How did you all start your RLT? Did you just show up, or was it gradual? What would be the best strategy for socially starting the RLT?

Quote from: Angel on August 08, 2007, 10:08:14 AM
How did you all start your RLT? Did you just show up, or was it gradual? What would be the best strategy for socially starting the RLT?

There doesn't seem to be a best approach, just pros and cons of different approaches.

Some people leave on friday as Bill in his suit and tie, and show up monday as Betty in her skirt and heels. One cool thing about it is people KNOW what's going on, having a definitive date and change of appearance to go by. The downside is it's a bit of a shock to people, and might create some initial animosity until people adjust.

I changed myself slowly, letting the HRT work it's magic and dressing more and more androgynously. Once it got to a point people were getting a little suspicious, I came out to management and then the employees. I STILL moved slowly though, which only confused everyone. Once they knew I was transitioning and that I wanted to be called Kate, they just wanted to get ON with it. THEY started calling me Kate on their own and asking when I was going to start dressing the part.

The lesson I learned is that people HATE ambiguity and feeling awkward. They don't mind people transitioning, they just hate not knowing how to treat you or what to call you. They just want direction and clarity, IMHO.

In the end though, management may dictate how they want you to handle things. Work with them and show that you're willing to keep the best interests of company in mind.

In personal life, I dressed kinda ambiguous for many months (though my wife laughs at me and says there was nothing ambiguous about it). Once I started getting seen more often as a female than male, I just went for it totally.

~Kate~

I pretty much had to wear slacks and then layered my tops to hide the boobs. Growing the hair out did not really shock anyone and neither did the earrings. I pretty much wore women's clothing mixed with button down men's shirts from almost day 1 and no one ever really noticed.

I eventually came out to HR, notified everyone, and then came in wearing a nice but practical outfit and makeup. Went over pretty well.

YMMV

Thank you for the advice, I'm pretty confident about work as my manager ha informed me that it isn't a big deal for the restaurant. She also said if anyone was to give me trouble I should not hesitate to inform her as she does not tolerate any harassment for this as it affects no one else but me.

Actually, i'm more concerned with attending classes as a woman. I suppose what i'm trying to ask is how did you come out to the public I guess. Did you just do it or did you prepare first? What helped your nerves?

Before you transition at work, you might want to 'practice' by coming out at church and/or with other groups first.  So long as YOU are confident, things should go well. 

What is your timetable?

Robyn

Well, I hope to finish my name change by the end of December. In the mean time I hope to tran my voice to a respectable degree, most people say it isn't to bad and on recordings I agree. I plan to start running first thing in the morning once I gt to the dorms as my current work schedule keeps me from doing so. The workout will hopefully help me lose a little weight to improve my figure. Finally I hope to take at least an inch off of my waist with my corset by December, if I can do it without killing myself that is.

The plan is that come January 1st that I'm living full time as a woman. Thus I have a week and a half to get ready for going back to school in the spring as a woman. I decided that with going back to school after an extended leave it would be better to use the fall semester to prepare my safety net of friends and to just plain get accustomed to school again. I'm also using it to meet with the school lawyer and consoler o find out what would be acceptable with the university and to continue therapy respectively.

However, I really am unsure of hw to handle the social setting of friends and classrooms. I know this will cause a really big stir. So what advice cn you give me? How does my plan seem?

I think this winds up differently for most of us.

Yes, some set a date. They get whatever procedures done they feel are necessary to making that date as successful as possible.

Others of us have a harder time realizing just when it was that we started being fulltime. I am one of that second group.

It turned out for me that fulltime just kinda occurred and was a bit disconcerting when it did. People just began to referring to me as miss, maam, she, her, that woman and I went with it. 

I was lucky with hrt and the changes it made for me. My androgynous clothing seemed usual for me. But, then other people decided, apparently, that I was a woman when we interacted. I had not set a date, in fact, as far as work was concerned I was trying to delay changes, well, their recognition of them. But, new people and customers began gendering me female when they met me. Go figure.

There may just not be a particular date on which one begins RLT, except in regards to your therapist/gatekeeper and yourself. Sometimes life just takes over.

My body refused to go with my timetable.  I think that the best laid plans often go awry and this journey, like many, requires a certain comfort with living with the unexpected. YMMV.

Nichole

Quote from: Angel on August 08, 2007, 10:08:14 AM
How did you all start your RLT? Did you just show up, or was it gradual? What would be the best strategy for socially starting the RLT?

