Quote from: Willow on January 21, 2014, 06:33:27 AM
Running out of everything when I have no money.
Shampoo, soap, conditioner, shaving cream (already out,) makeup powder and bronzer. The only thing I have to spare is instant coffee, which I rarely use.

And I just remembered I need to buy art supplies.
I need to get a job. That means talking with dad. But I'm nervous to talk with him to ask about a job or maybe a cash injection.

Anyway what are dad's for? I get the impression that he's pretty supportive, go for it Willow!

Quote from: Shantel on January 21, 2014, 09:07:12 AMAnyway what are dad's for? I get the impression that he's pretty supportive, go for it Willow!

His two rules were to not do anything illegal and to nor ask him for money. I think if I explain some he may turn around.

In the meantime, I need to find a way to live off of $17.

I'm back from my parent's home. I only entered the storage room independent from the home to get my old bike,  but not really a happy experience. A lot of nostalgia mixed with the sensation that I stayed in a kid's mental state for maybe too long, everything splashed by the violent confrontation that took place the day I came out.

Now it is a sensation of wanting to go back to my old and easy sheltered life with my parents, and at the same time knowing I can't go back there anymore and things will never be the same as before.

I spent 30 years and 5 months at that home, far longer than I should have. First it was the inability to find a job, and then 6 years of crisis that made impossible buying or renting a home...

From 2004 to 2013 it is as if I was stuck on childhood. No responsibilities save for keeping studying until 2007 and from them to 2013 working, saving money and filling my childhood room with expensive crap.

Nowadays, I am still a mess. I can't cook, still need help from my father to do certain home fixes, and after a year alone I still haven't gotten used to living alone. I could even take a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- as a partner right now if he is kind.

Quote from: AppleJack on January 21, 2014, 11:03:15 AM
I'm back from my parent's home. I only entered the storage room independent from the home to get my old bike,  but not really a happy experience. A lot of nostalgia mixed with the sensation that I stayed in a kid's mental state for maybe too long, everything splashed by the violent confrontation that took place the day I came out.

Now it is a sensation of wanting to go back to my old and easy sheltered life with my parents, and at the same time knowing I can't go back there anymore and things will never be the same as before.

I spent 30 years and 5 months at that home, far longer than I should have. First it was the inability to find a job, and then 6 years of crisis that made impossible buying or renting a home...

From 2004 to 2013 it is as if I was stuck on childhood. No responsibilities save for keeping studying until 2007 and from them to 2013 working, saving money and filling my childhood room with expensive crap.

Nowadays, I am still a mess. I can't cook, still need help from my father to do certain home fixes, and after a year alone I still haven't gotten used to living alone. I could even take a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- as a partner right now if he is kind.

Cheer up hon, there are a lot of young people your age that are still stuck living with mom and pop on account of the sluggish world economy. Sounds as if you are finally growing up and coming into adulthood just fine albeit kicking and screaming.

I tried to call the pride clinic in Cleveland to make an appointment with an endo......

No luck at all... I called 9 times, and the 3 times I did get a person on the line they either gave me another number.... or they transferred me.
Every number and transfer went back to the main phone line and nobody could do anything for me at all.....

EDIT...

This helps.. a friend of mine gave me some more information.

216-651-3499
Press: 1 - 2 - 3, tell the attendant you are a new patient and want to schedule an appointment with Dr. Ng at the pride clinic.

Quote from: Shantel on January 21, 2014, 11:28:11 AM
Cheer up hon, there are a lot of young people your age that are still stuck living with mom and pop on account of the sluggish world economy. Sounds as if you are finally growing up and coming into adulthood just fine albeit kicking and screaming.

That's what pisses me off: I am a waste of human being that still is not self-sufficient. I would lament never learning from my mother to cook, but she was impossible, everything had to be done in her own way. From 2007 to 2013 I lived as a freaking king just wasting money. Sure, I saved like 70% every month, but since I had a free home and food, I indulged me in every possible pleasure inside my four walls. Until I needed privacy to transition and things got real bad.

During years my parents never asked for anything. I offered to pay a monthly fee for them, but they did not want it. Their only condition to let me live with them was not to spoil money and save it. So after five years I had an account filled with money, and... Well, remember this stuff with getting a home for me? This is something we had been talking for YEARS. They literally told me that it was better to stay with them and keep saving money instead of throwing it in renting a place. Now after one year, they just want to enjoy their life alone. I can't  say anything against that, the problem is that I stayed there for too long attached to them, and now... If I had a partner in my life I could probably move away mentally. I did it physically, but inside my head everything is a mess still.



