Found myself struggling this morning as I just couldn't face presenting as him.

I was nearly in tears but forced myself to do what I had to do and go to work.

J

Quote from: Jenny07 on January 20, 2014, 02:05:14 AM
Found myself struggling this morning as I just couldn't face presenting as him.

I was nearly in tears but forced myself to do what I had to do and go to work.

J

Hugs little sister

I think I am depressed again ... siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh 

how do I know?
well I got happy cause I get to leave the house at night today and thus I ll avoid the sunlight :/

Ive heard that estrogens can cause depression,,,I wonder if I cant help it...
I also read on facebook that the second monday of january is considered to be the most depressing day of the year...

anyway I know I have to do something about it but I feel really weak...
Id rather stay in bed all day than do anything... sh*t now ive done it...

Woke up nice and early for class. Just to remember that it's a national holiday, there is no class

I'm sick... And I've got so much work to do...

it finally happened.i snapped emotionally. i am spent. it's a good thing the people i know are understanding, they know that i'm struggling (hopefully not losing, although it sometimes feels like it) with heavy depression. i thought i'd feel depressed for the rest of the day after my nervous breakdown, i'm feeling better now so there's at least one good thing.

When I was going outside to dump some food scraps out to some critters, an older an was walking by.  My back was turned, but I heard someone say "hey babe!" in a scratchy voice.  I ignored the voice until I was done getting the scraps out of the container and when I turned around, he was looking at me and he waved.  I think he was trying to get my attention.....ew!  On top of that, I got my braids taken out yesterday and haven't done anything to my hair so looks like a mess all over the place (lie I got electrocuted), and yet he still talks to me.  Yuck!

without  most of the alcohol, I feel like this today.

Cute Video, Been there LordKat! 

Talking about my transition with my mother this morning.

It's like she's trying to scare me out of transitioning which.... while I still fully intend to start HRT I'd be lying if I said her words didn't make it harder.
She starts out by telling me I've been selfish my whole life, then goes into how I must've tricked myself into thinking I want this because I spend most of my time online "researching sh**" as she calls it.

She then brings up how I'm going to lose all these opportunities and that I'll still be unhappy after transition, etc, etc..
Then comes the life comparison and how her life was so hard.... trying to somehow eclipse what I'm going through.

There was more than that... but I don't feel like rehashing it all, just a really crappy conversation.

Thinking about my ex girlfriend.

Quote from: Malachite on January 20, 2014, 10:28:05 AM
When I was going outside to dump some food scraps out to some critters, an older an was walking by.  My back was turned, but I heard someone say "hey babe!" in a scratchy voice.  I ignored the voice until I was done getting the scraps out of the container and when I turned around, he was looking at me and he waved.  I think he was trying to get my attention.....ew!  On top of that, I got my braids taken out yesterday and haven't done anything to my hair so looks like a mess all over the place (lie I got electrocuted), and yet he still talks to me.  Yuck!

Grosssss. Lol. Poor Malachite.

Quote from: caleb. on January 20, 2014, 01:25:37 PM
Grosssss. Lol. Poor Malachite.

I went outside and was greeted by two random guys who were chopping up a broken tree that fell on our fence.  They wanted to have a small conversation with me. Why do I pick the worse times to go outside?  -_-

Or is the best time? lol jk

Haha the best time for me to blow a gasket maybe....

Headaches.

Dad called again, I don't know what to say to him.

Quote from: Willow on January 20, 2014, 05:22:01 PM
Dad called again, I don't know what to say to him.

Say hi dad! That's a good start!

I shaved my facial hair but left some sideburns. They're so thin (like, hairs aren't thick enough, they're wide though) And one side is thinner than the other. I'm going to let it grow though and see what happens.

Running out of everything when I have no money.
Shampoo, soap, conditioner, shaving cream (already out,) makeup powder and bronzer. The only thing I have to spare is instant coffee, which I rarely use.

And I just remembered I need to buy art supplies.
I need to get a job. That means talking with dad. But I'm nervous to talk with him to ask about a job or maybe a cash injection.