Really sorry to hear life is kicking you while you're down. I think you're a very strong women first for admitting what you were doing and second for talking to people about it. You never know, maybe something worse would have happened if the day didn't play out as it did. I'm glad you're still with us, stay strong.

The writer Anne Sexton wrote:
  "Now listen, life is lovely, but I CAN'T LIVE IT. ... To be alive , yes alive, but not able to live it. Aye, that's the rub. I am like a stone that lives ... locked outside of all that is real ... I wish, or think I wish, that I were dying of something, for then I could be brave, but to be not dying and yet ... and yet to be behind a wall, watching everyone fit in where I can't, to talk behind a grey foggy wall, to live but ... to do it all wrong ... I'm not a part. I'm not a member. I'm frozen"
  She committed suicide.
  I read this over and over again 8 months ago, when I was thinking suicide was my last and only option. I came home every night from work, read this then pulled a knife across my upper arm until blood was dripping from my elbow. Just to feel real. I am one of the most upbeat people I have ever met, but even I get down.
  I started looking for statistics and found this:
A study in the late 70s tracked down 515 people who were stopped from jumping off the golden gate bridge. 94% were either alive or died of natural causes.
  It made me rethink everything. I decided that sometimes life just sucks, the point is to get through it.
I made it through to the other side and you can too. PLEASE don't give up yet. Be one of the 94% with me.
  This week when I realized I was a woman. I wrote a poem to remind myself if I ever get down again.
It's corny so please don't laugh. This is the first time I've shown my poetry to anyone.

"Sunset", by Michelle

Flame tipped waves dancing below
Give three small questions before you go
Asks coppery cotton clouds that fly above
Did you live?
Did you laugh?
Did you love?

Hang in there, it will get better! 

youll get there.

seems like my life in a way. havent been that cold in a while but the whole THINGS ARE LOOKING UP WORLD followed by near death seems to be almost the norm for a lot of people.

invest in a cell phone next time you get a car and move someplace warm.

youll get there eventually.

rise against (back when they were good in my opinion) has a song called halfway there. 'when enough is enough thats when you know that youre halfway there'

good song.

or sanity by bad religion.

anyway. life gets better. always does when youre dedicated. suicide just makes things worse on everyone else around you. so. stay optimistic its worth it

scary part was I did it subconciously, I had plenty of chances to duck into walgreens's on the walk, but was so upset I refused and was so determined to get home, it almost cost me my life. and as I sat in the hospital having dead skin removed off my feet, I was doing some thinking, and had relised I didnt care if i had froze to death and it scared me. I got a gf and her daughter to look after and I almost abandoned them. I cant afford to do that to them, I love them to much, but it was scary to me that I pushed the envalope with death the other night.

well, one thing that might come of it you'll just be a lot more aware and strong if depression hits.

Hey Teela,

I wish I had something helpful to say.  In any case, I really hope everything turns around for you.  And for what it's worth, I'm always here to talk if you need someone.
Hoping you feel better. 

Quote from: learningtolive on February 09, 2014, 12:04:02 PM
Hey Teela,

I wish I had something helpful to say.  In any case, I really hope everything turns around for you.  And for what it's worth, I'm always here to talk if you need someone.
Hoping you feel better.

*hugs* thank you.

I can't even count the number of times life would start to look up and then it would all come crashing down. So far I've learned that every time something good happens, something bad follows. But then something even better happens, and I live for the better. I've wanted to give up, but I try my best to remember that, as I see it, everything that sucks is temporary. So if it's bad now, eventually it won't be. No matter how many times I have to fight my way out of a crappy place I always survive. I was so bad off I seriously thought there was no possible way I could ever get out of it. But I did. Life isn't perfect now, but it has improved, and the improvement is proof that things can get better. If it has for me, I know it will for you. Please don't stop existing.

Status update

Well, They opened up the transmission, it wasn't saveable. So The car is toast.  But im trying to stay positive. My feet are healing quick so thats a plus.  My friend is letting me barrow her car for now when she isnt using it. My new job is working with my on my avaiability untill I have my own car. Which if my tax's post before this coming tuesday I can get a used car with only 90k miles on it for $1.4k  Thanks to the help of some special people *hugs*  After paying the tow company and the garage for housing my car over the weekend, im  400 short on that 1.4k  So hoping my tax's post asap. expecting them before the 21st  but praying they get there before tuesday the 18th. Thats how long the dealership will hold the car.  Wish me luck.

yea, good luck

Quote from: stephaniec on February 12, 2014, 07:43:43 PM
yea, good luck

Thanks, im gonna need every bit of it with the way my luck usually goes.