Hi Everyone

I just joined the forum. I am the parent of a 22 year old son who also is on the Autism Spectrum. I have accepted my new son but we live in a very small community in BC so as a family we have only shared with a few friends and some family. I love my son but I cannot lie, there are times when I still miss my girl. I found a baby pic of her the other day and just felt a little sad. My son told us he was a boy when he was nineteen but because of his Aspergers we did not take it seriously and consequently a year later he tried to take his life. I rushed him to the hospital and they put him in the psych ward for a week and it was like a miracle, all the right people appeared and were ready and willing to help my son.

He will have been on testosterone for 2 years in May and he has surgeries this spring booked. He is taking things slow and easy and seems to be thriving where as a female he suffered from depression and always walked with his head down slouched over. Now he walks straight and proud. The change was amazing and as a family we have watched as his voice changed to a lower pitch and he took on more and more male mannerisms. My husband has accepted our new son but has not told any of his friends or co-workers, so it becomes a bit awkward when someone asks about our daughter.... Anyway that is a bit about the journey we are having with our new son. I would love to know if there are any parents who have transgender children on the Autism Spectrum because that is a whole other challenge and would love to connect with parents who are dealing with this also. If anyone wants to ask me any questions I am open to questions or offering support to other parents. I guess it just boils down to loving your kid and wanting him or her to be happy.

Hi. Welcome.
Not having a TS child I had to do some searching. I would suggest contacting Pflag, and trans youth family allies (TYFA, but not to be confused with the Texas Youth Football Association).

My spouse is however gender queer and has transitioned via surgery and cross sex hormones. So I can understand and empathize with a number of family issues involved in a family member transitioning.

The autism angle seems to be a bit more common than you may think.

A big warm welcome to Susan's! Thank you for the support you have shown your son, it makes all the difference in the world believe me. It is not easy when family are faced with this situation, but I think you have handled it very well. Some of us were forced to bury these feelings because of negative family reactions 30 or 40 years and even when it got desperate support was still not there. I hope we provide you with enough information to ease any feelings you still have. Please ask questions, vent, share good news or find a shoulder when it gets to be too much. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) for your courage and dedication to your son.

QuoteSome of us were forced to bury these feelings because of negative family reactions 30 or 40 years and even when it got desperate support was still not there.

I was told by Deven's Dr. that because of the Asperger's he was sure it was not a phase he was going through because my son would have to deal with how he was feeling and would not be able to keep it to himself. I know when he first told us we all thought it his way of trying to belong somewhere and did not give it the credence it deserved. It all came to a head when Deven saw a program on television about how it was possible to stop puberty and how much he wished we would have been able to do that. His teen years were a nightmare. He was bullied for being "different" meaning the mannerisms from being on the spectrum and his inability to pick up on social cues and body language, and did not tell a soul what was happening. He had no self confidence as a girl and walked slouched over to try and hide his breasts and rarely made eye contact.  I know if I could go back in time and do things differently I would have stopped his puberty. Having been on the testosterone for almost two years has changed him inside and out. He is much more confident and walks straight and proud. He still has trouble making friends and having a social life, but that is his choice right now as he is well liked and accepted where he works. He is on the waiting list for top surgery so he is counting the days until he won't have to wear a binder. The first operation is the hysterectomy which will be sometime in the spring. As a mother I worry about the surgery but I will support his decisions. We are lucky because we have an amazing Dr. ,Trevor Corneil if you google him he has a video called "It Gets Better" on youtube. to help us all through Deven's journey.

I know I waited a long time to join a forum or talk to anyone about this, but felt it was time to reach out a bit. My husband has not told a soul and fears about what people at work will think so I wish he would talk to someone and share his feelings with someone he trusts. We live in a small community and pretty much keep to ourselves which is fine with me right now.

Thank you for the welcome and the replies, it is good to know there is a safe place to vent or share all the feelings that have come up lately. I think the trigger for me was finding the baby picture of "Savannah" and just feeling very sad and feeling guilty for feeling sad because I see how happy Deven is now and how could I ever deny him that. So yes, I am very supportive and love my son very much but there are times I miss my daughter. Deven went on a rampage and deleted any photos of Savannah and removed all the pictures from the photo album so that baby picture is very precious to me.

Hi Devensmom,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

It's a long held belief of mine that people like yourself are the unsung heroes of this community. Often you have little notice of such mammoth life changing events and are expected to adjust overnight. Your support, love and lifelong commitment is the glue that keeps the TG person together.

Thank you for he sacrifices you continue to make.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

 Devensmom,  you are such a great mom to your son.  Helping him to get started on T and now being able to get top surgery and a hyster.  Keep us informed on how both surgeries go.  I am FTM 23 in college, needing to graduate and make some money to get my surgeries.