I wanna start T. . but I don't know where to go to get it. . how to start. . how much money its going to cost. . etc. . I'm very frustrated with this and its eating away at me greatly. .

Your best bet is probably going to be to find yourself a gender therapist.  I don't know if you're in the US, but a lot of places here require a letter of approval from a therapist before giving anyone hormones.  A therapist can also help you with finding trans friendly doctors who do HRT, and you can go from there.  Cost varies greatly depending on whether you do gel, patches, shots, etc., and also where you order it from.  Sometimes insurance will cover things, but usually not.  Alternatively, some places do informed consent, so you could look into that as well.  A therapist is a good place to start though, if you're just starting out.

I'm just getting so depressed and desperate at this point with the whole ordeal. . I'm almost about to say screw side effects and say that's future Kai's problem and start taking T pills or something. . I know they don't work as well. . and are horrible for your liver. . but I just don't know what to do. . I am jobless. . and am still living with my parents. .  haven't felt this ->-bleeped-<-ing numb in a long time. . I tried so. . ->-bleeped-<-ing hard. . poured my heart into this like I haven't with any job interviews. . Sundays interview waas perfect I and I so confident and certain I had this all in the bag. . todays interview went to ->-bleeped-<-. . I went in with a smile and a good confident boost. . went towards the manager's office and said I was there for my 1 pm interview with the store manager. . she said she wasn't expecting me at all. . my heart and my confidence sank to the pit of my stomach. . she told me the guy who interviewed me before must have forgot to tell them I was to be interviewed today. . and that they had other people to interview for the position today. . so for my convenience of coming all the way up there. . they interviewed me but it was literally the shortest interview I have ever gone to in my life and they asked the same exact stuff I was asked before. . I left got in my cars in tears. . drove on the highway feeling numb and wanting a car to ram into me or drive me off the road so my skull could hit the steering wheel. .I just want a ->-bleeped-<-ing job. . and one with working with animals. . is that so much to ->-bleeped-<-ing ask for. . If I don't get the call of when they are apposed to which is early next week. . I am ->-bleeped-<-ing giving up. . and I just want to start T. . but my parents aren't in no way at all going to help me with funds. . research. . or just anything that has to do with the subject. .

Quote from: DarkCarnival on January 21, 2014, 12:13:36 AM
I wanna start T. . but I don't know where to go to get it. . how to start. . how much money its going to cost. . etc. . I'm very frustrated with this and its eating away at me greatly. .

Not sure if you are in the states? I have heard Planned Parenthood has ways to help the transgender community.

Transition is hard and a long path. Slow down, breathe and take things one day at a time.

Hugs
Isabell

Quote from: mind is quiet now on January 22, 2014, 01:36:16 PM
Not sure if you are in the states? I have heard Planned Parenthood has ways to help the transgender community.

Transition is hard and a long path. Slow down, breathe and take things one day at a time.

Hugs
Isabell

Make sure you check the planned parenthood site and see what your planned parenthood offers. Mine didn't offer transgender services until just a few months ago.

I'm kind of with you dark, where I'm confused, finding myself, and pre T, I have an appointment to see a therapist though, not really sure if they specialize in gender stuff, but its a start, I would start finding a therapist first, most take health insurance, mine costs $30 for a visit. You can find therapist that do specialize in gender stuff at  http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php just put your zip code in and it will help find ones near you. Also found it helped when you have someone to talk to about the stuff, I have a gf that has been my support, my family can accept if i'm "gay" but turning into a dude is hard for them to get a grip on. Hope this helped a little bro.

Quote from: DarkCarnival on January 22, 2014, 01:17:28 PM
I'm just getting so depressed and desperate at this point with the whole ordeal. . I'm almost about to say screw side effects and say that's future Kai's problem and start taking T pills or something. . I know they don't work as well. . and are horrible for your liver. . but I just don't know what to do. . I am jobless. . and am still living with my parents. .  haven't felt this ->-bleeped-<-ing numb in a long time. . I tried so. . ->-bleeped-<-ing hard. . poured my heart into this like I haven't with any job interviews. . Sundays interview waas perfect I and I so confident and certain I had this all in the bag. . todays interview went to ->-bleeped-<-. . I went in with a smile and a good confident boost. . went towards the manager's office and said I was there for my 1 pm interview with the store manager. . she said she wasn't expecting me at all. . my heart and my confidence sank to the pit of my stomach. . she told me the guy who interviewed me before must have forgot to tell them I was to be interviewed today. . and that they had other people to interview for the position today. . so for my convenience of coming all the way up there. . they interviewed me but it was literally the shortest interview I have ever gone to in my life and they asked the same exact stuff I was asked before. . I left got in my cars in tears. . drove on the highway feeling numb and wanting a car to ram into me or drive me off the road so my skull could hit the steering wheel. .I just want a ->-bleeped-<-ing job. . and one with working with animals. . is that so much to ->-bleeped-<-ing ask for. . If I don't get the call of when they are apposed to which is early next week. . I am ->-bleeped-<-ing giving up. . and I just want to start T. . but my parents aren't in no way at all going to help me with funds. . research. . or just anything that has to do with the subject. .

I think it's safe to say that the majority of us here can identify with the way that you're feeling right now.  Getting the ball rolling is, by far, the hardest part of transitioning IMHO.

But, you have to be honest with yourself here and break things down.  What can YOU do to help your situation?  You are looking for a job - that's great and a perfect first step to independence.  I believe that once you achieve this independence, you will find that you will feel more in control as you will have your own money and means of actually starting the process.

So first things first - I suggest that you stop tearing your emotional body to pieces fretting over things that you can't change right now and focus on things that you can.  Don't let failed interviews be the sum of what you are and all that you will be because they're not.  I spent over 2 years and applied for more than 500 different positions and got ONE interview out of the lot.  Job hunting is stressful and it's not easy, but it's something that you have to do to achieve your goals. 

Have you spoken to your parents about your feelings regarding your possible trans* identity, etc.?  Because if you're living in the closet, you don't know how people will or will not be able to help you until you are honest with them - but you need to get control of yourself first and prove that you're not on some kind of emotional rampage or depressive delusion.  A well-controlled person who is clearly stable and looking to be an independent and functional member of society will give others the impression that they're not just in a phase, etc.  You may not be able to achieve this on your own without some manner of therapist intervention, as the others have suggested, to begin with.  Your family should be willing to help you with seeing a therapist if they care about you - and I know very few parents who are so callous as to ignore their child's severe emotional needs when it is clear that they are asking for help. 

The method I used was going to a regular herapist to start. I told her right away I was transgender and she referred me to a gender specialist. In my state it is mandatory to have 3 months of therapy before I can start my testosterone. I am currently still in the process of my months of therapy then my therapist will send me to a doctor to start that process. It is long and hard but very well worth the wait! Just go to a local therapedic office and ask them where you should go about getting treatment. Good luck!