So yesterday on my way to a job interview my transmission went out in my car. My insurance wont cover it and I have nor the money to fix it, and dont have the credit to qualify for the loan to fix it, or get a new junker unless I get a co-signer. My current job requires that I have a car and be mobile. With how cold it was, I didnt have a ride home for several hours and I was dressed in nothing but general female formal interview attire. I tried to walk home I was so upset. my heels broke, the shoe part dug through my heels untill it hit meat and shredded my feet. I just kept walking through the cold until I hit the late stages of hypothermia and a police officer found me wandering in the highway. I was so cold I was completely gone mentally. Took me a few hours in the hospital to know finally figure out where I was. I was lucky I didnt lose any fingers or toes, even tho I got cold blisters all over on my feet. After thinking about it, I really have given up.... I seriously tried to kill myself, my goal was to walk as far as I could in the cold, until I died. I just got the job, just got that car fixed after the battery went out, found a new job I could support myself on, and now I cant go to that job because now my car is dead. I thought life was looking up, sure the hell it wasnt. it took a giant turn for the worst. I dunno what to do. I really dont. I got a job doing companion care, looking after elderly people, but I need that care to transport them too and from appointments, errands, ect ect. I dunno what to do. I really wish the cold had taken me.

Hi ,

I am not that good at motivational speeches , but I know you should try relaxing , have some sweets and a good long sleep . I get very depressed fairly often , and I know that sometimes it is even worse , when you feel like your life is falling apart on multiple domains , you find no escape , your mind is overwhelmed .
But I also know , that after a few days , even if you don't do anything actively  , it won't seem so bad anymore , and solution will start to appear , you will figure it out and maybe someone else will help too .
Think that you are not alone , we are all here to support you and also most of us have big problems .
Also when I get suicidal , I feel the strongest , as I don't care about anything , so I can think in a wider field , I don't have to mind so many restrains that unconsciously stress me .It is like : 'I will die , at least I could do whatever I like , whatever I want and think '  , and then , by doing that , I usually get to solve some of my problems and improve my life .
I know this doesn't help you practically , but you have to loosen up a little , relax your mind , the more you think about it now the worse it looks , but that is mainly because of depression and overwhelming .

oh dear Teela....

I have felt those desires while depressed more times than I care to count and I am sure many of us have felt that way too.
If I could just reach out my arms and hug you tightly dear sister I would, but I will settle for a cosmic cyber hug !
We are all here to support you Teela and it is never as terrible as our minds might make it out to be. Sometimes we just need to talk to someone. Someone who understands us, and listens with compassion and caring. A little human touch to remind us of our humanity. You are a precious woman of value and I would hate to see anything happen to you. You are special part of our special community, so please, please talk to someone like a therapist, it will help.

I know it might sound cliché....but it really will get better, I promise !!!!!




Many hugs !!!!

All of us transitioning pass into these extreme worst situations on our lives. In 2009, I had worse things happen to me but as time pass by years and years you'll see the path becomes smoother and smoother. Be aware you're not the only one who pass through extreme depression, we all are on and off. Being trans is a lifetime fight.

Quote from: ana on February 08, 2014, 07:46:28 AM
oh dear Teela....

I have felt those desires while depressed more times than I care to count and I am sure many of us have felt that way too.
If I could just reach out my arms and hug you tightly dear sister I would, but I will settle for a cosmic cyber hug !
We are all here to support you Teela and it is never as terrible as our minds might make it out to be. Sometimes we just need to talk to someone. Someone who understands us, and listens with compassion and caring. A little human touch to remind us of our humanity. You are a precious woman of value and I would hate to see anything happen to you. You are special part of our special community, so please, please talk to someone like a therapist, it will help.

I know it might sound cliché....but it really will get better, I promise !!!!!




Many hugs !!!!

*hugs* thank you.

Dont give in! Dont let them win! Life is super stressful I know and its amount of sucky days or events never comes in small quantity. Those days of everything just gets worse and worse happen. Try to learn from them in the future so life wont suck the life out of you. Death is never the easy way out, it only brings more pain and confusion.

We're here for ya girl. Don't give up on us because we need ya!    

Don't give up Teela, something will work out

Hugs

Teela: I wish I had a spare car you could have tomorrow.  I hate to see you struggling every other time you post.  And I don't want you to die.   But I don't know where you can find a little help down there, or if you still have support from Sour Skittles.  If you were here in the UP I'd have you stay in the spare room, feed you some home cooked food, and let your life heal up a bit.

Anyway, if you ever do come back to the UP some day look me up in South Range.  I'd really love to buy a pizza in town, and talk about life over a few beers.

I know what hard times are like, and I've wanted to die while walking aimlessly through a cold snowy night.  But I'm glad we're both still here to talk about it.

Hugs girl.   Real big hugs.
K

Hun im so sorry things still aren't getting better for you. Just a thought but have you thought about trying  factory? You can go thru a temp agency and while getting your bills paid save up enough money to get a more reliable car so you can go back into home healthcare. Yes it may be dirty, hot and uncomfortable work, but the money is good (i started at $10/hr and just got a raise to $12.50) and can really help get things back on track.

I am so glad you are still with us Teela! I wish I could ease your pain and convince you things do get better, but I do know how you feel and hope you accept my sincerity. I wish I was there with you to help out. This is the best I can do right now though.
Here are hugs for the next week! Please take care baby.

I'm sorry, I hope things get better. I'm struggling my self and its not fun.

Don't ever give up!

I know how you feel. I struggle with depression and I've had suicidal thoughts before. Just try and stay strong! *hugs*

Can't say anything else that hasn't already been said. Just know that others have been here before and have survived! Stay strong and keep positive. It will get better.

Girl I'm sorry.that really does sound like a awful day but def don't give up just yet

Dear Teela,

That was a bad thing that happened to you, and you had the right to sink into despair.

I am sending you my best wishes for an opportunity to appear on your path.

Hugs,

P

Teela,

Hold on, and hang in there. Know that you are loved.

We're here for you.

Some days, everything goes so well, but other times it is getting worse and wore, and everything becomes twisted. That is our life. Endless cycles of rising and declining. Certainly you will have a better day very soon.

barbie~~

Quote from: kathyk on February 08, 2014, 08:47:09 AM
Teela: I wish I had a spare car you could have tomorrow.  I hate to see you struggling every other time you post.  And I don't want you to die.   But I don't know where you can find a little help down there, or if you still have support from Sour Skittles.  If you were here in the UP I'd have you stay in the spare room, feed you some home cooked food, and let your life heal up a bit.

Anyway, if you ever do come back to the UP some day look me up in South Range.  I'd really love to buy a pizza in town, and talk about life over a few beers.

I know what hard times are like, and I've wanted to die while walking aimlessly through a cold snowy night.  But I'm glad we're both still here to talk about it.

Hugs girl.   Real big hugs.
K

My father has colon cancer so I might be back up that way in the next few months to deal with bad tidings.

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles Teela. I wish there was something I could do to help but all I can offer is support. Try to keep your head up as best you can. Right now things are tough but they can make you a stronger person in the end.

Big big hugs hun.