Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 10:05:29 am
I've been having thoughts of a similar nature myself, lately. But I've decided not to, for the time being. I have somewhat of an idea of the internal battle which is going on inside you, regarding what you want.
I'm not going to tell you what I think you should do, because it's a big thing either way. Once something is said, it can't be unsaid. But maybe that's for the best, and demons can be laid to rest. It's a choice only you can make, Cindy.
What I will say, however, is that the fact you posed the question leads me to believe that somewhere inside you, you already know the answer.
*big hug*
This
and this
Quote from: Jen on Yesterday at 04:37:53 pm
You feel if you expose your scars to the light you make yourself vulnerable to whatever backlash you imagine may result. You feel so fractured you just know the smallest thing will shatter you or, at best, weaken you even further–but it is the opposite. Your scars and your fears are monsters wrapped around your soul, which thrive on darkness, corrupting you from the core. Exposing them to the light is how you defeat them. Getting them out vaporizes them, and free of their grip, your soul finally has a chance to heal. And you will heal and become strong again.
It's like, when you harbor something—whether envy, or resentment, or terrible feelings born of terrible circumstances—it is inside of you, a part of you. That is what harboring means, letting a foreign object be a part of your collective whole. We do ourselves so much harm by holding onto the black bile inside of us. Harbor only good things that make you better.
It does need to be jettisoned, but you do need to pick a safe place to unload it though. These forums may or may not be that place.
From FA:
Two very wise ladies there.
As for me Cindy, you know I will support you either way. Like others said, I know some and what I know is heart wrenching. I can also see how it may be triggering to the other survivors here. But a trigger warning should be fine.
I also know what these night terrors are costing you. You have demons that appear in the night and when that happens I don't know what to do, or how to help. So, as a friend, I'm open and enthusiastic to anything that may help. I love you Cindy and I am here. Sometimes as mods and admins, we hold stuff in and are afraid to show weakness or the darker sides of our lives. But, Susan's Place is first and foremost, a support site. As an admin, I don't want mods to hold back. This is as much your support site as anyone else's. And especially you my dear, who has given so much to this place. You need support. We are here for you.
If you decide not to post on the forums, you know I will be there in private to listen as will no doubt countless others. We love you and we are here. We just want our Cindy to be okay. We don't want her to have nightmares anymore!
Me:
I'm still unsure but I will reflect.
Do I need to do this? Probably, at some time. Will I do this? Almost certainly.
Why am I reluctant?
Strange reasons, maybe. I know what I write will be extremely confronting. I cannot prevent people from reading it, and there are people who will have problems dealing with it, particularly young people who may read and fall into despair.
I may be challenged by people who will never understand, survival is a human condition and I survived, but incredulity is something that will hurt me. I don't fear that but I care about it.
I have just come out of 48 hours of shaking, it was a bad few nights and days. But I'm coming out of it.
My demons are hiding again, under the rocks they deserve to be under. They will return, I know that my dear dear friends here are aware of that; as I am.
So like Marley's ghost I will continue to walk my path dragging my chains, until I am strong enough to cast them aside.
And the sound of chains still trigger me.
Enough for now.
Thank you my brothers and sisters
Cindy
