First of all, here's what happened....... My girlfriend Rachel broke up with me this Tuesday and I'm really sad I didn't even tell her that I wished I was a girl I was really into making the relationship work because she lives in Blue Springs, about 25 minutes from Lee's Summit where I live. Somewhere between the beginning of school and the end of second hour, she was taking longer than usual to answer my messages. I got a text later saying that she was really busy but that she was at lunch so she could talk for like 20 minutes, she said she had to go 3 minutes later. I asked her sometime after that if we were ok and she said yes. Then at about 4:00 that afternoon, she called and told me that she didn't think she was ready for a boyfriend, and oh yea, that dance we were going to go to together...she wouldn't be going to that either. On top of that, I think she may have blocked my number so I can't apologize because I feel like it's totally my fault
    During this relationship I would wake up everyday thinking, " It's great to be a man!" Now that it's been a few days I'm starting to realize that that was just me trying to make me feel good about denying Kayla. I am a woman! There I said it. I just really need to get my feelings in order so that Kayla can eventually be out 24/7. I really wish I could say I feel good about myself but often times I don't. I'm worried that sometimes people see right through me and I'm afraid that they won't like what they see. I know I need to be myself. I'm so sick of the conflicting emotions between my outside and my inside. I've prayed about it a lot.
    Currently, I'm unable to go to therapy and get hormones because I'm 17 and my parents don't believe that I'm a girl Also, none of my friends know either. Right now, I really could use some suggestions on how to stop denying the fact that I'm a female and that it's ok for me to be such and just some subtle girl things I can start doing on a daily basis that will help me to be myself.
Kisses,
Kayla

Congratulations baby! You took the important step in just admitting to all of us who and what you really are.

I found that by accepting what I knew all along about myself I became a very different person just doing that. With no inner struggle and energy used to pass as a male I was free to be me and what do you know, the real me is a sweetie! A whole lot of flirt and sass, but really sweet. The kind of caring person that others actually want to be around now. I am no longer the angry, upset, menacing ogre, but a person who loves life and herself as much as others. I think this will happen to you as well.

As for the other stuff, just pamper yourself a little. Take time for long bubble baths with candles, shave your legs and arms and listen and sing along with girl music. Grow your fingernails out, decorate your room all very simple things to start with. One thing that made me happy was finding the perfect perfume "Pleasures" and spritzing a little on my pillow at night so I could fall asleep with the wonderful fragrance in my nose. I actually dreamed a few times that by breathing it all night I had somehow turned magically into a woman. It is great to wake up to the smells also. Just do tiny things and work your way up to wearing panties or something like that. You can still be a girl in a mans world and hide it. I did it for 40 years! One thing though, once Kayla is loose there will be no caging her anymore. I completely skipped Part Time and went Full Time, so fair warning!

I agree with you, it felt good to be with my gf as well. Maybe not "its great to be a man good", as I never really acted like that towards her, but good as in being with someone, feeling wanted and liked.

Is there someone at school you could talk to? Counselor, advisor, nurse? Maybe they could help.

I don't really think so Livingthedream I wish but I don't think so

hi Kayla,
I choose to not allow me to grow when I was your age, mostly because i did not have the courage nor the means to stand up on my own either, there are so many little things that you can do get past 17 so you can make decisions for yourself, find enough to stay in your comfort zone but give you some relief, painted toes, panties, I dont know but you will.
for me of everything in life i regret the most is denying me and building an entire person who I can not be.
there was no way i was ready before i went but i knew, and i just tried to ignore it and thought i had it. I am so sorry to hear about your friend that is always so hard of a moment. please focus on what you have and what you bring to the table, not what is not in your control. mostly though just take every day day one at a time this is going to be the best time of your life if you let it. every day fro here going forward you will gain confidence and strength, because you know who you are. some days will be baby steps and some days mass strides and leaps releish each and every one.
my love and best wishes sister
Jerri

Thank you Jerri, my toes are actually painted right now Two weeks

mine too,
just bought a new color today it is an awesome covergirl  totally pink color, i am very fair complexion so tend to go kind of light on my colors

Mine are clear lol

Just did my toenails and fingernails with "Hot Chili Pepper Red", sigh!

Awesome Jess! I bet they're really cute

I just wish I had someone to share them with!*giggle*

Oh Jessica *giggle*

O My,
wish we all could just go up town and share them with the world tonight,
I am just hanging around in my sandles it is way to cold to go out in them though lol

Ya'll could post em! As for myself, hate long nails, always break, scratching hurts etc, but they sure look pretty when done right 

Haha I actually tried painting my fingernails clear once too, I loved them but my mom caught me and made me wash it off

Quote from: Jerri on February 01, 2014, 03:53:27 PM
O My,
wish we all could just go up town and share them with the world tonight,
I am just hanging around in my sandles it is way to cold to go out in them though lol

I know the feeling Jerri! They are predicting Snowmeggedon for us here in central Oklahoma all week. The last one we lost power for 13 days straight. I have a generator now though!

lol
i just read my post, i have all my clothes on including my sandels  (giggles a bit), maybe another topic for nails done right 'tehehe'

I'd say just start living as you. If you can't be full time then go part time. Some time is better then no time..

Mz Kayla
((((Super big hugggz))))
hang in there hun
Jerri

Quote from: Jerri on February 01, 2014, 04:10:57 PM
lol
i just read my post, i have all my clothes on including my sandels  (giggles a bit).

LMAO!!!!!