Hi again everyone

I've been taking time to work out my own thoughts, feelings and eventual desires and have been using a number of ways to catalogue my thoughts on the pros and cons of going ahead with transition. It got me wondering what everyone else thought about the 'gains and losses' of transitioning.

So yeah, what did/would/will you gain, and loose from transitioning?

It was a bit of a tough question to answer for me. My loss list only had 2 items on it:

- The possibility of family and friends rejecting me
- The possibility of never having children (unless either A) store sperm or B) adopt)

In comparison, my gains list had these points:

- I'll be able to show emotion (some people think this is a negative - having spent 25 years as an emotionless robot, I don't).
- I'll be able to have nice hair, nails, makeup, and clothes.
- That feeling of 'something not right' will eventually vanish, and I'll know that I'm now "right".
- I'll no longer have to act false all the time.
- Hopefully self esteem. If I can go through transitioning, I should come out of it a much stronger person.
- No longer feel embarrassed about trying to be me, even with simple things like music or personal style choice.


What would your list contain, hypothetical or otherwise?

Family and friends accepted me so that goes of the list for me...

another negative...
hhhm maybe that since transition is a long process I have to deal with a lot of anxiety fears etc...
im sure someday those will diminish , I dont know when though...

as for the gain list...
everything you mentioned pretty much ,
all I want is to feel free and happy thats why im going through this...

I did not realize how stunted my identity is (was, getting stronger). I use to act as others expected me to act but I was missing my essence or core.

Pro
Lost fear,
I am happy,
physically I feel outstanding,
better smell,
loss of haze,
lost headaches,
accept myself and I am starting to like myself,
learning to address issues and not ignore (the wall) or hide (the dark woods).
My co-workers who know are really nice people and accept and welcome me ( I do not associate with jerks),
I have a LGBT primary care which is so wonderful,
I am much less afraid and at ease more.

Con
My wife tolerates me.
bigotry from a very few.

Quote from: ConfusedHumanUK on January 29, 2014, 01:36:30 PMSo yeah, what did/would/will you gain, and loose from transitioning?

Cons:
-higher chance of discrimination
-another thing that makes me weird

Pros:
-I get to be myself!
-My body may one day feel right.
-No more pretending to be someone else
-Self esteem and happiness because I love being me.
-Any other way of saying I get to be myself.

I waited so long that my list started to look like this:

Gain: Be myself, maybe find happiness, live out my life.

Lose: Irrelevant if I go insane and/or die.

What I gained: Freedom, happiness, honesty, compassion, empathy, friends, hair (in the right places), 2 cup sizes and much cuter wardrobe.

What I lost: Weight, BS, a drunkle, baggage, hair (in the wrong places), clothing I despised.

Gain:

* Being myself.
* An amazing life experience that few people have.

Loss:

* My marriage.
* The privilege of living with my daughter.
* A couple friends.
* The luxury of appearing in public without a wig or covering up my hairy places.
* About thirty five thousand dollars in medical expenses and twenty five thousand dollars in legal fees.
* A much simpler morning routine.

And worst of all,

* Apparently any possibility of ever having any kind of a love-life.

A pretty grim balance sheet for a decision that I still feel is one of the best of my life and that I have no regrets for.

I'd like to point out that most of the gains can be had without a full social transition.

- I'll be able to show emotion (some people think this is a negative - having spent 25 years as an emotionless robot, I don't).
Nothing stopping that except perhaps a sense of having to live up to perceived image you have for what a "guy" is like or should be like, and then some just so nobody sees through the facade

- I'll be able to have nice hair, nails, makeup, and clothes.

- That feeling of 'something not right' will eventually vanish, and I'll know that I'm now "right".
With self acceptance, some therapy, and support from a good TG group. All things you need to do one way or the other.

- I'll no longer have to act false all the time.
Same as showing emotion. Trying to live up to arbitrary image only gets worse over time. THe desire to will fade away with greater self acceptance

- Hopefully self esteem. If I can go through transitioning, I should come out of it a much stronger person.
I think you need self esteem to even attempt transition. That is provided you aren't at the end of your rope and see no other option. Just speaking from my own experiences from back in my 20's when my transition experiments failed in large part to lack of self esteem. Continuing to fake it seemed like a less painful option compared to seeing myself as an object of derision for the rest of my life.

- No longer feel embarrassed about trying to be me, even with simple things like music or personal style choice.
Kind of the same as showing emotions but more outwardly all the time. Easier to do with greater self acceptance and self esteem.

As a pre-jurasaic relic with a lot of life behind me the top losses I see for myself are:
1) Possible loss of respect in the workplace. That I'll no longer be seen as a great engineer/problem solver but more like a flake

2) Maybe 1B... Followed by loss of my job. Which at my age means no longer being able to get paid to do something I love and see more as playing, not working

3) Possible loss of having my BFF and wife in the picture. She is supportive, wants to see my happy. Yet, she cannot make any promises nor is it fair for me to expect or extract any from her.

The top gains:
1) To be happier overall being me and living a life that I want. Not a life I felt I needed to for a variety of reasons in the past.

2) Being able to feel real, genuine, all the time. To see, in a mirror, that I am what I feel inside