ones (so I don't have anything to hide my breasts, while I called them to say that I was not feeling ok and  would not be coming, while crying.


The truth: I don' want to present as a dude and less with today's dreams. I'be been depressed all the morning at the perspective of having exchanged quick transition for the safety of a home (goodbye budget), and that my original idea is on hiatus until I can work again. And then spending an afternoon as if nothing had ever happened perpetuating a lie in front of others. One thing is to go out in androgynous presentation but in fully female clothing and being OK with myself even if that gets me misgendered, but I can't live with my appearance being tailored but others to be accepted by society. My fathers, possible employeers...

¿Why do we have to go through this Conga of humiliation? Two years to change my name, 4 years waiting list for healthcare SRS (which will disappear in less than one years as things are)... Even if the doctors want to help us, the legal system hates us and will never accept us. The 2007 law change to include our name change is just a leash on us that makes us go through hell.




Well, here goes my morning rant I'm going to the shower, spent an hour with my hair after that and dedicate today to counterfeiting proof for the name change, and see if I can pull it (Not going to happen).

Quote from: Emo on January 18, 2014, 06:28:59 PM
Ginger ale!

What's wrong with ginger ale? It's my favourite soft drink though my sister hates it

I lost a friend of 32 years today because of my Full Time status and transition plan. I suppose if she was a good friend though, that would not have happened. I hope it was only shock and that she will come around, if not oh well. I am free and loving life now instead of just existing.

Full on anxiety attack. Drugged. I don't know what will be of my future. I am worthless.

Quote from: AppleJack on January 19, 2014, 07:10:38 AM
Full on anxiety attack. Drugged. I don't know what will be of my future. I am worthless.

no one is worthless. that's nonsense.

Quote from: AppleJack on January 19, 2014, 07:10:38 AM
Full on anxiety attack. Drugged. I don't know what will be of my future. I am worthless.

First ( ). Second, I have followed your progress to this point and value what you have to say, so no more of this worthless stuff. As for the future, none of us are guaranteed one so just live for today, OK? Since going Full Time I now value every second and don't even want to sleep. I have 40 years to make up for. You can do it baby! I have full faith in you. If you need a friend just PM me. All of mine are considered confidential and I tell no one what others say in them. I have the greatest respect for you and want to see you succeed in your dreams and hopes.

Quote from: AppleJack on January 19, 2014, 03:20:44 AM
Here I am, half crying in the morning. I spent the night dreaming I was a fully normal girl, my family accepted me as if had never ever en a guy, and even looked and moved naturally (Then it would change into being a tatooed freak with a gaping hole with teeth  in my tummy, but that is a different story.



I had lunch which my parents (real reason: Find a KVM I forgot at their home) which had been repeating constantly the how I had to present exactly in front of them.... And here I am, in the morning, all of my sports bras dirty  in the sink where I am washing the white ones (so I don't have anything to hide my breasts, while I called them to say that I was not feeling ok and  would not be coming, while crying.


The truth: I don' want to present as a dude and less with today's dreams. I'be been depressed all the morning at the perspective of having exchanged quick transition for the safety of a home (goodbye budget), and that my original idea is on hiatus until I can work again. And then spending an afternoon as if nothing had ever happened perpetuating a lie in front of others. One thing is to go out in androgynous presentation but in fully female clothing and being OK with myself even if that gets me misgendered, but I can't live with my appearance being tailored but others to be accepted by society. My fathers, possible employeers...

¿Why do we have to go through this Conga of humiliation? Two years to change my name, 4 years waiting list for healthcare SRS (which will disappear in less than one years as things are)... Even if the doctors want to help us, the legal system hates us and will never accept us. The 2007 law change to include our name change is just a leash on us that makes us go through hell.




Well, here goes my morning rant I'm going to the shower, spent an hour with my hair after that and dedicate today to counterfeiting proof for the name change, and see if I can pull it (Not going to happen).

I felt this way too this morning. I havent had a dream in a long while but my gender dysphoria was pure. I truly wished i was cis. No evil thoughts of mutilation or suicide. Just pure dysphoria, which made me want hrt even more.