Well, I better prepare for going to the mixed LGBT group today. Since I had to dress half male to go there, I am too tired now to put make up again, so I guess I would go as I am. I don't want to leave the place and I could go to bed right now, but... I need to see people.

BTW:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052073/

And story repeats itself...

Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 21, 2014, 11:36:55 AM
I tried to call the pride clinic in Cleveland to make an appointment with an endo......

No luck at all... I called 9 times, and the 3 times I did get a person on the line they either gave me another number.... or they transferred me.
Every number and transfer went back to the main phone line and nobody could do anything for me at all.....

EDIT...

This helps.. a friend of mine gave me some more information.

216-651-3499
Press: 1 - 2 - 3, tell the attendant you are a new patient and want to schedule an appointment with Dr. Ng at the pride clinic.

good for you!

After thinking, asking dad for cash is a better idea than getting a job, as I'll likely have to present as male for it.

Quote from: Willow on January 21, 2014, 02:12:27 PM
After thinking, asking dad for cash is a better idea than getting a job, as I'll likely have to present as male for it.

Good plan, even if it turns out to be a bad decision it's better than none at all!

Quote from: Shantel on January 21, 2014, 02:49:39 PMGood plan, even if it turns out to be a bad decision it's better than none at all!

I don't really want to talk with him.

He just texted me, thinking I was in the hospital for THE surgery and that's why I haven't answered.

Quote from: Willow on January 21, 2014, 02:54:00 PM
I don't really want to talk with him.

He just texted me, thinking I was in the hospital for THE surgery and that's why I haven't answered.

LOL. I'm sorry, but that's totally idiotic. How the heck did he think you were going to get all that set up?

the macaroni bowl broke

Quote from: Malachite on January 21, 2014, 03:29:51 PM
the macaroni bowl broke

I can totally relate Brother! I must be OCD or something because when I break a dish that is used regularly for one thing, I almost can't fix it ever again. It's just not the same. Hang in there brother.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 21, 2014, 03:32:49 PM
I can totally relate Brother! I must be OCD or something because when I break a dish that is used regularly for one thing, I almost can't fix it ever again. It's just not the same. Hang in there brother.

Glad I am not the only one!

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 21, 2014, 03:32:49 PM
I can totally relate Brother! I must be OCD or something because when I break a dish that is used regularly for one thing, I almost can't fix it ever again. It's just not the same. Hang in there brother.

Yesss that is me!  My mom somehow had the top stove on with the macaroni bowl on top of it and it got so hot that it sharrtered and the macaroni burned.  I was in there and I saw it on, but I thought nothing about it.  The thing is, I didn't even care for the macaroni but I don't want it in another bowl though lol

Quote from: caleb. on January 21, 2014, 03:29:39 PMLOL. I'm sorry, but that's totally idiotic. How the heck did he think you were going to get all that set up?

I don't know.
He then went on to say he checked my facebook (which I am NOT affiliatrd with him on) and realized I wasn't, and to tell me when I planned on having it so he could be there.
I don't think he realizes that it won't be for a year to a year and a half, and likely in Thailand, unless he wants to pay the difference between Thai and US costs to have it done here.

Im  feeling absolutely terrible...

Today I read on the news about an other incident of violence agains trans women,,,
this time a bunch of guys hit a girl inside the metro...for the love of god...

But you know what guys...5 people hurt that girl but more tried to help her, more protected her and called the police...

In this world evil is minimal,but it takes only one evil person to hurt a million good ones...
thats why I wont give up , I ll fight these evil monsters however I can and I know Im not alone.

Let's see...

1) Father-in-law is running off to marry someone we haven't even met who sounds like a bigtime career gold digger.
2) Blown transmission in car- needs replaced.
3) My wife just got screwed over hardcore at work.
4) My wife is more upset than I've seen her in ages.

I'm more unhappy about #4 than I am 1-3.

Father told me if I actually cared about my family, I would give up this transgender thing.. (or boob thing as he calls it)
What an a**hole

Hating my body, my face, my hair, my body hair, and most of all, myself.

It PAINS me to see how happy people are. I feel like I'm stuck behind. Financially I am. I can't afford beard removal, I can't afford clothes, I can't even afford basic necessities like shaving cream. I truly made the wrong decision in going full time now. I can't revert though. I can't go back. Not just because I feel like there's no going back, but also because I'm already out to the two professors that matter. How would it look if I were to go back to them? No, I just can't do it. I'm too cowardly to move forward, I'm too cowardly to move back. I'm stuck in the middle and don't know what to do.