Quote from: caleb. on January 20, 2014, 06:24:32 PM
This is basically how I feel. I think when a lot of people say they wish they were men though, they mean they wish they were male sexed. Or they don't feel secure in their maleness just yet.

I sometimes still wish I was female so I could spend my surgery money on something like a car. You know, like other people my age do. It gets me down.

I'm so glad I started looking at these posts It so amazing how our situation  really only differs in that we're opposite . We go through the same process the same feelings for the most part, given that we're all unique individuals. I truly appreciate viewing these  posts.

Quote from: caleb. on January 20, 2014, 06:24:32 PM
This is basically how I feel. I think when a lot of people say they wish they were men though, they mean they wish they were male sexed. Or they don't feel secure in their maleness just yet.

I sometimes still wish I was female so I could spend my surgery money on something like a car. You know, like other people my age do. It gets me down.

I guess I think this is what I mean?  I wish I was male-bodied, 46XY, whatever you feel like calling it, on a regular basis.  I do sometimes wish my gender ('man'? or however it is i identify) was on the feminine side of things, so that I could stop being so uncomfortable.  When I say I fantasize about being a dude, I mean that I imagine being male-bodied, not about acting any differently socially or anything like that.

EDIT: however, i wasn't all that shocked about menstruating or anything like that -- i recognized that i was female-bodied, and would develop into an adult female (although I don't recall being excited about it -- i was happy to be heading towards adulthood, but i do recall the breasts thing bumming me out when they got bigger), and I went through the normal amount of EW GOD WHY that every female does when they start their periods.

it seems that most trans guys thought they would develop into adult males?  which makes me doubt my own identity

Quote from: stephaniec on January 20, 2014, 07:44:11 PM
I'm so glad I started looking at these posts It so amazing how our situation  really only differs in that we're opposite . We go through the same process the same feelings for the most part, given that we're all unique individuals. I truly appreciate viewing these  posts.

It really is amazing isn't it?

Quote from: jackalope on January 20, 2014, 07:44:53 PM
 

I guess I think this is what I mean?  I wish I was male-bodied, 46XY, whatever you feel like calling it, on a regular basis.  I do sometimes wish my gender ('man'? or however it is i identify) was on the feminine side of things, so that I could stop being so uncomfortable.  When I say I fantasize about being a dude, I mean that I imagine being male-bodied, not about acting any differently socially or anything like that.

EDIT: however, i wasn't all that shocked about menstruating or anything like that -- i recognized that i was female-bodied, and would develop into an adult female (although I don't recall being excited about it -- i was happy to be heading towards adulthood, but i do recall the breasts thing bumming me out when they got bigger), and I went through the normal amount of EW GOD WHY that every female does when they start their periods.

it seems that most trans guys thought they would develop into adult males?  which makes me doubt my own identity

Well, I did think I'd grow up to be an adult male, but I was a kid who didn't know how this stuff worked, you know? When I hit puberty I was mostly in denial. Like "Oh, I haven't gotten a period and my friends have, maybe I'll never get it, and I'll go to the doctors and they'll discover the truth..." And when it came I just felt like "...really? *sigh*" I guess it just made it real for me, that's all.

Reflect on this question:

Are you afraid of the truth about your gender identity?

If so, consider why. If not, answer the following questions:

Do you know how it feels to be a man? Do you know how it feels to be a woman?
Which one do you know best?

If you transition, you consider the possibility of a future regret?

Reinforcing the above question:

If you do not transition, do you think your life will remain the same? Do you will feel better or worse?

Try to find these answers.
Until tomorrow at noon. Thank you.
(Just kidding. Do not press yourself so much!) 

Quote from: jackalope on January 20, 2014, 07:44:53 PM
EDIT: however, i wasn't all that shocked about menstruating or anything like that -- i recognized that i was female-bodied, and would develop into an adult female (although I don't recall being excited about it -- i was happy to be heading towards adulthood, but i do recall the breasts thing bumming me out when they got bigger), and I went through the normal amount of EW GOD WHY that every female does when they start their periods.

it seems that most trans guys thought they would develop into adult males?  which makes me doubt my own identity

Dude, definitely not! I was very conscious about menstruation when my menarche came. I always knew that I would develop into an adult female. Ok, at my first bleeding I cried and I cried, but... it's my history. I think you will find yourself more easily if you stop compare yourself so much with others! Gender isn't black or white, is a spectrum!

the best way I can describe my coming to terms with being trans was:

I'd think about myself, where i was fitting currently in the world and society. I was a woman technically. but there was no way i was fitting the woman part, i guess. in gym, im sure a few girls thought i could have been a lesbian, i would stare on accident, i wasn't comfortable with the act of changing in front of women because, that whole, we're all girls here, didn't feel like it applied to me.

