Frustrated and depressed
I went for my second visit to my new GP yesterday (my previous GP was totally unknowledgeable about trans* issues and unwilling to learn, and rather insulting on occasion) and while she hadn't yet prescribed HRT she is willing (in a general sense). I understand that (prescribing) HRT would be a new thing for her and that she would be, understandably, cautious.
My frustration comes from her reason for not prescribing for me, my depression. More specifically the way my depression manifests. I isolate myself (that's about it). I've been battling depression since my early to mid teens (when my mother preferred to call it 'laziness'), and I'm 38 now. I struggled along for several years and tried to finish high school after getting kicked out of my mother's, but missed too much time and eventually (after 2-3 years, I'm stubborn and kept trying despite the futility) my HS wouldn't let me re-enroll.
Right, I'm probably rambling a bit, sorry about that. Anyway, so I've been on Income Assistance (yay Canada) also known as welfare since I was 19, not a fact I usually prefer to announce since I'm not fond of being called a parasite, and have only had 2-3 short term jobs. Until recently I've spent probably 95% (or more) of my time since I was 19 inside, only going out to get groceries. Dealing with people just drained me of so much energy (being bullied a lot as a kid probably didn't help with that either), so I just isolated myself.
If anyone is still reading, I commend you for your patience (or your masochism, either way).
So...yeah, her issue with my depression is that I isolated myself. I didn't self-harm, I didn't abuse drugs or alcohol (alcohol in particular would have been SO easy, which is why I mostly kept my distance from it), I didn't abuse other people. If I understood her properly, depressed people usually still manage to lead reasonably productive social and work lives; I'll mention at this point that my depression was un-medicated, my previous GP had me try four or five different anti-depressants, none of them helped. So she finds my isolation odd and as a result she doesn't feel comfortable prescribing HRT for me. Although both the therapist who wrote my letter and I, feel that my remaining depression (I've been feeling a lot better since I started down the path to transition) would be easily dealt with by actually starting my transition (ie. HRT).
To be fair she did give me the names of two other doctors that do have experience in prescribing HRT, but I still feel really frustrated, and somewhat more depressed, because it seems like no matter what there is always some kind of obstacle!
Well, I suppose I'm finished embarrassing myself for the moment, so if you've read all of this, well...I'm very sorry that I can't give you back the time you wasted.
