Hi girls!
Wow I'm so excited to be a new member of this community!!! I'm overflowing with emotion just to be posting this now... it's crossing a huge milestone in my life, and I've never felt more at ease, relieved, and excited!!!!
Well, I was born a boy and I'm now 32 years old since last October. But people usually think I'm 24 or younger I've always had that boyish look, in fact I still can't even grow a full beard! I really used to hate this about my body, because for a long time I really tried to fit the role of a boy, a man... but always I looked too boyish and hoped that with a beard I'd have an easier time fitting in... but regardless I always felt like a stranger in my own skin because I wasn't being myself, and deep inside I knew it. And now how I love that I never developed a full beard
I knew I was different since I was 10 years old. I felt I was a girl inside, and I secretly yearned to be a girl on the outside. When all the girls in school started going through puberty and developing their beautiful femininity, I felt so jealous, I felt I had been so cheated by life, I should've been a girl, but instead I was stuck being a boy.
Unfortunately, I learned to cope with it because I was afraid of being bullied and made fun of, something I now regret... because instead of developing my true feminine self, who I really was, I instead chose to adapt to and play the role of a boy... and I played the part very well, probably because due to my feminine nature I overcompensated by acting excessively masculine and pugilistic.
But always at times I felt such a huge sense of being lost, I just wanted to break out of my male mold and dress like a girl and be a girl... but I was afraid, and I limited myself on so many accounts. I was afraid of being rejected and laughed at; I was afraid of my super-conservative family and what they would think and even talk about me, about the "weird" one who "thinks" she's a girl. Alas. Out of fear I kept living a lie.
But as time passed, I was growing more and more despondent, I just couldn't keep living trapped like this. About two years ago, I started studying and reading all the information I could find on living as a Transsexual, and about transitioning - I so longed for it, but still I needed to gather my courage. Well I've been reading transsexual blogs and transition stories, always admiring the courage of these brave girls, but always from the sidelines. I used to think that my conservative family was an absolute roadblock... until I came to the realization that every choice has a price - and yes, some of my friends and family may condemn me and desert me... I realized this is a price a am willing to pay - to be who I truly am and live freely as I am.
And the truth is that, I am a woman. I know and feel it beyond doubt, despite this masculine body I was born with. And while I've always felt like this, it had always remained as something barely out of my subconscious. But now, finally, I have consciously and assertively embraced my identity! And I haven't felt so good, so free, or so ecstatic in my life!!!! This is such a monumental turning point in my life, that I just needed to tell people about it, and am so glad to be able to share it here in this community!
So finally, I made the decision to begin therapy. And hopefully I will soon start my HRT. And I'm seriously considering FFS as well. I am a woman inside, I want to be a woman outside too, and treated as one. And although I know that this is a long process that will be hard and painful, it is important for me to be not only passable, but elegant and beautiful!!! Because I feel myself as a lady, elegant and beautiful
And I know that I will be very beautiful!!!!
My most heartfelt thanks to all you lovely people here!
And thanks to all you who patiently read my long story!!! There's so much I want to share and get out it seems like I could keep writing forever!
Hugs, love, kisses!
Maria
