Hi everyone

Well, the time has come for me to physically return to my day job in a university office (c40 people) having either worked from home full time, or been recovering from multiple ankle surgeries. Friday this week will be my first day in, having only pretty much been there once a week for 5 weeks last summer in between operations.

Outside of my immediate team of 9, there will be many new people who I haven't met before in person. I'm therefore thinking this Friday will be my first real opportunity to wear a binder to work and therefore present myself as masculine as possible whilst I'm still pre-T and pre-chest surgery etc.

My colleagues and the few others that have known me over the past 13 years or so I've worked there have up until now considered me an out butch lesbian, even though I've never ever felt female or comfortable being so myself. I misidentified myself as a teenager many years ago before I properly understood the meaning of being trans and as I have lived with the same female partner for over 20 years, that mis-identity has stuck. Note: I have always worn men's clothing full stop etc but never gone so far as binding because until recently, I didn't know it was feasible as I am annoyingly and very dysphoricly (is that a word) large-chested 36FF!

I have been trialling the Underworks 988 binder over the past few weeks whilst at home on my own. It doesn't get me flat but does minimise my chest although I have to frequently readjust to not appear like I have a large sim hula moon at the front. I keep moving them down and out which improves the look somewhat. I can't pass as flat-chested with just a T-shirt on but actually under a business shirt, which I usually wear to work anyway, my chest doesn't look too bad. Certainly better than without a binder! It's winter here in the UK but I'm already finding the binder really hot but I sweat a lot anyway on my back. I've tried wearing a vest underneath but I've noticed that the binder keeps rolling up and ending up around my ribs. I know my stomach is nowhere near flat yet but I'm working on that, so I'm guessing that's why as I've read that binders can roll up unless you're skinny or at least very toned. I can't decide whether to try the tri-top binder instead but have read that those have the same issues too. I know I won't cope well in a full-length binder as I have IBD issues along with my autoimmune inflammatory arthritis. I'm also debating about the Lesloveboat binders as I hear they're much more comfortable generally and better at achieving a flatter look.

Anyway, I was digressing. I am not yet out at work as trans, although my manager has an inkling because we have had instant messaging discussions about body dysphoria, indirectly meaning mine isn't just a case of not being happy that my stomach isn't flat, hips are too wide etc like the average woman who is never happy with their look.

Am I crazy to think that now is as good an opportunity as I'll get for me to start publicly presenting myself as male without actually saying 'hi again and BTW I'm a transman!'? My close colleagues I'm sure will notice a difference in me generally (my mum has recently so has been reminding me I'm her lovely daughter and am not a boy - not that I'm out yet as trans to them) and will surely notice my chest has sunk in somewhat because much to my dismay, it's always been impossible to disguise before (not that I knew the proper way to bind). Everyone else who I haven't met in person yet won't know any different, hence my reasoning that my physical absence for almost 2 years might play to my favour...

Or, should I wait until I'm further down the line and have been given the go-ahead to start T etc?

In an ideal world, I would love to have the confidence to present more as male in public by binding and packing. I did pack whilst out the other day for the first time ever and it felt exhilarating. Otherwise, I've just been doing so whilst at home on my own during the day. Is it just me or does packing give you a permanent hard on putting things bluntly even pre-T? That's been noticeable and a little distracting to say the least. I've been wondering whether it's mainly psychological because I feel more myself when I look at my reflection in the mirror, or whether it's purely because the packer is pressing on a certain area? :-)

One slight complication at the moment to me binding and packing at all, let alone in public, is that my wife doesn't yet know I have been doing so. Until I pluck up the courage to tell her, I would have to remove my binder before I get home from work and then somehow wash and dry it on the quiet. Not ideal I knew but I'm just trying to summon the courage to tell her I want to go male full-time (she wasn't too happy when she found out last year I'd been thinking I was trans so I will have to tread carefully and slowly).

Must go as she's just arrived home.

Thanks for your advice x

I wouldn't hide the binder from your partner - seems complicated. She probably knows you don't like your chest right? Just be as honest as possible up to a point. "Hey, so I didn't know you could buy these things until recently. Now I know, so as I hate my chest, I am going to start binding." There's no deception in that statement at all.

The packer though..I would just wait on wearing it until you are ready to have a more serious talk about everything with her. In terms of how she will view the situation, a packer in your pants crosses a line that strapping down your chest only begins to approach.

Now, as for people at work noticing you bind - let them notice. Some butch lesbians bind anyways. If they give it any thought, they will probably just think you're strapping down with a serious sports bra. Someone willing to ask you about your chest in a professional work environment would just be going down a road they shouldn't be anyways.

I second spacerace on talking to your wife. Hiding something like this is very difficult and can cause a lot of problems.

As for work, I went from girly one day to full on binding the next and no one said anything.

I agree with spacerace and Ayden.  Talk to your wife about the binder.  I would put the idea of the packer away for another day.

I think this is the perfect opporunity to bind at work.  People will think, "weren't her boobs bigger than that?" at the most, since they haven't seen you in some time.  Their minds won't go to binding.

I agree with everyone else. Talk to your partner about the binding first, then start doing it full time if thats what you want to do. The packer does complicate things if your partner isn't aware you're trans so I would wait to talk to her before you start to pack in public.