Mine was a gradual change leading to a definite date (January 2 of this year). I began making changes (long hair, pierced ears) three years before I went full time, and years before I even committed to doing so. I also came out to coworkers as well as friends, so that there was no fear of being discovered. These things made it easier, I think.

I transitioned outside of work seven months in advance, before I had even changed my ID. A few months before the day I stopped tying my hair back, and I began to adjust my voice. The physical changes were too slight to be noticeable. I also told some of my coworkers, mostly women, what I was planning to do, and I knew that they supported me. The last steps were to check with HR, coordinate my name change with my employee ID change (that took some planning), announce what I was doing by email (while in the office, actually), and leave on vacation for 10 days.

It very went smoothly. The only glitch was that IT was two days late changing my online intranet identity; that was annoying but not unexpected. The company is quite casual and most of the women don't wear makeup, and I have to use some, but between my own experience and a TG consultant's advice I found the right balance. The most obvious change was the partial that I wear, due to hair loss. I just told them about it in the email announcement, which pointed to my personal website for more information (and photos) and that was enough.

I started with rather androgynous outfits when I transitioned, but I have gradually shifted to more feminine styles. None of my coworkers wear skirts to work, so I don't either. I continue going out to lunch with the group when we are all in the office, even though most of the time that means "lunch with the guys."

The relief was immediate. I don't know now why I worried so much or waited so long.

There are probably other girls who have done the same thing as me by just going to the therapist dressed like we always have and listened to the yada yada yada about RLT and Hormones then they ask you if that is something you want to do and you say well I have been on hormones for 6 years, I live full time now and have already changed my name, mmmmmm, well I hear them say then they go on about the government requiring it to be documented, so you go along with it and just turn up for the appointments then they say after getting the Endo's report, well its obvious from your hormone levels that you are indeed a female and would you like to start RLT, I say yes and thats that. no bells or whistles or fanfare, no parade just me walking out the same as I have always, a bit of a let down really but then I think to myself after SRS I will be celebrating.

Sara.

Very slowly, very gradually, I began to feminize my appearance at work about two years ago. I'd already had long hair before I started working there. I began gradually wearing more and more articles of women's clothing. This was noticed. People just assumed I was a gay guy but didn't ask me about it. For at least a year now, I have been wearing 100% women's clothing to work, plus earrings, makeup, perfume. I have gotten in the habit of feminizing my voice so much I can't even produce a credible male voice any more.

The other day at work someone noticed my breasts and asked my friend if I was wearing a bra. (Imagine--a man asking any other woman at work if she was wearing a bra! He'd be lucky if all he got was his face slapped.) He asked if I was taking hormones and why I was wearing more makeup. My friend just told him if he really wanted to know he'd have to ask me himself. Of course, he could not bring himself to do that. Anyway, it's obvious that I'm known as a probable ->-bleeped-<- to at least some of my co-workers. There has been gossip behind my back for almost 2 years about whether I'm a ->-bleeped-<- or just a gay guy. The real gay guy at the office has become very friendly toward me. I like him, he's nice.

The reason why I'm wearing more makeup every day is that I've had only 2 laser treatments so far, with good results, but it's still incomplete. My beard is/was very coarse and dark. I have clear patches alternating with still-dark patches. You know, that looks awfully weird. I have to wear makeup every day now just to give my face an even tone. My skin is too delicate to take shaving every day and I used to go around with stubble half the time. But I can't do that any more, and everyday shaving leaves my skin dark red irritated in the patches that still have some beard. Another reason I need makeup to not look like a horror movie character.

I've resolved I will never use a men's room again-- I'm able to pass now-- but only if beard shadow is eliminated (nothing kills the look like beard shadow). So with makeup I'm able to use the ladies' room at work on a different floor from my co-workers and have not had any difficulties--knock on wood.

I'm waiting until I've had more laser treatments before officially making the switch, getting my legal name change, getting a new badge and nameplate made, etc. I sense that people are already waiting for the other gender shoe to drop and it will come as a relief when that finally happens. Right now it's kind of uncomfortable because I look more woman than man but am still officially considered a man. It's so hard to have patience waiting for the laser to be completed! I have just set a target date for my transition--it will be in March, in commemoration of National Women's Day. By then I should have had 2 or 3 more laser treatments. But I'm looking at an uncomfortable 6 months ahead.