It got to a point when i started questioning myself and my gender that i went well im not a girl. nor do i particularly find any benefit to being female. i was inbetween. i had never heard of transgender FTMs before about a year ago. It was hard to come to terms with for sure. I felt like an alien, why was i so messed up in the head?

then came some therapy. I always clung tot eh fact i liked cute things as keeping myself female. though i hated my body and i didn't really look girly i just clung tot eh belief my like of cute things would keep me female.

then i realized i could still be me, and be a man. there was no one but myself telling me i couldn't.

so once there were no obstacles for me i just sort of went:

ok, you're not a woman or a man right now. which one do you want. and i picked man. simply put i just went f*** it I'm a man. and since i did, i feel fantastic. and each step i take towards manhood i feel better. and at first it felt like i was talking myself into it and trying to make myself believe i was trans but no i am definitely happier and i know this was the path i need to go on. and the longer i put it off the more miserable ill be.

so, again only you can make that decision of wether or not you'll transition. or not or whatever you decide there is no perfect answer.

transition came pretty fast for me. One day I went to a therapist for severe depression about not being able to find anyone. Lost my job went spiraling to a far deeper depression the next week. End up in psych ward realized I was transgender, started HRT and never looked back.

Everyone's experience is different, and some transfolks have much more severe dysphoria than others. Personally, for most of my life I accepted the fact that I was pretty much stuck as a woman and became complacent with my body. I also didn't want to act any differently socially, I just wanted the physical secondary sex characteristics- the clean lines of a flat chest and the deepest, most resonant voice I could have Just from what I've read here, I'd say that you sound like you are transgender, but maybe are on the low end of the dysphoria scale, which may mean that you are better able than some folks to tolerate living as female, IF you choose to go down that path.

Quote from: BeefxCake on February 05, 2014, 05:11:39 PM
the best way I can describe my coming to terms with being trans was:

I'd think about myself, where i was fitting currently in the world and society. I was a woman technically. but there was no way i was fitting the woman part, i guess. in gym, im sure a few girls thought i could have been a lesbian, i would stare on accident, i wasn't comfortable with the act of changing in front of women because, that whole, we're all girls here, didn't feel like it applied to me.

It got to a point when i started questioning myself and my gender that i went well im not a girl. nor do i particularly find any benefit to being female. i was inbetween. i had never heard of transgender FTMs before about a year ago. It was hard to come to terms with for sure. I felt like an alien, why was i so messed up in the head?

then came some therapy. I always clung tot eh fact i liked cute things as keeping myself female. though i hated my body and i didn't really look girly i just clung tot eh belief my like of cute things would keep me female.

then i realized i could still be me, and be a man. there was no one but myself telling me i couldn't.

so once there were no obstacles for me i just sort of went:

ok, you're not a woman or a man right now. which one do you want. and i picked man. simply put i just went f*** it I'm a man. and since i did, i feel fantastic. and each step i take towards manhood i feel better. and at first it felt like i was talking myself into it and trying to make myself believe i was trans but no i am definitely happier and i know this was the path i need to go on. and the longer i put it off the more miserable ill be.

so, again only you can make that decision of wether or not you'll transition. or not or whatever you decide there is no perfect answer.

You have put into words some of the ways I feel, and thoughts I have recently had. I NEVER felt comfortable changing in front of women and "we're all girls" was just a line of BS to me.

Jackalope,
It sounds like you are furiously fighting to stay afloat in your mind. I hope you can start to find some clarity soon. Pretty soon I am going to go start my own "oh heck what is going on in my head" thread. I wish there was a checklist, or manual, flow chart....Venn diagram?! ...something to make it easier to know.
-Also questioning my own reality.

There is no one "trans narrative", and the one you often hear ("born into the wrong body" thing) is an exageration anyway. I am on educational panels, telling people about being trans. There may be 4-6 of us, and we all have a completely different story-- when we figured it out, how we felt about our bodies, etc.

I didn't so much hate my body, as felt I didn't belong in it. I lived most of my life outside of it, in a sense. I did NOT think I would grow up as an adult male, I pretty well knew I would not grow a penis, and so on.

I am actually pretty well happy to be a trans person, and have a little of each (I don't like that way of framing it, but have no idea how to do this in a few sentences). I know that there are other people here that see themselves as men (or women in other areas of the forum), and as having a birth defect, which I don't think of this as. I am saying all this to show that there really is NOT one way you can be transgender. You know what they say? If you know one transgender person, you know one transgender person.

--Jay