As far as the difficulty with your binding a very large chest. I can't offer personal experience as I'm very fit and muscular and have a small chest (36B, chest bordering on 38A) so my difficulty is more in the large broad shoulders I have than the issues you experience. However, when I was first starting to bind I had read an article someone who was DD had written saying that the best clothing to hide the chest is a button down shirt with angled lines, some with vertical lines work (never horizontal lines) and a solid color vest over the top. I know you mentioned wearing a vest but it sounds like you were talking about wearing one underneath not as a top layer. My cousin is also a DD, shes a butch lesbian not trans but she binds as well as she does drag shows and I noticed she always wears button down shirts and tries to wear a vest over the top too and it actually looks pretty flat. She doubles her binding up with an ace bandage but I know I've heard this can be dangerous so I'm not making that as a suggestion here since I have no personal experience using one, just letting you know what I've seen in large chested binding. I have been to a few of my cousins drag shows and some of the people are trans and some are cross dressers but most of the larger chested people do wear button down shirts and many wear a vest over the top.

I used to bind some days at my old job and no one ever said anything (and this was a pretty conservative professional place in the American south). I'm sure people noticed because my chest was there some days and some days not so much, but no one seemed to have a problem with it.

As far as choosing a binder goes, I'm also in the large moobs and not exactly washboard abs crowd and Loveboat binders are my friend. The pullover short binder is about as comfortable as I can imagine it's possible for such things to be as a larger guy, though I do have problems with inward migration as it were and have to re-adjust every so often. It gets me decently flat under a dress shirt. Not exactly sure what size I am for reference because I haven't worn a normal bra in ages, but sports bras it's XL. As for sweating, I've taken to wearing what I guess is like a training bra as kind of a binder liner and that absorbs a lot of the sweat so the binder doesn't have to be washed as often. Also keeps the binder from rubbing under the arms at all, and makes it harder for anything to escape out the sides. Doesn't actually reduce sweating at all, but it keeps things tidier at least.

I started binding at work and wearing men's instead of women's shirts - the only comment I got was that I looked more 'conservative', I guess because my chest was less obvious.

I've got a pretty average sized chest but I get a kind of uniboob in the front too after wearing my underworks binder for a few hours. I just duck off occasionally to adjust.

Hi guys

Thank you so much for your advice and reassurances. Ha, I just re- read my post and saw some weird typo about a 'large sim hula moon at the front'! Wow, that's iOS autocorrect for you. As you guessed, it meant to say large unimoob at the front! Oh, the joys of trying to type on my iPad!

Sorry for the delay in replying. These past couple of weeks have been full-on crazy manic, incredibly tiring and no time to get back to the forum when at home alone.

You're right, I do need to talk to my wife about my need to bind. She is fully aware that I hate my chest with a vengeance. Problem is, whenever I make a comment on that, she always responds that she loves my chest as it is. That makes me feel awkward as I'm massively dysphoric about my chest and my junk.

I took the plunge and wore my binder on Friday at work and then again on Monday for the afternoon in the office. I haven't yet found the right moment to mention the binder to my wife, so I wimped out and removed it before my drive home. Bad I know but I will address this. I do need to find the courage to bring the subject up but the next few days might provide the opportunity to do so as I've ordered a second one - in white this time so I can choose colour depending on what colour shirt I'm wearing above. I might mention something along the lines of wearing a binder does a similar job to women's compression underpants, which she has been known to wear very occasionally over the years. Hmmm. Not sure whether I'll get away with that but the principle of minimising a body part one is not happy with is the same! Just, being trans is a bigger reason to do so to lessen my dysphoria.

I have to say there must have been a noticeable difference in my appearance generally when I was in the office as even people who have known me for years didn't immediately recognise me! Yes, my hair is shorter too but only by a fraction. It's always been cut in a masculine style, so it's not like I've ever had girly long hair! My closest colleagues commented on how short my hair was and how it suited me. I think my overall look comes across as more male. I can't quite explain it as I've always worn guy clothes too. At least the reaction was favourable - well to me in person anyway. Who knows what rumours are flying around now?!

The one thing I know I need to get used to when binding is feeling like I can't quite catch my breath when I'm talking. I therefore end up feeling puffed. Yes, I know I'm wearing a binder in that I can feel the compression but I wouldn't say to the point of feeling uncomfortable until it's been on for quite a few hours. I hope the more I bind, the more I'll get used to the constriction. I used to practice a lot of tai chi and deep breathing comes kind of naturally. I will heed advice I've seen about not wearing binders 24/7 and taking deep breaths once taken off to minimise lung problems.

My first day of in-office binding I noticed my chest migrated to the uni-moob position a few times, which required re-adjusting. The second day I tried something slightly different as an experiment - I actually wore a bigger sized bra (gulp) underneath my binder, which still allowed me room inside the oversized cups (I've successfully started to lose weight, muscle up and drop my body fat percentage) to shove my moobs down and out. It weirdly seemed to help as I only had to re-position once in the afternoon. I will still reserve judgement though longer term and see it as work in progress. Thankfully my business shirts looked pretty good with a binder on and although my chest didn't look dead flat, it looked a lot more compressed than without it and more pec-like. My upper arms have seriously muscled up, which I'm very happy about, as have my thighs to some extent, so I hope that my overall appearance looks more like a bodybuilder, which helps with the non-flat chest.

Must go for now but thanks for being there with your great advice :-)